Hey Sam,

I'm glad that you and others seem to be interested in this. I've been in
weekend personal-growth groups and seen the level of excitement and progress
that can happen when people are focused on the same goal. I think one benefit
of a weekend workshop for the socially anxious would be to meet others and
learn their stories, thereby recognizing how many other people are in similar
situations (or used to be).

I had in mind a behavioral group, as in the "B" part of a CBT group
(cognitive-behavioral therapy). I think this would work well if everybody had
already done their beginning cognitive work. This could be either through a
16-week CBT program with a therapist, from doing the 20-week Dr Richards audio
series, or something equivalent.

But I'm not stuck on just that idea. I believe lots of things can help people
and could be included in the weekend. But I also believe that a major focus
should be on CBT, since that is the only non-medication therapy that seems to
help a large percentage of people. And it is probably not worth using weekend
time teaching the CBT techniques to anybody, as they can be learned from a
therapist or even a book.

I understand that you find awareness to be helpful, but I must confess I don't
see how. Can you explain further? If I'm in a situation with my heart
pounding and my palms sweating, can I use this somehow? For instance, what
should I do if I can't seem to go up to talk with somebody at a party?

Cheers,

--Bob


--- Sam Rau <sam.rau@...> wrote:

> I think that awareness in and of itself is transformative. Just by becoming
> aware of how I react in social situations has brought me a long way towards
> changing such situations to those which I want rather than those which I
> don't. I believe that we cannot do something which is harmful or
> unresourceful for us unless we do it unconsciously; in other words, unless
> we're unaware of what we're doing inside to create negative outcomes in our
> lives, we cannot create such outcomes. I'm not just talking about awareness
> of our anxiety in a particular situation, for example, but rather awareness
> of how you are "doing" the anxiety at times. I believe that rather something
> you have, emotions--as with thoughts and much more--are something you do,
> which gives us a great advantage if we choose to change them.
>
> It seems that this idea of a workshop would be an excellent way for expantion
> of awareness. I don't really think that such an intensive thing is
> necessary--maybe even just a week or weekend--if we're really focused on
> change. If we have a common intention--as we more than likely do with this
> group--things will unfold much faster. For example, if we're all focused on
> being aware of anxiety whilst doing an exercize in which we're to partner up
> and do something (I haven't gotten that far yet) things would happen much
> faster than if we were to focus on a particular technique etc. I'd
> definitely be interested to hear updates on this; anyone else have thoughts
> on this? It seems to me that you've got experience in this area--I haven't
> checked your website out yet but it's clear that you want to help others
> overcome challenges which you yourself have learned to overcome--and that
> you'd be a valuable resource in setting something like this up. I'd be
> greatful to be a part of something like this; this is right up my aley.
>
> It also may be possible to schedule a conference call or something, in which
> we could all call in or something. These are just starting points--I'm
> excited about this--but I'd really love to experience something like this. I
> have some ideas of things which could benifit people on here, but it'd be
> interesting to get a group like this together in person and see where it
> goes.
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Bob Mayo
> To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Wednesday, June 13, 2007 5:59 PM
> Subject: Re: [SocialFitnessForum] Weekend practice workshop?
>
>
> Yes, I guess I should have said more.
>
> You are correct -- I am referring to a workshop where people practice
> situations they find to be uncomfortable.
>
> Let me say a bit about how I see the treatment of shyness. I'm pretty much
> following the standard approach. First, a client such as myself takes a
> standard course of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT). For example, 1 day
> per
> week for 16 weeks. During this he constructs a list of uncomfortable
> situations ranging from fairly easy to impossible, and learns cognitive
> skills
> to deal with them. He then practices situations starting at the bottom of
> the
> list until he works his way to the top (at which point he is "cured", I
> guess).
> A program used by many therapists is published in "Managing Social Anxiety"
> by
> Debora A. Hope. It is also possible for a person to buy that book and do a
> watered-down verson of treatment program by themselves.
>
> Many situations, like introducing oneself to a stranger at a party, can be
> broken into a series of baby steps. For instance, the easiest might be to
> just
> run the scenario in their imagination. The hardest might be to do it at a
> singles party. And in-between it is possible to construct situations with
> an
> almost infinite variety of difficulty by role-playing things with other
> socially anxious people.
>
> At the end of the typical 16-week CBT treatment the therapist usually says
> something along the lines of "Well, the treatment is over. Too bad there
> aren't enough shy people in this city who are interested in follow-up
> practice
> sessions, even though that would be very valuable for you. So you are on
> your
> own. Have a good life and good luck!". As far as I can tell, it is very
> rare
> to find followup groups.
>
> It would seem to make sense to have weekend workshops where people from
> around
> the country could fly in for practice. Of course most people would not be
> interested in flying for this, but only about 6 or 8 people are needed,
> nationwide. The weekend format also has the added benefit that there is a
> lot
> of practice condensed into one weekend. Many people believe that
> concentrated
> practice like this is more valuable than practice that is spaced out.
>
> If I do find something like this, or even create it myself, I will post it
> at
> my web site http://www.socialanxietyresources.com/ .
>
> --Bob
>
> --- Sam Rau <sam.rau@...> wrote:
>
> > Unfortunately I'm unsure as to what this is referring to. It seems as if
> > you're talking about a workshop where people could get together and
> practice
> > social skills? Please fill me in on anything which may be added here.
> >
> > I've often wondered about this very same thing. It's easy to read a book
> or
> > something and go out in the real world and practice--actually this is the
> > best way to learn--but it seems to me that it'd be much more benificial
> if we
> > were to join together for a common purpose. I've been making many
> > improvements on my social skills lately, but it's a little difficult for
> me
> > to interact with strangers, especially when I'm unsure of what there
> agenda
> > is. If we could have common ground--all of us working to improve our
> social
> > skills--we wouldn't have the problem of having to break the ice, so to
> speak.
> >
> > I think that maybe if we could organize something like this it would help
> out
> > and greatly speed up the process of learning to do this stuff. I'd like
> to
> > hear your thoughts on this, and perhaps we can get something going? I'm
> > actually very interested in sharing my experiences--both about social
> > improvements and improvements we may make in life in general--in front of
> > groups of people; I plan to make money doing this some day, and I'd like
> to
> > speak to a group who I know won't reject my ideas. I don't think that my
> > ideas would be rejected outright anyway, but I'd be willing to bet that a
> > group like this would be much more receptive and could give me a lot of
> tips
> > on how I might improve.
> > ----- Original Message -----
> > From: Bob Mayo
> > To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
> > Sent: Monday, June 11, 2007 11:03 PM
> > Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] Weekend practice workshop?
> >
> >
> > Hi,
> >
> > I've done the typical 20-week CBT program and have read a dozen books on
> > the
> > subject.
> >
> > It looks like the next step for me is intensive role-playing of
> party-like
> > situations (introductions, starting conversatons, etc). It seems so
> logical
> > that somebody would offer an "all-exposure weekend", but I have been
> unable
> > to
> > find such a thing.
> >
> > Does anybody know of a workshop like that? (Anywhere worldwide, as long
> as
> > it
> > is held in English.)
> >
> > --Bob
> >
> >
> >
> >
>
>
>
>