Hi there, Karen!

We've butted heads in the past - perhaps we were both sitting in
judgement on each other!! =0) But on this - I think I know what
you are getting at and I agree.

I read the step 10 response to your post and agree with that to a
degree - I mean, we all know that if there is something that we find
objectionable going on, very likely we are the problem *wink*

BUT!! (hee hee) I posted on another board about the importance in
my growth and my journey to set boundaries - something I never did
before. Especially here online - if I read something that I
strongly disagree with - or get the idea that someone isn't being
fully honest - I do feel compelled to say so. Is this a defect of
my own rearing its ugly head? In all liklihood, yes. However -
there may be some quiet, lurking newcomer who is VERY confused by
some statement made by someone who appears to be pretty educated
or "smart" or eloquent - and reading my questions or remarks could
help them make their own decision a little more clearly. Or maybe
I'm just full of crap *wink* I don't know.

I admit that I have "goated" certain people on certain boards from
time to time. Sometimes I just can't help myself - human being that
I am... LOL But there are times that I just feel that is really is
the right thing to do - to voice my opinion on something - it feels
like using good judgement - not being judgemental.

I guess, like you said... our defects and how we handle them really
isn't our job - God knows more about me than I do and he will remove
them in the order he wants to WHEN he wants to. I do try to learn
something out of every situation I find myself in. Usually the
answer is "pause and pray" damnit. LOL

Anyway - just wanted to let you know that I think I understand...
you know???

Trina


> I am often very judgmental, which is one of my character defects.
> (OK, OK, I can hear some of you now… "No SHIT!!" * sigh * C'mon!
> Gimme a break! Hear me out!)
>
> Anyway… I'm not just judgmental of others. I'm mostly judgmental
of
> myself, which translates into self-focused, self-critical, self-
> centered fear.
>
> I think this character defect manifests itself mostly in my
> relationship with God – I'm never good enough. I fail miserably
time
> and time again. It also manifests itself in my marriage and in
other
> relationships as well. Some of you MIGHT have even seen this
> character defect of mine rear its ugly head here on these AA
boards.
>
> I know it's not my job to remove my own character defects. It's
God's
> job. I'm supposed to LET HIM and COOPERATE. And I really do
> understand the truth that I can't make myself perfect. Nor can I
> demand the same from others.
>
> But there's more to it. We're supposed to use "sound judgment."
It's
> wise to be discerning. I am responsible for making judgment calls
> about what I do and who I spend my time with, right? We have to
judge
> the actions of others without judging their eternal destiny,
correct?
>
> But "using good judgment" and being "judgmental" are two different
> things? There's a line there that I cross that I can't seem to see
> clearly. It must have something to do with assigning "right"
> and "wrong" values, but the line for me is very blurry.
>
> I would love to be the kind of person who didn't pass judgment on
> myself or on others, while at the same time using good judgment to
> make wise decisions in life. If I was that kind of person, I
could
> be more relaxed and happier in my relationship with God and with
my
> fellows. I could experience more serenity. I could be a more
> effective friend, wife, co-worker, and sponsor.
>
> I'm not sure what I expect to hear from others here in this group
on
> this topic. Maybe I'm just using this board as a safe place to
write.
> But if anyone has anything to share, I'm all ears…. I mean eyes.
>
> Thanks,
> Karen