I used to have the same problem--feeling as if I was awkward around people--and I can understand what a problem this might cause. I think that the biggest help for me was the realization that I don't really know what anyone else is thinking. I was afraid to smile at someone for fear that they might think it weird and, when I did smile at people, I often got the impression that they thought I was weird or something. I've learned that everyone has their own agenda, most likely not involving you. In other words, if you smile at someone in passing, I don't think that they would take the time to even think about whether it's weird or not; in fact they might get a good feeling from someone actually smiling at them. And if they were to think it weird, I'd wonder what's going on in their world anyway. Would you think it weird if someone smiled at you? I've found that it's better to just put yourself out there--smiling at people, initiating conversation etc--than to remain silent about expressing myself. The percentage of good interactions I've had far outweigh the "bad" or awkward interactions I've had, but only because I've put myself out there. Writing into a forum like this takes a lot more courage--in my oppinion--than smiling at someone. If you can do that, you definately can smile at at least five people today after reading this. Try it out and let us know how it goes; I already know you'll do outstanding, but I want you to proove it. :-) You can do this. Be well.
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, March 28, 2007 3:40 PM
Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] I'm afraid of smiling
I hope somebody can help me, because I have a problem that no
psychology book contains and I have never met or even heard of
anybody with my problem.
10 years ago when I was still in primary school I had grown a huge
social phobia. I could not speak with anybody and ended up trying to
commit suicide. After that I changed school and went to
psychotherapy, and slowly my social fears dimmed but never
disappeared.
One thing never helped though.
I lost my ability to smile. I did not realize before somebody told
me that I did not smile for 2 years.
This grew to a fear of smiling. I feel that when I try to smile it
looks all wrong - and it does. It is a self fullfilling profecy.
Some people are shocked about my "smile" if they did not meet me
before.
This is such an embarrasment for me that I try to avoid every
situation where I feel an obligation to smile. And it is socially
handicapping.
I am a good person but many people don't like me because of this. I
am very good looking, but no girls want to be with me. I am taking a
great education and doing well in life, but people don't respect me
because I've got this handicap.
Nobody understands me because everybody can smile. I like Stephen
King books, but one thing is getting to me. A lot of his evil
characters cannot smile... like me. Am I a bad person because I
cannot smile? I'm beginning to think so. Everybody talks about
peoples "friendly smiles" etc. No, I don't feel sociably acceptable.
I would have taken my life long ago, if I did not have so much
potential. I'm intelligent, good looking, well trained.
But nothing I do can give me self confidence. Because I cannot smile.
I need some help but who can help me? I need to hear about just one
other person on this planet with my problem. It's eating me alive.
Having problems with message search?
Fill out this form to ensure your group is one of the first to be migrated to the new message search system.
Send Email
