I discovered Barbara Johnson and Spatula Ministries after our son
shared with us that he is gay. Through the years I had my suspicions
but just kept them to myself and prayed for his sexuality. About a
year before his admission to us, I felt God was preparing my heart
for the time my deepest fears would be realized. I was able to think
through everything I would say when the time came and, with God's
help, was able to remain calm. Our son was so nervous about telling
us and didn't know what to expect - especially from me. He thought
I'd lose it! Thank God I didn't, and I know it was such a relief to
him. My husband, on the other hand, just sat in stunned silence and
was unable to say anything. His heart was broken and he grieved for
his son. Again, I thanked God because I was able to be the
spokesperson for the both of us and assured our son of our
unconditional love and support, even though we didn't agree with
homosexuality. There was no anger or condemnation, just an
overwhelming feeling of love for him.

After that I was left wondering, "Now what?" I began a desperate
search for anything I could find on homosexuality trying to
understand what could have caused our son to believe he is gay. I
learned that homosexuality is very complex and there are no easy
answers. It isn't so important anymore that I understand the cause,
as it is to understand the pain that our son has gone through over
the years. He told us he doesn't want to be gay and that for years he
prayed for God to change him, but it didn't happen. He was confused,
frustrated and angry with God. Finally, he just gave in and felt he
had to accept that this is the way God made him and he'd learn to
live with it. Several books and articles have helped shed some light
on reasons for gender confusion and same-sex attraction, but I found
Barbara's book "Where Does a Mother Go To Resign" a tremendous source
of encouragement. I've read that book so many times and it was just
what I needed.

Finding out that our son is gay has been such an emotional roller
coaster, but underneath is a calm assurance that God is at work,
there isn't a thing we can do to "fix" it, and we need to get out of
the way and allow Him to do what we can't. We need wisdom when we
speak and lots of love and encouragement for our son. The enemy wants
what he cannot have, but the battle isn't ours - it's the Lords!