hi,

i'm so sorry you've had these unfortunate experiences with your son ... life
isn't supposed to be this way, huh? ... god intended for children to bring us
immeasurable happiness and joy ... and thankfully, most do ... your son is still
young, so we pray his life will settle down before long ... you're certainly
giving him all the positive support you can ... as for his partner spending the
night at your house, that's definitely your call -- your house ... your rules --
the biggest problem i see here is your son's deception about this whole thing
... having had sex in your bed ... allowing the partner to sleep over while you
were away, when he KNEW that was against your wishes ... that's more troubling
to me ... i'm sure you didn't rear him that way, but we also need to remember
that gay people learn to lie about many things they wouldn't normally have to
lie about, just to survive in the straight world ... i realize that much has
changed in the past 30-40 years regarding the world's thinking about
homosexuality, but most straight people still have a problem with it --
especially if it involves THEIR children ... and understandably so ... suddenly,
all your hopes and dreams for the child go up in smoke ... but in this case, you
already KNEW about his sexual proclivities ... your rules were that the boy not
sleep over (and, by logical extension, NOT TO HAVE SEX IN YOUR BED!!!) ... but
they did it anyway ... so they will have to regain your trust ... i hope your
son's partner is a nice person ... maybe he is ... and if so, then perhaps
everyone can get past this, in time ... but for now, i don't blame you for not
wanting this fella spending the night in your home ... even on separate floors
... at least, for now ... if your son doesn't like your house rules, he can find
other living arrangements ... as for his partner not having told his own parents
about being gay, you may have to give him a little grace here as some things are
just hard to say ... and this is definitely one of them! ... it's never easy to
tell parents about this ... it wasn't easy for YOUR son, either ... i would HOPE
that he will tell his parents soon because living a double life is really hard
on a person ... all the lying and deception ... probably not the way HE was
reared, either ... we also need to remember that gay people don't make a choice
to be gay ... it's something that they just come to realize over time ... i am
gay, but i didn't choose it, didn't ask for it, can't change it and have spent
the better part of my life trying to avoid it ... and that has caused me many
health problems ... fortunately, kids today are more tolerant of homosexuality
and seem to be more open about it with others ... and that's a good thing ...
but that still doesn't make it any easier on parents who will continue to
question themselves about what they might have done to cause this in their child
... of course, you didn't do ANYTHING that made your son gay ... nobody can make
another person gay ... you either ARE, or you AREN'T ... and let me leave you
with one of my favorite scriptures: II Corinthians 20:15 "Be not dismayed, ...
for the battle is not yours, but god's." ... what a comforting thought that
there's nothing we have to do to alter the situation ... that's god's job ...
rest in that ...

best regards,
larry