STOP!!!
I don't think any of you really want to read this.... I am of a
rather scattered mindset today.... But, if yer bored or need a
diversion... what the hell, feel free read away.

First... since nobody apparently objects... and even if they do.... I
really really really like to talk, and I am really good at it, even
when (and that would be regularly) I lose track of what I am talking
about. So since I have some time here n there, I figure ... what the
hell, I will bless y'all with a little enlightenment that is me...and
start putting some of my ramblings here as well as in my OO journal.
Writing for me is somewhat akin to talking, and I can always read
back and gather up those thoughts I just lost....

Now just in case I might offend, upset, anger, drive to drink or any
other form of excess anyone through my thoughts and rantings/
writings, damn... I really don't mean any harm to nor offense to
anyone... But if you find yourself offended upset pissed off or
whatever... I am really a really nice guy but I really don't care
about what anybody else thinks about almost anything I have an
opinion on, after all, I may not always be right, but I am NEVER,
EVER wrong. So if I do manage to raise a few hackles here n there, oh
well, find somebody to tell somebody who cares.

A shrink asked me why I think I can go around saying whatever I
please about anything I might choose to with total disregard for
others feelings and what ever consequences that my words/thoughts
might generate.....I told him that it is rather obvious, though it
might be painfully obvious to some, that me speaking my piece about
whatever I might choose with total disregard for the consequences is
something that I am fortunately for me completely comfortable with
and that I am damn sure tough enough to deal with any reaction I
might generate in or from anybody, and that I really don't give a
damn if people aren't tough enough to handle my version of the
truth.,I am truly only concerned with speaking whatever is on my mind
for no other reason than I have an opinion on whatever it is I am
talking about and intend to make my opinion/thoughts/intentions/
desires/whatever not just heard, but known....

But I digress....

>>>> "i was a workaholic. I worked overtime" <<<<

If there is one good thing to come about due to my most unfortunate
series of circumstances, it is that I have learned that there is just
a wee bit more to life than work and working.... but not very much
more.... for some folks it would appear so anyway...

I miss working more than anyone could imagine... I had a job I truly
loved and was apparently quite good at and got to work with some of
the absolutely very best people in the entire world of process
industries and with one of the best companies to work for anywhere....
I got to learn and do things and go places and meet people...I spent
six weeks working 16 hours a day in Green Bay, Wisconsin (where I
went to Lambue Feild, less than impressed with it I was too, and
found it far from the religeous experience our hosts obviously did
and expected of us) starting up a new process, equal time and eforts
in 5 other states... I spent 5 years as part of corp team that
managed complete replacements of entire processes spending almost a
year at a time in/at the client site...

I did a year at corp R&D spending millions of dollars coming up with
a way that made some truly unique and gorgeous (for the product...
not for your love interest) product material that is/was definately
way beyond anything else available.... but LOL, no one could figure
out what to do with the stuff, and it was some very very expensive
stuff with a very limited market potential....but damn we did good!!!

So, I was told I was never ever going to work anywhere ever again....
I had different plans though. It was 11 months later and I walked
back into work.... It took a while, as I have a bit of a problem with
timing and sequencing of events and organizing anything requiring
more than 1 step anymore.... But as much as I hate to admit it... the
neuro folks were right.... It takes 2000 times before I am aware that
yes indeed I have/haven't/hasn't/can/can't whatever it is is a
problem.... Thankfully I worked with people who for the most part are
as close to the edge as me and who wouldn't take a chance on letting
me get myself in some sort of trouble with this that and or the
other.... the industry I was in presents hazards aplenty for the
process geeks who like to play and experiment and is no place for the
les than sharp and quick of mind and always in possession of nerves
of steel and a certain type of self assurance that you can tell ain't
gonna get you killed.

Anyway... 1 year later and one day I was reading reports I had
written the day previous and could recall no actual memories of. It
occured to mke that this was an ongoing problem and I went and asked
some people I could trust to never bullshit me if I was having
problems that I wasn't aware of..... Thank God they told me yes and
went over a whole list of things with me and made me write them all
down... I made a doctors appointment that morning and told her I
really needed to see her NOW and went the next morning, and I hate to
say it, but, yes they were right and I pretty much have no business
working where it is a requirenment that you remember things and
people and events and issues that could get people hurt or killed or
lost or broke or whatever.

A doctor told me some time ago when I asked about going back to work
that "there's not a doctor in North America who'll sign a back to
work releae with your name on it". I have a different veiw of things
however that don't require anybodys permission except mine. Since I
can't work for anybody else, I have been working on a scheme that
suits me and mine needs wants etc.....I am tough to work with and
almost impossible to work for though.... I hope I don't end up having
to fire myself or anything....

Ok! I just read what I have written and damn if apparently it is
pretty much all about work.....today.....So, I reckon I am putting
aside all thoughts of work for this afternoon and I'm taking the dogs
down to the creek for the rest of the day.

Y'all have a great day and have some fun. I hope it is as nice where
you are as it is here today.