Dear Mary Ann,

We created this website and Discussion Group so people just like you would have a place to go and find some help.  I'm especially proud to know my mother was able to bring you from that dark place so many struggle to escape! 

My mother was a firm believer in encouraging others to get out and find a safe place to discuss and express your feelings in a non-threatening, non-judgmental atmosphere.  From your post, it sounds like you've already done alot of work and are enjoying a good relationship with your son.  You are so lucky!  So many others have yet to face that hurdle!  Or unwilling to do the necessary work.

You'll find my mother's books addicting, but I myself just finished reading "I'm So Glad You told Me What I Didn't Want to Hear!"  and "Mamma, Get The Hammer! There's A Fly On Papa's Head!"  and I feel confident in recommending them to you.  The Hammer book is very good for helping parents (usually mothers) to learn to Laugh again.  The "I'm So Glad..." book is more practical guidance for hurting parents working through the pain by sharing with others.

As far as advice goes, just a couple things jumped out of your post.  As for a "predisposition" or "environmental"  explaination on homosexuality leads, naturally, to a Cause and Effect argument which opens a Pandora's Box of  guilt, resentment and bitterness.  People have been studying this for years, so why waste time mulling it all ad nauseam ?  Or blaming others?  Or Yourself?  Or God?  Or your Son?  On page 82 of Mama, Get the Hammer, my mom lists "What We Have Learned" and she says:

"Third, we have learned to accept him where he is, and to say, "Thank You, Lord, for what You are doing in the life of our son, even though we cannot see it now.  We know that You love him, and we leave him in Your Hands."  ...Therefore, we are no longer tormented by regrets.  We think we know what kind of life would bring our son fullfillment, but the choice is his."

Secondly, you mentioned that your son was raised in a "Christian" home, but that you were praying for his salvation or return to his faith.  I can't really say much about your son's religious beliefs not knowing him or the circumstances personally, but I will say that just because his sexual preferences have become known to you and your husband doesn't really reflect on his walk with God or his salvation.  I plan on discussing this further in future writings.  But for now, I'd be glad to send you a copy of Mom's Memorial DVD free in which she discusses the topic.  *(I'll need your shipping address for this)

Check out the video's we've placed on www.YouTube.com and search BARBARA JOHNSON - and hear her speak for herself.  Or go to the web and read the various articles we have on the topic.  Make sure you sign up for the Love Line Newsletter so we can continue to encourage you and others.  And as for ways to pray, for me, I pray for an Understanding Spirit to assist me to be Kind and Loving in All I do.  And ways to encourage others who are struggling too.

And as for a Spatula Ministry in your area of northwest suburbs of IL, this is the place to ask.  We are beginning to pull together many hurting parents and going through our listings to ask others who have been down the road to share with us their experiences and help us with our "grief process".  And if there is no one, then it might be your opportunity to begin a ministry there!  And we have information right from my mother's book, "I'm So Glad..." on how to share with others by starting your own Group.  We'll be here to encourage you!

Please keep in touch with me and the others on the board and let us know what is happening.  And we will begin a database on this board to begin listing those that will make themselves available in your area.   I'll be following the board and look forward to chatting again soon!

Joyfully,

David