ohhh lordy...i think i have seen everything...now

a wiseass from the southwest




--- In We_Have_Recovered@yahoogroups.com, "Jay Lawyer"
<ejlawyer@m...> wrote:
> Karen,
> This out and out sounds like a step 10 problem - Like, lack of
use.
>
> This is from (oh help me get my fingers out from around my neck)
the 12 & 12.
>
> LOL - I'm coming up on 18 years so I can start reading it.
>
> A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of such disturbances can
be of very
> great help in quieting stormy emotions. Today's spot check finds
its chief
> application to situations which arise in each day's march. The
consideration of
> long-standing difficulties had better be postponed, when possible,
to times
> deliberately set aside for that purpose. The quick inventory is
aimed at our
> daily ups and downs, especially those where people or new events
throw us off
> balance and tempt us to make mistakes.
> In all these situations we need self-restraint, honest analysis
of what is
> involved, a willingness to admit when the fault is ours, and an
equal
> willingness to forgive when the fault is elsewhere. We need not be
discouraged
> when we fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplines
are not
> easy. We shall look for progress, not for perfection.
> Our first objective will be the development of self restraint.
This carries a
> top priority rating. When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the
ability to be
> fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade
or one
> willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person
for a whole
> day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off like restraint of
tongue and pen.
> We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven
argument. The
> same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby
traps baited
> with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the
traps. When we
> are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back
and think. For
> we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of
self-restraint
> has become automatic.
> ---------------------
> I have found that step 10 is the most reliable and easiest thing
to do to keep me
> from acting like my old self. (Rom 7:14-25)
>
> God Bless,
> Jay - Ex!Alcoholic
>
> I am often very judgmental, which is one of my character defects.
> (OK, OK, I can hear some of you now. "No SHIT!!" * sigh * C'mon!
> Gimme a break! Hear me out!)
>
> Anyway. I'm not just judgmental of others. I'm mostly judgmental
of
> myself, which translates into self-focused, self-critical, self-
> centered fear.
>
> I think this character defect manifests itself mostly in my
> relationship with God - I'm never good enough. I fail miserably
time
> and time again. It also manifests itself in my marriage and in
other
> relationships as well. Some of you MIGHT have even seen this
> character defect of mine rear its ugly head here on these AA
boards.
>
> I know it's not my job to remove my own character defects. It's
God's
> job. I'm supposed to LET HIM and COOPERATE. And I really do
> understand the truth that I can't make myself perfect. Nor can I
> demand the same from others.
>
> But there's more to it. We're supposed to use "sound judgment."
It's
> wise to be discerning. I am responsible for making judgment calls
> about what I do and who I spend my time with, right? We have to
judge
> the actions of others without judging their eternal destiny,
correct?
>
> But "using good judgment" and being "judgmental" are two different
> things? There's a line there that I cross that I can't seem to see
> clearly. It must have something to do with assigning "right"
> and "wrong" values, but the line for me is very blurry.
>
> I would love to be the kind of person who didn't pass judgment on
> myself or on others, while at the same time using good judgment to
> make wise decisions in life. If I was that kind of person, I
could
> be more relaxed and happier in my relationship with God and with
my
> fellows. I could experience more serenity. I could be a more
> effective friend, wife, co-worker, and sponsor.
>
> I'm not sure what I expect to hear from others here in this group
on
> this topic. Maybe I'm just using this board as a safe place to
write.
> But if anyone has anything to share, I'm all ears.. I mean eyes.
>
> Thanks,
> Karen