Hi. I'm new here, too.
I am a junior at college and just now  I am starting to feel like I
might make some acquaintances. This semester I am so involved with my
major that I don't have time to worry about having no friends. I care
more about getting into a good grad school.  Since I'm not thinking
about socializing, it's starting to come automatically.

My advice is:
Find a major that really interests you. Also join one or two clubs
that sound interesting. Then you will be around people that share a
common interest. That will make it easier to talk to them.  You might
feel back in "your element."

I bet you are probably taking a lot of genral ed. classes with people
who don't share your interests.  Don't feel bad about not relating to
them. Spend time cultivating your interests. That's what the first two
years of college are for, in my opinion.


--- In SocialFitnessForum@y..., "rjkimball" <rjkimball@y...> wrote:
> Hi there... I am a first year college student having a very hard
time
> finding a place for myself in a new environment. For years I had the
> same close-knit group of friends, and now being away from them I am
> finding it impossible to initiate new relationships. I have been
here
> for over a semester now and I have yet to make any friends, or even
> acquaintances. I get very tonge-tied whenever I try to talk to
> people. I am very smart and normally a decent conversationalist.
> Being out of "my element" has been really hard... I would welcome
any
> advice anyone might have... Thanks

I went off of paxil because i felt that it didn't have any effect on
me.  Especially after i read all the withdrawal symptoms that other
people experienced is what caused me to stop. I just got prescribed
to risperdal...?? It is an anti-psychotic med that helps people with
behavioral problems such as me (social anxiety disorder, social
phobia, etc).  This drug is supposed to be very powerful and
effective for most people but there are side effects like most drugs
do.  There is a small possibility that you will get neuroleptic
malignant syndrome, which causes abnormal movements of your face.  I
am starting off on a low dosage due to the potential side effects.
After my experience with this drug after a couple of weeks, i will
be back to share my results...in the meantime, whoever has had
experience, please help and give me some advice. thankyou

Just in case anybody out there is taking Serzone for
social anxiety, please read the new warning about
liver damage at:

http://www.fda.gov/medwatch/SAFETY/2002/serzone_deardoc.PDF

or search for Serzone on www.google.com .

__________________________________________________
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--- In SocialFitnessForum@y..., mark@o... wrote:
> From my experience the antidepressent/antianxity drugs can make you
more receptive to counceling and other treatments so they will have a
greater chance of sucsess.
>
> The drugs may allow you to break through the barrier and make more
social contact especially when combined with counceling.
>
> I strongly agree that the drugs on their own will not solve the
problem if you do not change.
>
>
> In the UK, most NHS [National Health Service] GPs are often unable
to give much patient attention and prescribe antidepressents on their
own. I was lucky and was reffered to the young persons section of the
local hospital, which provides a better level of support and
monitering [the first type of antidepressent I tryed had side effects
on me].
>
> There is a website [provided by NHS direct] on depression that
lists many antidepressent medicines and other depression related
topics. It may be useful for somebody. It is avaliable on
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/innerpage.asp?Area=11&Topic=310
>
>
>
> Mark

Thanks for the info, i might make an appointment with the doctor...
>What sorts of things happen with councelling and how long does it
take?
>
>
> ----------
> Get a fun email address at http://another.com
> COOL: Personalise a t-shirt with your name/email/slogan
> from 9.99 pounds. CLICK HERE http://another-shop.com

If your someone who experiences more than the  average amount of
anxiety, you are full of potential for greatness. Why? Because you
probably have above average intelligence.  You are  highly creative
with a fabuulous imagination. You are detail oriented and
analytical. These are wonderful traits that can make you extremely
successful and enable you to accomplish great things. Unfortunately,
people with anxiety disorders tend to use their attributes to scare
them selves.....

Hi - I'm new to the group.  I'm looking for other people who have the
same fears about socializing.  I grew up as a shy child, then
overcame the fear when I was in college.  Now, I feel like I'm
suddenly right back where I started.

I work in a very social environment for a Non-profit Agency.  I love
my job, and can "fake" pretty well when faced with social situations,
the only thing is that I am petrified.  We have a lot of meetings and
confrences where we have to have break off sessions and social
interactions.

I am very shy when it comes to basic conversations and get nervous in
groups.  Unless there is someone who moderates and makes me feel
comfortable, I usually freeze up and don't speak my mind.

Does anyone have suggestions on conversation starters?

Help
  I feel so sad. Like I'll never change  .I'm always so quiet and i
can't seem to gain any measure of financial success. How am I
supposed to get a job at a decent rate ofpay.  a wage that is
livable. I always seem to be the lowest paid employee on the totem
pole. No matter what job. The interview is the most terrifying. I'm
35 and still live at home with my parents could never afford to move.
Too afraid.  Fear factor
:people.

Just like to introduce myself to everyone here on the board. My name
is David and I have joined this forum for one reason. The reason is
to help ease my constant anxieties that surround me everyday in my
life. I am a father of a 20 month old beautiful girl, go to school
full time and work full time. You can imagine how hard it can be to
juggle so much and deal with the stresses of anxiety that I do
daily. I hope some to learn more of you all and look forward to
beginning discussions soon.

Hi, I had exactly the same problem as you 8 years ago.  My advice
to you is to really try as hard as you can to overcome this as soon
as possible, because if you hid away from it, you will end up like
me - still unable to make friends 8 years later!  Joining clubs is a
great idea.  Remember that no-one finds it easy, even if they look
like they do.  It will be hard at first but persevere and you will be so
much better off for it in the end.

Good luck, you can do it!
Claire :o)

On 27 Jan 02, at 12:43, indiegirlalbarn wrote:

> --- In SocialFitnessForum@y..., "rjkimball" <rjkimball@y...> wrote: >
> Hi there... I am a first year college student having a very hard time
> > finding a place for myself in a new environment. For years I had the
> > same close-knit group of friends, and now being away from them I am
> > finding it impossible to initiate new relationships. I have been
> here > for over a semester now and I have yet to make any friends, or
> even > acquaintances. I get very tonge-tied whenever I try to talk to
> > people. I am very smart and normally a decent conversationalist. >
> Being out of "my element" has been really hard... I would welcome any
> > advice anyone might have... Thanks
>
>
> Hi I know how you feel, I found it really difficult when I started my
> new job and I didn't know anyone. Its really hard to find things to
> talk about when you don't know anybody very well and you are nervous.
> This might not be any help to you but you could try to(if you havent
> already)join clubs/organisations which you are interested in so you
> can find people who have the same interests as you. Hope it helps!
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
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> ---------------------------------------------------------------------~
> ->
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> SocialFitnessForum-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
> http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>

Hi There,
Yep, that's pretty much what's happening for me.  I was diagnosed
because I signed up for a clinical trial and the shrink there took me
through a load of questionnaires to confirm my diagnosis.

Since then I have seen a psychologist who is sending me for
treatment to stop my negative thinking cycles, since we
determined between us that they were the main problem.  (You
know, like you make the effort to go out or visit family then beat
yourself up for days after for saying stupid things and acting like an
idiot, then the next time you're asked you say no cos its safer.)

Indiegirl, if you want to chat about it anytime I'd love to hear from
you.  I'm not able to check my mail everyday at the moment, but I
will reply as soon as possible.

In the meantime, try this link:
http://www.socialanxietyinstitute.org/socialanxiety.html

It describes the condition so you'll be able to tell yourself whether it
is what you are suffering from.

I was so pleased to find it cos it describes me perfectly!

Speak soon,
Claire :o)

On 24 Jan 02, at 14:23, Mr. Like2Walk wrote:

> If you go to a medical doctor, chances are you will be prescribed
> something like Paxil.
>
> If you go to a therapist or psychologist, chances are you will be
> shown techniques to reshape your thinking patterns.
>
> Having tried both, I'd suggest the second approach.  It is much
> slower, but it has the potential of making lifelong changes without
> side effects.
>  The drug approach has negative side effects and is effective only
>  while
> you are taking the drug.  Many, or even most, eventually abandon the
> drugs due to the side effects, and then are back to where they
> started.
>
>
> It is possible, of course, do do both approaches at the same time, and
> it would be reasonable to expect a mixture of the results, too.  My
> guess is that would be a reasonable approach for somebody that is
> already fairly involved with the psychological approaches and needs
> that "extra boost" for a specific period of their long-term program.
>
> L2W
>
> ---- "indiegirlalbarn" <indiegirl@...>
> wrote: > Hi Claire, Im also from the UK! > I think I may also have SAD
> but Im not sure whether to go to the > doctor or not. Is this what you
> did? If so, what sorts of > tests/questions did they ask you and did
> they suggest any treatment? > > Hope to hear from you soon! > > > > >
> > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: >
> SocialFitnessForum-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com > >  > > Your use of
> Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/ > > > >
>
> __________________________________________________
> FREE voicemail, email, and fax...all in one place.
> Sign Up Now! http://www.onebox.com
>
>
> ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
> ---------------------~--> Regain your reading independence with
> Telesensory! We have helped over 100,000 people to read again. Learn
> more at www.telesensory.com
> http://us.click.yahoo.com/YxM2lB/p6NDAA/xGEGAA/bLkolB/TM
> ---------------------------------------------------------------------~
> ->
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> SocialFitnessForum-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
> http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>

It's hard tell how long counseling/theraphy will take.  It is
probably measured in months, or perhaps years.  The best
sort of counseling for social phobia is Cognitive-Behavioral
therapy.  In my experience, this is popular in the academic
world but few practitioners do it well.

You should expect counseling to help you figure out why
you have difficulty in certain situations, what thought
patterns are in place that cause these blocks, and what
thought patterns you can substitute to help you remove
the blocks.  Your counselor should also help you develop
a homework plan that helps you increase your functioning
in various social situations.

If you get a counselor that insists on convincing you that
you should study your early childhood, etc, instead of
working on your thought patterns, you should dump that
councelor.

L2W



---- "indiegirlalbarn" <indiegirl@...> wrote:
> I don't think the rply i sent worked...ah well, thanks for the info,
>
> i might make an appointment with the doctor. what sorts of things
> happen with councelling and how long does it take?
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> SocialFitnessForum-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>

__________________________________________________
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I don't think the rply i sent worked...ah well, thanks for the info,
i might make an appointment with the doctor. what sorts of things
happen with councelling and how long does it take?

--- In SocialFitnessForum@y..., "Mr. Like2Walk" <like2walk@o...>
wrote:
> If you go to a medical doctor, chances are you will be prescribed
something
> like Paxil.
>
> If you go to a therapist or psychologist, chances are you will be
shown
> techniques to reshape your thinking patterns.
>
> Having tried both, I'd suggest the second approach.  It is much
slower,
> but it has the potential of making lifelong changes without side
effects.
>  The drug approach has negative side effects and is effective only
while
> you are taking the drug.  Many, or even most, eventually abandon the
> drugs due to the side effects, and then are back to where they
started.
>
>
> It is possible, of course, do do both approaches at the same time,
and
> it would be reasonable to expect a mixture of the results, too.  My
guess
> is that would be a reasonable approach for somebody that is already
fairly
> involved with the psychological approaches and needs that "extra
boost"
> for a specific period of their long-term program.
>
> L2W
>
> ---- "indiegirlalbarn" <indiegirl@m...> wrote:
> > Hi Claire, Im also from the UK!
> > I think I may also have SAD but Im not sure whether to go to the
> > doctor or not. Is this what you did? If so, what sorts of
> > tests/questions did they ask you and did they suggest any
treatment?
> >
> > Hope to hear from you soon!
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> > SocialFitnessForum-unsubscribe@y...
> >
> >
> >
> > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
> __________________________________________________
> FREE voicemail, email, and fax...all in one place.
> Sign Up Now! http://www.onebox.com

--- In SocialFitnessForum@y..., "rjkimball" <rjkimball@y...> wrote:
> Hi there... I am a first year college student having a very hard
time
> finding a place for myself in a new environment. For years I had
the
> same close-knit group of friends, and now being away from them I am
> finding it impossible to initiate new relationships. I have been
here
> for over a semester now and I have yet to make any friends, or even
> acquaintances. I get very tonge-tied whenever I try to talk to
> people. I am very smart and normally a decent conversationalist.
> Being out of "my element" has been really hard... I would welcome
any
> advice anyone might have... Thanks


Hi I know how you feel, I found it really difficult when I started my
new job and I didn't know anyone. Its really hard to find things to
talk about when you don't know anybody very well and you are nervous.
This might not be any help to you but you could try to(if you havent
already)join clubs/organisations which you are interested in so you
can find people who have the same interests as you. Hope it helps!

Hi there... I am a first year college student having a very hard time
finding a place for myself in a new environment. For years I had the
same close-knit group of friends, and now being away from them I am
finding it impossible to initiate new relationships. I have been here
for over a semester now and I have yet to make any friends, or even
acquaintances. I get very tonge-tied whenever I try to talk to
people. I am very smart and normally a decent conversationalist.
Being out of "my element" has been really hard... I would welcome any
advice anyone might have... Thanks

From my experience the antidepressent/antianxity drugs can make you more
receptive to counceling and other treatments so they will have a greater chance
of sucsess.

The drugs may allow you to break through the barrier and make more social
contact especially when combined with counceling.

I strongly agree that the drugs on their own will not solve the problem if you
do not change.


In the UK, most NHS [National Health Service] GPs are often unable to give much
patient attention and prescribe antidepressents on their own. I was lucky and
was reffered to the young persons section of the local hospital, which provides
a better level of support and monitering [the first type of antidepressent I
tryed had side effects on me].

There is a website [provided by NHS direct] on depression that lists many
antidepressent medicines and other depression related topics. It may be useful
for somebody. It is avaliable on
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/innerpage.asp?Area=11&Topic=310



Mark



----------
Get a fun email address at http://another.com
COOL: Personalise a t-shirt with your name/email/slogan
from 9.99 pounds. CLICK HERE http://another-shop.com

From my experience the antidepressent/antianxity drugs can make you more
receptive to counceling and other treatments so they will have a greater chance
of sucsess.

The drugs may allow you to break through the barrier and make more social
contact especially when combined with counceling.

I strongly agree that the drugs on their own will not solve the problem if you
do not change.


In the UK, most NHS [National Health Service] GPs are often unable to give much
patient attention and prescribe antidepressents on their own. I was lucky and
was reffered to the young persons section of the local hospital, which provides
a better level of support and monitering [the first type of antidepressent I
tryed had side effects on me].

There is a website [provided by NHS direct] on depression that lists many
antidepressent medicines and other depression related topics. It may be useful
for somebody. It is avaliable on
http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/innerpage.asp?Area=11&Topic=310



Mark



----------
Get a fun email address at http://another.com
COOL: Personalise a t-shirt with your name/email/slogan
from 9.99 pounds. CLICK HERE http://another-shop.com

If you go to a medical doctor, chances are you will be prescribed something
like Paxil.

If you go to a therapist or psychologist, chances are you will be shown
techniques to reshape your thinking patterns.

Having tried both, I'd suggest the second approach.  It is much slower,
but it has the potential of making lifelong changes without side effects.
  The drug approach has negative side effects and is effective only while
you are taking the drug.  Many, or even most, eventually abandon the
drugs due to the side effects, and then are back to where they started.


It is possible, of course, do do both approaches at the same time, and
it would be reasonable to expect a mixture of the results, too.  My guess
is that would be a reasonable approach for somebody that is already fairly
involved with the psychological approaches and needs that "extra boost"
for a specific period of their long-term program.

L2W

---- "indiegirlalbarn" <indiegirl@...> wrote:
> Hi Claire, Im also from the UK!
> I think I may also have SAD but Im not sure whether to go to the
> doctor or not. Is this what you did? If so, what sorts of
> tests/questions did they ask you and did they suggest any treatment?
>
> Hope to hear from you soon!
>
>
>
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> SocialFitnessForum-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>

__________________________________________________
FREE voicemail, email, and fax...all in one place.
Sign Up Now! http://www.onebox.com

Hi Claire, Im also from the UK!
I think I may also have SAD but Im not sure whether to go to the
doctor or not. Is this what you did? If so, what sorts of
tests/questions did they ask you and did they suggest any treatment?
Hope to hear from you soon!

thank you for the tips.  i will give them a try.

Hello There,

I'm Claire, 27 from Midlands UK.

I've just been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder (with the
unfortunate abbreviation of SAD!) and I'm so glad because I don't
feel like such a freak anymore.

I have the classic symptoms, avoiding social outings, phone calls,
even avoiding friends and family.

I would love to talk to people with similar or related problems.

Speak to you all soon,
Claire :o)

Another approach would be to "work up to it".  Start with
smaller goals and when you are comfortable, raise the
goal.

For instance, start with a good conversation with the
least intimidating woman you can find.  Perhaps an older
clerk at the grocery store.  If that is easy, or becomes
easy over time, raise the goal.  Talk to somebody who
would be more like somebody you'd like to date.  Keep
doing this goal-setting and practice process until you can
talk to anybody.

If you find you've picked a goal that is too high, drop
down to the previous goal that you completed and practice
a bit.  Then find a goal that is halfway between the current
goal and the one that was too hard.

--Bob


---- "springsrv9" <scott4015@...> wrote:
> Hi I've finally realized that i have a problem talking to women that
>
> i have an attraction to. I am usually a funny witty person, somewhat
>
> quiet around people that i don't know to well. heres my problem, if
>
> i'm around a girl that i am interested in i get all nervous and it
>
> seems like i have nothing to say to her. The more i try to think of
>
> stuff to say or be myself the more nervous i get and that makes it
>
> even worse so i look like a really quiet person when i am actually
>
> not. I like when we go out drinking with the guys because i don't
> feel as nervous. and why is it that some people i can warm up to and
>
> talk to right away like we've know each other for 10 years. anyone
>
> have an ideas or suggestions i would greatly appreciat the info.
> also if you know of any other good resources to check up on i would
>
> like to know that as well..
>
> Thanks for the help.
> scott
>
>
> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
> SocialFitnessForum-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
>
>
>
> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
>
>
>
>

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Hi Scott,

Most people (including women) are pretty friendly when you show a
casual interest in them -- so you might try to think of some questions
in advance that you can ask the women you are interested in.  Find out
more about them, what they like to do, etc.  They'll probably ask you
some questions in return, so you should also be ready to disclose some
information about yourself.  You don't need to be incredibly witty (in
my opinion), just sincere and genuine.  Treat the women as you would
want a potential friend to treat you.

You also might try to challenge your negative automatic thoughts.  For
example, do you really have NOTHING to say to the women?  Or do you
worry that the things you might say will appear stupid/boring/...?  If
you can figure out exactly what thoughts are getting in your way,
that's a big step in the right direction.  Ask yourself whether these
thoughts are truly rational.  You may discover that negative,
irrational thinking patterns are keeping you from experimenting.  The
good news is that these thinking patterns can be changed with practice.
If you want more help challenging your thoughts, you can always send
another post to the forum.

good luck!

Hi I've finally realized that i have a problem talking to women that
i have an attraction to. I am usually a funny witty person, somewhat
quiet around people that i don't know to well. heres my problem, if
i'm around a girl that i am interested in i get all nervous and it
seems like i have nothing to say to her. The more i try to think of
stuff to say or be myself the more nervous i get and that makes it
even worse so i look like a really quiet person when i am actually
not. I like when we go out drinking with the guys because i don't
feel as nervous. and why is it that some people i can warm up to and
talk to right away like we've know each other for 10 years. anyone
have an ideas or suggestions i would greatly appreciat the info.
also if you know of any other good resources to check up on i would
like to know that as well..

Thanks for the help.
scott

Hi Everyone,

Lynne Henderson asked me to forward the following message to the forum.
The individual who wrote the message thought that it might be helpful
to others.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wanted to mention something I'm doing now that may be of use to
others:

I've joined a fund-raising cycling event for the Leukemia/Lymphoma
Society and am currently training every weekend for a 100-miles ride in
March. Challenging myself so much, physically, has been socially
rewarding, as well. I find that I not only feel better about myself
with every personal milestone  (56 miles, non-stop, this past
Saturday!), but I feel more connected to the other members on my team
with whom I'm riding.

In fact, I recommend this "Team in Training" program for others. The
cyclists tend to be out-going, I've noticed, and that can be
intimidating, but they also go the extra yard to reach out to others
who are particpating (including yours truly). As a result, the
atmosphere is *extremely* supportive. I find myself now looking forward
to these barbaric training rides!

The fund-raising portion of the program is also challenging as you are
really required to put yourself out there - to send of letters and
collect money for the cause. What you find is that, while it is still
daunting to put yourself out there, it's not hard to find the words
with which to do it: There are more than 20 "example" letters and forms
that you can borrow from.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sounds pretty neat to me.
Anyone else out there have experience with Team in Training?

The other day I realized that the behavioral patterns and feelings I
get around other people (like at a party) are also present in other situations
that have nothing to do with people.

In particular, I'm running out of my flake-type breakfast cereal and
need to start using up my oatmeal.  Now, this is about as far removed
from a social situation as one can get.  But yet, I'm avoiding the switchover.
  I know I enjoy oatmeal (as I enjoy some kinds of socializing), but still
I'm reluctant to do it.  I'm avoiding it like
crazy.

The same goes for hiking, which I really enjoy once I get going.  But
somehow, there's great reluctance to start.  And a huge amount of avoidance.

I used to think that the predominant characteristic was a distaste for
new and novel situations.  But that's not the case here, as I seek out
adventure and excitement in some situations.  For instance, ice climbing.
  And my current Oatmeal Anxiety is not a novel or new situation.

What's up with this?  Is Oatmeal Phobia part of a diagnosable illness,
subject to treatment?

Has anybody else noticed their social anxieties are part of a larger
pattern of avoidance similar to what I've described here?


-like2walk-


------------
I like to walk.  Preferably in the mountains or
in a forest.  Or perhaps on glaciers.  How about you?
My email address is like2walk@..., but be patient
in getting a response.  I sometimes don't real email here
for several weeks.



__________________________________________________
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I found this new software that will keep a mood diary for you.

It will generate graphs and statistics telling you how your moods
have been for the past week/month/year/etc.

Sounds like Quicken for moods.

http://www.moodstats.com

Brian

Yes, I sure hope the move to Yahoo doesn't slow down the
discussion.

How about authority figures?  Do you have trouble talking
to them, too?  Like a boss, a teacher, the leader of a
sports team or a club?  Even if they are your age?

Often, people have trouble talking to authority figures, and
perhaps that can help you with the age thing, too.

--Bob

--- In SocialFitnessForum@y..., "boopertbaby" <boopertbaby@y...>
wrote:
> i hope that moveing to the yahoo site stop many people who usually
> come to the forum because reading the many posts really help me to
> get along with my shyness...i guess i have my shyness under control
> and im learning to change one thing i cant seem t oget over is
> talking to people older than me..im not sure why i do tht but
anyone
> older than me i have a hard time talking to and i guess im
wondering
> if anyone has any tips or advise on how to get past that
>
> thanks

i hope that moveing to the yahoo site stop many people who usually
come to the forum because reading the many posts really help me to
get along with my shyness...i guess i have my shyness under control
and im learning to change one thing i cant seem t oget over is
talking to people older than me..im not sure why i do tht but anyone
older than me i have a hard time talking to and i guess im wondering
if anyone has any tips or advise on how to get past that

thanks