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Karen,
This out and out sounds like a step 10 problem - Like, lack of use.
This is from (oh help me get my fingers out from around my neck) the 12 & 12.
LOL - I'm coming up on 18 years so I can start reading it.
A spot-check inventory taken in the midst of such disturbances can be of very
great help in quieting stormy emotions. Today's spot check finds its chief
application to situations which arise in each day's march. The consideration of
long-standing difficulties had better be postponed, when possible, to times
deliberately set aside for that purpose. The quick inventory is aimed at our
daily ups and downs, especially those where people or new events throw us off
balance and tempt us to make mistakes.
In all these situations we need self-restraint, honest analysis of what is
involved, a willingness to admit when the fault is ours, and an equal
willingness to forgive when the fault is elsewhere. We need not be discouraged
when we fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplines are not
easy. We shall look for progress, not for perfection.
Our first objective will be the development of self restraint. This carries a
top priority rating. When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be
fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one
willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person for a whole
day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen.
We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The
same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited
with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we
are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. For
we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint
has become automatic.
great help in quieting stormy emotions. Today's spot check finds its chief
application to situations which arise in each day's march. The consideration of
long-standing difficulties had better be postponed, when possible, to times
deliberately set aside for that purpose. The quick inventory is aimed at our
daily ups and downs, especially those where people or new events throw us off
balance and tempt us to make mistakes.
In all these situations we need self-restraint, honest analysis of what is
involved, a willingness to admit when the fault is ours, and an equal
willingness to forgive when the fault is elsewhere. We need not be discouraged
when we fall into the error of our old ways, for these disciplines are not
easy. We shall look for progress, not for perfection.
Our first objective will be the development of self restraint. This carries a
top priority rating. When we speak or act hastily or rashly, the ability to be
fair-minded and tolerant evaporates on the spot. One unkind tirade or one
willful snap judgment can ruin our relation with another person for a whole
day, or maybe a whole year. Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen.
We must avoid quick-tempered criticism and furious, power-driven argument. The
same goes for sulking or silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited
with pride and vengefulness. Our first job is to sidestep the traps. When we
are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. For
we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint
has become automatic.
---------------------
I have found that step 10 is the most reliable and easiest thing to do to keep me
from acting like my old self. (Rom 7:14-25)
God Bless,
Jay - Ex!Alcoholic
I am often very judgmental, which is one of my character defects. (OK, OK, I can hear some of you now… "No SHIT!!" * sigh * C'mon!
Gimme a break! Hear me out!)
Anyway… I'm not just judgmental of others. I'm mostly judgmental of
myself, which translates into self-focused, self-critical, self-
centered fear.
I think this character defect manifests itself mostly in my
relationship with God – I'm never good enough. I fail miserably time
and time again. It also manifests itself in my marriage and in other
relationships as well. Some of you MIGHT have even seen this
character defect of mine rear its ugly head here on these AA boards.
I know it's not my job to remove my own character defects. It's God's
job. I'm supposed to LET HIM and COOPERATE. And I really do
understand the truth that I can't make myself perfect. Nor can I
demand the same from others.
But there's more to it. We're supposed to use "sound judgment." It's
wise to be discerning. I am responsible for making judgment calls
about what I do and who I spend my time with, right? We have to judge
the actions of others without judging their eternal destiny, correct?
But "using good judgment" and being "judgmental" are two different
things? There's a line there that I cross that I can't seem to see
clearly. It must have something to do with assigning "right"
and "wrong" values, but the line for me is very blurry.
I would love to be the kind of person who didn't pass judgment on
myself or on others, while at the same time using good judgment to
make wise decisions in life. If I was that kind of person, I could
be more relaxed and happier in my relationship with God and with my
fellows. I could experience more serenity. I could be a more
effective friend, wife, co-worker, and sponsor.
I'm not sure what I expect to hear from others here in this group on
this topic. Maybe I'm just using this board as a safe place to write.
But if anyone has anything to share, I'm all ears…. I mean eyes.
Thanks,
Karen
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