I think that for me being around others with the same issues as I'm dealing with would be a great help.  We could learn a lot from each other and notice that we're not alone in these things.  I think that even "normal" people have these issues--all be it not as suvere--but that they have learned to either overcome or cope with them.  If we could get a group together, one in which everybody lays there cards on the table so to speak, we could learn a lot more than from social interaction in general.  Of course there's a lot which can be learned here as well--I think this to be the "real" learning--but sometimes having a more structured environment works better.

 

When I say awareness I'm talking about awareness of your body in these situations.  For example if I'm at a party and start to feel anxious, if I'm unaware of the anxiety I may not notice it until it gets pretty bad.  However as I become more aware of these things--and the things which trigger the responces for me personally--I start to notice sooner and sooner and thus can handle it better.  It's much harder to overcome a full-blown panic attack, but I can deal with a little anxiety.  I don't know if I'm explaining this clearly (I am, after all, still learning about my "unconscious" reactions to things) but I think that the sooner we catch ourselves getting into one of these situations the sooner we can do something about it.

 

I've also learned that anxiety--as with all other feelings and thoughts--are actually the result of a strategy we use.  For example, we may have certain thoughts which lead to us feeling anxious, however in most situations we're aware only of the anxious feeling and not the thoughts which preceed it; this is just an example off the top of my head, and I'm going from my own experience of how I react.  If I notice myself having anxiety-producing thoughts, like when I am in a large group of people, I can choose to think different thoughts and hence never get to the feeling of anxiety.  It's a lot easier said than done, though, and I'm by no means an expert in this... Yet. :-)  Be well.

----- Original Message -----

From: Bob Mayo

To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2007 9:39 PM

Subject: Re: [SocialFitnessForum] Weekend practice workshop?

Hey Sam,

I'm glad that you and others seem to be interested in this. I've been in
weekend personal-growth groups and seen the level of excitement and progress
that can happen when people are focused on the same goal. I think one benefit
of a weekend workshop for the socially anxious would be to meet others and
learn their stories, thereby recognizing how many other people are in similar
situations (or used to be).

I had in mind a behavioral group, as in the "B" part of a CBT group
(cognitive-behavioral therapy). I think this would work well if everybody had
already done their beginning cognitive work. This could be either through a
16-week CBT program with a therapist, from doing the 20-week Dr Richards audio
series, or something equivalent.

But I'm not stuck on just that idea. I believe lots of things can help people
and could be included in the weekend. But I also believe that a major focus
should be on CBT, since that is the only non-medication therapy that seems to
help a large percentage of people. And it is probably not worth using weekend
time teaching the CBT techniques to anybody, as they can be learned from a
therapist or even a book.

I understand that you find awareness to be helpful, but I must confess I don't
see how. Can you explain further? If I'm in a situation with my heart
pounding and my palms sweating, can I use this somehow? For instance, what
should I do if I can't seem to go up to talk with somebody at a party?

Cheers,

--Bob

--- Sam Rau <sam.rau@wmich.edu> wrote:

> I think that awareness in and of itself is transformative. Just by becoming
> aware of how I react in social situations has brought me a long way towards
> changing such situations to those which I want rather than those which I
> don't. I believe that we cannot do something which is harmful or
> unresourceful for us unless we do it unconsciously; in other words, unless
> we're unaware of what we're doing inside to create negative outcomes in our
> lives, we cannot create such outcomes. I'm not just talking about awareness
> of our anxiety in a particular situation, for example, but rather awareness
> of how you are "doing" the anxiety at times. I believe that rather something
> you have, emotions--as with thoughts and much more--are something you do,
> which gives us a great advantage if we choose to change them.
>
> It seems that this idea of a workshop would be an excellent way for expantion
> of awareness. I don't really think that such an intensive thing is
> necessary--maybe even just a week or weekend--if we're really focused on
> change. If we have a common intention--as we more than likely do with this
> group--things will unfold much faster. For example, if we're all focused on
> being aware of anxiety whilst doing an exercize in which we're to partner up
> and do something (I haven't gotten that far yet) things would happen much
> faster than if we were to focus on a particular technique etc. I'd
> definitely be interested to hear updates on this; anyone else have thoughts
> on this? It seems to me that you've got experience in this area--I haven't
> checked your website out yet but it's clear that you want to help others
> overcome challenges which you yourself have learned to overcome--and that
> you'd be a valuable resource in setting something like this up. I'd be
> greatful to be a part of something like this; this is right up my aley.
>
> It also may be possible to schedule a conference call or something, in which
> we could all call in or something. These are just starting points--I'm
> excited about this--but I'd really love to experience something like this. I
> have some ideas of things which could benifit people on here, but it'd be
> interesting to get a group like this together in person and see where it
> goes.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Bob Mayo
> To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2007 5:59 PM
> Subject: Re: [SocialFitnessForum] Weekend practice workshop?
>
>
> Yes, I guess I should have said more.
>
> You are correct -- I am referring to a workshop where people practice
> situations they find to be uncomfortable.
>
> Let me say a bit about how I see the treatment of shyness. I'm pretty much
> following the standard approach. First, a client such as myself takes a
> standard course of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). For example, 1 day
> per
> week for 16 weeks. During this he constructs a list of uncomfortable
> situations ranging from fairly easy to impossible, and learns cognitive
> skills
> to deal with them. He then practices situations starting at the bottom of
> the
> list until he works his way to the top (at which point he is "cured", I
> guess).
> A program used by many therapists is published in "Managing Social Anxiety"
> by
> Debora A. Hope. It is also possible for a person to buy that book and do a
> watered-down verson of treatment program by themselves.
>
> Many situations, like introducing oneself to a stranger at a party, can be
> broken into a series of baby steps. For instance, the easiest might be to
> just
> run the scenario in their imagination. The hardest might be to do it at a
> singles party. And in-between it is possible to construct situations with
> an
> almost infinite variety of difficulty by role-playing things with other
> socially anxious people.
>
> At the end of the typical 16-week CBT treatment the therapist usually says
> something along the lines of "Well, the treatment is over. Too bad there
> aren't enough shy people in this city who are interested in follow-up
> practice
> sessions, even though that would be very valuable for you. So you are on
> your
> own. Have a good life and good luck!". As far as I can tell, it is very
> rare
> to find followup groups.
>
> It would seem to make sense to have weekend workshops where people from
> around
> the country could fly in for practice. Of course most people would not be
> interested in flying for this, but only about 6 or 8 people are needed,
> nationwide. The weekend format also has the added benefit that there is a
> lot
> of practice condensed into one weekend. Many people believe that
> concentrated
> practice like this is more valuable than practice that is spaced out.
>
> If I do find something like this, or even create it myself, I will post it
> at
> my web site http://www.socialanxietyresources.com/ .
>
> --Bob
>
> --- Sam Rau <sam.rau@wmich.edu> wrote:
>
> > Unfortunately I'm unsure as to what this is referring to. It seems as if
> > you're talking about a workshop where people could get together and
> practice
> > social skills? Please fill me in on anything which may be added here.
> >
> > I've often wondered about this very same thing. It's easy to read a book
> or
> > something and go out in the real world and practice--actually this is the
> > best way to learn--but it seems to me that it'd be much more benificial
> if we
> > were to join together for a common purpose. I've been making many
> > improvements on my social skills lately, but it's a little difficult for
> me
> > to interact with strangers, especially when I'm unsure of what there
> agenda
> > is. If we could have common ground--all of us working to improve our
> social
> > skills--we wouldn't have the problem of having to break the ice, so to
> speak.
> >
> > I think that maybe if we could organize something like this it would help
> out
> > and greatly speed up the process of learning to do this stuff. I'd like
> to
> > hear your thoughts on this, and perhaps we can get something going? I'm
> > actually very interested in sharing my experiences--both about social
> > improvements and improvements we may make in life in general--in front of
> > groups of people; I plan to make money doing this some day, and I'd like
> to
> > speak to a group who I know won't reject my ideas. I don't think that my
> > ideas would be rejected outright anyway, but I'd be willing to bet that a
> > group like this would be much more receptive and could give me a lot of
> tips
> > on how I might improve.
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: Bob Mayo
> > To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
> > Sent: Monday, June 11, 2007 11:03 PM
> > Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] Weekend practice workshop?
> >
> >
> > Hi,
> >
> > I've done the typical 20-week CBT program and have read a dozen books on
> > the
> > subject.
> >
> > It looks like the next step for me is intensive role-playing of
> party-like
> > situations (introductions, starting conversatons, etc). It seems so
> logical
> > that somebody would offer an "all-exposure weekend", but I have been
> unable
> > to
> > find such a thing.
> >
> > Does anybody know of a workshop like that? (Anywhere worldwide, as long
> as
> > it
> > is held in English.)
> >
> > --Bob
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>