Hi Everyone,

Just found this group in my search for information on shyness on the
web. I am 27, and have spent my teenage and adult life under the
shadow of a shy personality, which has hindered both my personal and
professional life.

I have only just recently sat down and put a word to how I feel. I
have mulled over words like "depressed", "introverted", "lazy" for a
long time - and just came to the realization that these are (for me
at least) side effects of my severe shyness. I unfortunately have had
nowhere to turn to "get help" with this and it has taken me a
looooong time to confront myself with the big S word (shy).

I am the type of person who has one or two friends at a time, and
long for a "group" of friends. I have thought about all my past "good
friends", and they are all the type of person who don't react badly
to my shyness - as if they don't see it. They just treat me like a
normal person. But sometimes friends move on, and for the past year
and a half I have found myself in a situation of having no friends at
all :( Which has caused me to feel extremely isolated and cut off to
the rest of civilisation.

Which is strange - I have a loving fiance, so i'm not strictly alone.
She is shy too (not as bad as me), so we are almost catalysts for
each others shyness. Neither of us have a group of friends that we
can pull the other partner along with. So we spend night after night
inside the house not socializing. I use online gaming as a (poor)
substitute to socializing, and she does hobbies and watches TV. My
own hobbies besides gaming are all loner hobbies like comics and
collecting action figures (heh...) - hobbies I feel ashamed of most
of the time.

But this isn't a sob story - I do try to help myself. I try to have a
positive outlook when in social situations. But I find it hard. In
terms of family and people who have known me for a long time, it's
harder than with strangers - because they have known me for so long
as the shy person, so I feel their attitude towards me prevents me
from breaking out of my shyness when around them. I will sit in at a
family gathering and try to talk to people....y'know, strike up
conversations? They will answer the question I throw at them, and
then not follow on the conversation. Having a discussion is a two way
street, so the talking kinda stops because they don't reach back out
to me. Which makes me feel so uncomfortable that I just shrink back
into my old self and sit there. No one comes up to strike up
conversations with me, but they will talk to everyone else in the
room - making me feel like an outcast. Maybe they see me as not
wanting to talk, so I know some of the blame in this situation lays
at my own feet. But it seems no matter how much I try, I can't (and
people who know me make it really hard) to break out of the shyness.
As if i'm stuck in this role for life - a horridly depressing thought.

Before any social outings, I start feeling uncomfortable up to 4 or 5
hours before the time, knowing what lies in wait. I go through phases
of grumpyness and trying to talk myself out of not going to the party
or the dinner or whatever function it is. After social outings I feel
depressed and sometimes start thinking suicidal thoughts.

Work isn't much better. Since graduating from my degree, I have
settles for second best. I went to work in a factory, claiming
that "there was no jobs out there for me" when i didn't even look!! I
have always put that down to lazyness - similar to me not trying in
my studies at uni. It stems from not wanting to stand out in fear of
akward situations. So I have settled for second best jobs. I am
currently working in my proffesion of choice - but not strictly
because I was brave enough to break out of the vicious cycle. My boss
is a felow former gamer, so conincidence led me into my current job.
It's a low paying job for what I can do, but I never ask for a pay
rise or look else where for a better job. The social aspect of work
is similar to my family - they already know me, so attempts to break
out of the shyness fail and they don't seem to treat me like they
treat anyone else. When we have nights out with the staff, my boss
makes jokes about how quiet I am and doesn't hesitate to tell anyone
who doesn't know me how quiet I am...which doesn't make for a fun
night!

So I am really desperate for some help. I am friendless, and lonely.
My wedding is in 6 months and I have no one to turn to to be my best
man :( Well, no one who deserves that roll I mean.

I seriously think Shyness is a mental health issue. It has caused me
such pain and anxiety in my life that I couldn't see how it could be
anything else. But I don't want to be the shy guy all my life -
"quiet guy" I can live with - but shyness is a totally different
kettle of fish to quietness.

Thank you for listening and letting me get this off my chest. I hope
some of you can relate and give me feedback about how I can break
this cycle of shyness.

Mike