hi,

i'm so sorry you've had these unfortunate experiences with your son ... life
isn't supposed to be this way, huh? ... god intended for children to bring us
immeasurable happiness and joy ... but your son is still young, and we pray his
life will settle down before long ... and you are certainly giving him all the
positive support you can ... as for his partner spending the night at your
house, that's definitely your call -- your house ... your rules -- the biggest
problem i see here is your son's deception about this whole thing ... having had
sex in your bed ... allowing the partner to sleep over while you were away, when
he KNEW that was against your wishes ... that's more troubling to me ... i'm
sure you didn't rear him that way, but we must remember that gay people learn to
lie about many things they wouldn't normally have to lie about, just to survive
in the straight world ... i realize that much has changed in the past 30-40
years regarding the world's thinking about homosexuality, but most straight
people still have a problem with it -- especially if it involves THEIR children
... and understandably so ... suddenly, all your hopes and dreams for the child
go up in smoke ... but in this case, you already KNEW about his sexual
proclivities ... and it takes awhile to adjust to that ... your rules were that
the boy not sleep over (and, by logical extension, NOT TO HAVE SEX IN YOUR
BED!!!) ... but they did it anyway ... so they will have to regain your trust
... i hope your son's partner is a nice person ... maybe he is ... and if so,
then perhaps everyone can get past this, in time ... but for now, i don't blame
you for not wanting this man spending the night in your home ... even on
separate floors ... at least, for now ... if your son doesn't like your house
rules, he can find other living arrangements ... as for his partner not having
told his own parents about being gay, you may have to give him a little grace
here as some things are just hard to say ... and this is one of them! ... it's
never easy to tell parents about this ... it wasn't easy for YOUR son, either
... i would HOPE that he will tell his parents soon because he's living a double
life and that's really hard on a person -- physically and emotionally -- all the
lying and deception ... probably not the way HE was reared, either ... we also
need to remember that gay people don't make a choice to be gay ... it's not a
choice ... it's something they come to realize over time ... i am gay, but i
didn't choose it, didn't ask for it, can't change it and spent the better part
of my life trying to avoid it ... and that has caused me many health problems
... fortunately, kids today are more tolerant of homosexuality and seem to be
more open about it with others ... and that's a good thing ... but that still
doesn't make it any easier on parents who will continue to question themselves
about what they might have done to cause this in their child ... of course, you
didn't do ANYTHING to cause your son to be gay ... nobody can make another
person gay ... you either ARE gay, or you AREN'T ... please let me leave you
with one of my favorite scriptures: II Corinthians 20:15 "Be not dismayed, ...
for the battle is not yours, but god's." ... what a comforting thought that
there's nothing we have to do to alter the situation ... that's god's job ...
rest in that ...

best regards,
larry