As per tradition, the annual Spondyville Fourth of July fireworks celebration
will be held in Fuselot Park, on the Northeast corner of Ankylosinger Square.

The patented reclining park benches and free prism binoculars provided by a
grant from the Marie Strumpell Foundation will once again offer an excellent
view of the fireworks for all those ASers with fused necks and spines who are
unable to look up.

Town handyman, Throckmorton "Pops" DeMaupassant, will again be wearing his
fashionably gauche purple plaid beret as he oversees the lighting of the
fireworks. This year, he has been provided with several butane lighters as
back-ups in case he once again drops all the matches into the park's fountain.

Picnic tables are available on a first-come basis. BYOM (Bring Your Own Meds)

The Fireworks start at dusk, following the band concert in the gazebo opposite
the Pharoah's Obelisk. This year, the Spondyville Symphony will be performing
the works of Richard Strauss with orchestrations by Ted Nugent.

Other events include: The Annual Spondyville Codger parade which will begin, as
always, at 4PM after their naps.

The Annual Apple Pie Crust-Off, however, in which residents from Spondyville's
Scalytown neighborhood try to eat a slice of apple pie as fast as they can
without losing a single flake of psoriasis has been postponed due to excema.

And of course, what would the 4th of July be without baseball? Over at Brogna
Field, our hometown team, the lovable Spondyville Fusers will be playing a
twi-night double-header against their arch-rivals, the Crohns Corners Cronies
starting at 5:30PM. Free Fusers medical ID bracelets to the first 100 fans to
squeeze themselves into the bleachers. A special Sulfasalazine sun-block is
available free of charge for interested individuals.

Happy Fourth of July to all my fellow Spondyvilleans!


Spenser23as