Inspiration and Transformation Newsletter

Lynne Namka, Ed. D.

Quote for the Week:

"May today there be peace within.

May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.

May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.

May you be content knowing that you are a child of God.

Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. 

It is there for each and every one of us."

St. Therese of Lisieux

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Angry People Usually are Impatient

Lynne Namka, Ed. D.  ©2008

Have you ever noticed that when you are angry at someone every little thing about a person or situation makes you angrier?  And you start looking for even more things to be unfair?  What you look for you will find!  Two skills needed here are greater frustration tolerance and the ability to work through the feelings as they arise instead of letting them build up or blowing them out.

Impatient people constantly frustrate themselves by their constant negative judgments about others.  They experience a low level of continual irritability and restlessness which borders on anxiety and then anger when their goal is blocked.  Impatience may be a trait in some efficient people who judge others by their own high standards and they often feel impatient with those who don't measure up.  The world is made up of many different types of people who run at different speeds and with varying degrees of competencies and skill sets.

Chronically angry people often have a chip-on-the-shoulder outlook with an overly-sensitive radar set for evidence of being disrespected by others  Beliefs in other's ill-will and malevolence escalate conflict.  Paranoid beliefs that others are out to get them causes them to act first and think later rather than thinking first and acting later.  Viewing neutral events through antagonistic eyes and adding aggressive meanings that aren't really there creates a view that the world is a threatening place and they must be hyper vigilant to protect themselves

Some impatience is about judgments of the speed with which others move, with Road Rage being an example.  Some people carry more urgency about them and feel rushed and impatient about getting things done.  They experience a low level of continual irritability and restlessness which borders on anxiety when their space is invaded or their self-serving expectations are not met. They usually are people who go on fast forward and have never learned to stop and smell the roses. One man said, "I'm a man on a mission and expect others to get out of my way and too bad for them if they don't."  They put undue emphasis on their time, driving fast and getting things done.  Mahatma Gandhi reminded us, "There is more to life than increasing its speed."  Impatient people typically have a sense of pride and self-importance with beliefs that their time more is important than being kind to others. 

Recent research of 1700 of men aged 40 to 70 suggests that men who have high levels of testosterone in their blood are less happy in life. High testosterone levels often results in aggressive behavior and alienation of other people. Men high in this male hormone have double the divorce rates of men low in the hormone. Men who have an inability to connect on a deep level with others often cover this up with a sense of bravado and aloofness. The higher-testosterone powered men in the study reported finding less pleasure in life and did not look forward to the future. Testosterone typically decreases as men grow older and anger decreases.

Releasing Impatience and Frustration Issues

Want to be a calmer, more laid-back person?  Put yourself in charge of your irritation instead of letting it rule you.  Do one of the emotional modulation techniques with these statements that push you into the Rude Behavior Lane. 

Even though _____, [add an issue here], I forgive myself for my judgments and ask to be more accepting of how things are rather than how I think they should be.

__ [I feel jittery inside and get upset easily when others don't care about my needs]

__ [I become restless when things don't move as quickly as I want them to]

__ [I'm intolerant about the thoughtless mistakes that others make]

__ [I tense up and become easily frustrated when I have to deal with stupid people]

__ [I get over-excited and angry at slow drivers who don't get out of my way]

__ [I am inpatient when people are inconsiderate towards me]

__ [I get upset when someone does something dumb and I think that they don't care]

__ [I snap when someone bothers me about something and I've told them the answer already]

__ [I do stupid, dumb things and am incompetent in some areas and ramble on myself]

__ [I'm annoyed with long-winded-people who ramble on without saying anything new]

__ [I become upset with people who don't do what they say they will do]

__ [I react when my buttons are pushed because the store or ticket lines aren't efficient]

__ [I get upset when someone does not care that he or she creates a problem for me]

__ [I have the right to get upset when someone is inadequate and bungled their job]

__ [I'm irritable when someone does something wrong for lack of planning]

__ [I anger myself when others around me do not care about doing their work well]

__ [My irritation started when I was smarter and better at problem solving than my parents]

__ [My impatience goes back to childhood because my busy parents weren't there for me]

__ [I felt impatient as a child when my _____ didn't understand and address my needs]

__ [I felt superior to my parents who were inept in many things]

__ [I became restless and impatient as a child watching my parent mess things up]

__ [I was disgusted at my _____ because he or she didn't have a clue on how to raise a child]

__ [My parents acted in stupid ways rather than act in planned, well-thought out ways]

__ [I had to hide my irritability and anger when _____ didn't care about me]

Keep looking at impatience and what situations bring it forth in you.  As you find yourself feeling impatient during the day, tap on every single reason you can find that adds to your unhappiness and release the negative energy behind them.  Impatient behaviors that center around a theme may signify some old trauma revisiting you in modern-day clothes for you to examine or it may be indicative of a brain injury or ADD. Impatience as a trait, habit, expression or old trauma to be worked out are unique opportunities for growth.

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Peace and blessings,

Lynne Namka

This article on impatience is taken from my new book, The Quick Anger Make Over and Seventy Other Cutting-Edge Techniques to Release Anger, which should be out in the fall of 2008.  Feel free to send this article on to those with an interest in this topic.

To subscribe to my free newsletter, Information and Transformation, which comes out every Monday morning, go to my web site www.AngriesOut which has over 100 downloadable articles on good mental health.

Questions regarding the content of this newsletter, comments or written contributions can be directed to inspirationcontact@....   Please remember that I cannot provide you with any advice of a personal nature.  But help is out there somewhere!  Do reach out and get a qualified professional to help you sort through your issues.

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"What would it be like if you lived each day, each breath, as a work of art in progress?  Imagine that you are a Masterpiece unfolding every second of every day, a work of art taking form with every breath."

Thomas Crum

"Come, come, whoever you are,

Wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving.

It doesn't matter.

Ours is not a caravan of despair.

Come, even if you have broken your vow

 a hundred times

Come, come again, come."

Jelal-ud-Din Rumi

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