Susan,

This is a tough one. We did, and still do, take advantage of services and
activities that might help our son develop physical and social skills, but
have not had him in settings that are only for other disabled children. He
has been mainstreamed all along, though he has had an assistant for at least
part of the day since third grade. He is in 7th grade now, and will not have
the assistant next year.
His middle school counselor has been trying to place him in various
special-ed programs since before she met him. With the assistant to adapt
fine motor and visual classroom tasks for him, help him manage his behavior
(his noisy exuberance can be disruptive) and keep more or less organized, he
has kept up academically and has an A minus average. However, there is no
doubt that he is not the typical kid. In elementary school, some parents
requested each year that their child not be in the same class with him
because they did not want their child in the same room with a child who was
"different". Other parents told me being around him WAS GOOD, because it
helped their children develop tolerance and an attitude of Christian Charity
toward the LESS FORTUNATE.
The counselor feels he would be less stressed with kids "like him" in one of
the alternative programs (Wow, if there was really a kid like mine around I
would be excited to meet him/her and the parents! I would greet them like
long-lost family!). I am afraid he would be less challenged and pick up
maladaptive behaviors (he is quick to mimic peers). I think the school's
real issue is that it would be easier on the teachers who honestly do not
have the time or energy to deal with my (sort of)
bright-but-immature-and-clumsy child.
He is in an "adaptive" English and Literature class right now because it was
the only two hour "block" class that fit his schedule when we asked to have
him moved out of a class with a crazy-bad teacher - the first time we have
ever asked for a change. There are very low expectations in the adaptive
class, as it turns out; it is basically baby-sitting. The teacher does not
return corrected homework or spelling tests because it is inconceivable to
him that parents of his students would expect their kids to practice missed
spelling words or correct mistakes. However, everyone agrees that he is
REALLY NICE (translation; very patient with the low functioning or spacey
kids).
My son asked for two honors classes next year, which triggered a meeting at
school where we were offered not honors classes, not regular classes, but a
FULL DAY of "adaptive classes". Aaron insisted that he wanted Spanish and
Journalism and was willing to put forth the extra effort. But how would he
take notes while interviewing other students for Journalism, given his
messy/slow handwriting, wondered his counselor? Let's see, um, has anyone
ever heard of, I don't know, a tape recorder?
They couldn't refuse because he has the required grades, got his teachers to
sign the required recommendations on his own, and we backed him up.
But, in the back of my mind, I couldn't help thinking Oh God, another year
of struggles. If he were in the adaptive classes......maybe it would be
better.....easier.....giving up?
As long as there is a chance that he can hang on to the tail end mainstream
by the skin of his teeth with tons of extra help, though, I think we have to
let him. I think it would be easier if we KNEW he belonged in special-ed OR
in mainstream. I guess we just continue to muddle through.


Lissa