Jon

I've certainly had similar experiences to you, but what I've found is, although I enjoy solitary activities, I don't enjoy the solitary lifestyle.  If I sit down at my computer to play a video game, I'll enjoy it at first, but, if I spend an entire night doing it, and, as a result, have no human contact, I'll start to feel pangs of guilt and loneliness.

Reading and using computers have an inherent tendency to be solitary activities. While plenty of people can and do talk about good books, it would feel silly to me to invite someone over to my dorm room so that we could read together. TV can be a group activity, but it doesn't feel like a very good "excuse" for spending time with someone unless you already know them fairly well.

Right now, my strategy for becoming less solitary is to switch to more social activities - There always seems to be someone who's up for playing tennis or basketball, or going to a movie or a concert, so I've been reading movie reviews and taking tennis lessons. I'm not expecting to enjoy the act of swinging a tennis racket as much as I enjoy video games, but I suspect being able to talk to another person while doing it will make it worthwhile.

Steve



At 03:08 AM 4/22/2002, you wrote:

First, yes I'm new here.

Been sort of shy all my life.  Now I'm 33 going on 34 and in a real
bind.  I'm in therapy for a few reasons, but most it seems to stem
back to my lack of a social life.

Problem is I can't tell just what type of social life I want.  My
interests and lifestyle are pretty solitary. I work second shift
which puts me in work at the time most people are hanging out after
work, but these are the hours i like because I'm not a morning
person.  I spend most of my time on the computer, watching TV or
reading and I really enjoy these activities except for the fact I
have few people to share them with.

And I can't tell if that is by choice or if I kind of retreated into
my own little world over time to avoid uncomfortable social
situations.  I can't tell if i should try forcing myself to change my
lifestyle (which I enjoy) to increase my ability to socialize.  Or if
I'd be better off trying to find people who share my limited range of
interests. 

So I'm wondering if anyone else out there finds themsleves at the
same impass of having adapted so well to not socializing that they
can't tell where their own intersts start and the defense mechanisms
end.

Jon


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