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To both you and Candle,
After 5 years of fighting it, I've come to the conclusion that some people are just born to be "helpful". It has taken me much of the time to just figure out a way to accept it and be done. Sometimes it truely is God in action.
Last week, a lady took my groceries out of my hands and said "I'm handicapped too but don't want to see you slipping in the parking lot". She was missing the fingers on one hand.
When I was able bodied, I made it a point to set the example for my kids and help the lil' ole lady lift her groceries into her car. Or the occasional breaking into the car of person that locked their keys inside. (Not a trade I'm too willing to admit proficiency at)
In consideration of that, just be gracious and inform them of what they can truly do. For instance on the transfer. If they insist, just make them feel important and have them hold their foot against the wheel so it "doesn't go
anywhere". Or yeah, hold the door so "I can step aside and dry the crutches and feet off completely"
I know the buffet situation first hand and had a good laugh with a close friend who tried to take my plate before I was finished putting things on. I just stood in line and waited until she saw me there. Then I asked if she'd bring it back so I can finish. This woman has a heart of gold. I could write volumes on her community involvement. Anyways, I've heard that the folks that saw the incident pretend to hold onto their plates a bit harder when she's around to playfully tease her.
I guess I'm saying just to take it in stride, figure out how to let them "help" without impeding progress or imposing danger. You never know, some of these samaritans may become close friends.
matlot669s <matlot669s@...> wrote:
matlot669s <matlot669s@...> wrote:
--- In Spinalcordinjury@yahoogroups. , <candle850-keeper@com ...> wrote:
>
> This list has been so quiet. I hope that everyone is enjoying the
holidays.
>
> I have a question, have you dealt with people who thought they
were helping, but they really weren't? I was walking into McDonald's
the other day. It was raining and slippery and my husband was holding
my arm and helping me in. A crew worker saw me and decide to help us.
She came out and started pulling my arm. I started resisting because
I was worried about falling so she pulled harder. Thank goodness my
husband was holding me up.
>
> Another incident was at an all you can eat buffet. It was an
exercise where I had to show my husband that I could get my own plate
and make it back to our table. This was relatively soon after getting
out of the hospital. A woman came up and offered to help and I said,
no thank you and that I was fine. I almost got into a tug of war with
my plate. I had to explain to her the whole thing about the doctor
wanting me to do this as an exercise as my husband kept an eye on me
close by to prove that I could do it.
>
> I know that both of these people were trying to help out of the
goodness of their heart, but they really weren't. I can laugh about
both of those situations now, but originally they didn't seem so
funny. I should have said something to the woman who was trying to
help me over the ice, but wasn't sure how to tell her that she was
not really being helpful. I was also worried about sounding panicked,
which I was. Of course, I would have been more panicked if I had
fallen and broken something.
>
>
> --
>
> Candle
>
> May there always be a light to guide you.
Your stories are so true. I suffered a fall on July 1st resulting
in a spinal cord injury that has left me being probably confined to a
wheelchair for the rest of my life. This has been a great shock to me
at 48 years old and a very physically active Father of 3. Anyway, my
story is to do with transferring into and out of my wifes car. Being
newly disabled my goal is to achieve as much as possible on my own,
yet every time I transfer it seems that someone appears and
desperately wants to "help". At first this would appear to be
extremely kind but, after a while I realized that it was quite
annoying and sometimes downright dangerous. My problem is finding a
way to politely decline the good samaritans offer of kindness without
appearing to be ungrateful or rude? Anyway Happy Holidays to all and
may we all reach a happy conclusion to our "temporary inconvenience"
>
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