> Well, when I
> try that approach, most people don't like talking to me.

Its probably best to look at this objectively unless someone has told
you directly they dont like talking to you then you have no evidence
that this is true. The problem with believing this is true without any
proof just means you hold onto a negative belief that will hamper your
efforts in the future. (well so i've been told i have the same problem).
Having a conversation with someone whether its received well or not is
making a connection the more you make an effort to connect with people
the easier it will be for them to connect with you. Like anything the
more you do it the better you will become you just have to be kind to
yourself and try not to evaluate the results.

I think progress comes slowly as confidence builds having support around
you is important but a lot of people unless they have experienced the
same thing themselves wont really know where you coming from so its
important to sometimes put their advice aside. Conversation dont have to
be meaningfully sometimes they will be but for the most they aren't just
listen to the ones that are going on around you.

When i turned 21 i went backpacking overseas away from everyone i knew
and i thought in that environment i would become a new person
unfortunately it didn't work out that way because i took all the
negative beliefs about myself with me. (even though i had done
assertiveness courses and spent a year in public speaking classes). The
most useful thing I've done for at least challenging negative beliefs is
CBT cognitive behavior therapy. It hasn't been the solution that some
people make it out to be but it is a large piece of the puzzle for me.

Good luck and never stop trying.

Cheers
Glen



On Sat, 16 Dec 2006 14:07:20 -0000, "juls_lilly" <julieaturek@...>
said:
> Hi, this is my first time posting here. I've read through a couple of
> posts, and this looks like a good group. Everyone seems very supportive.
>
> My question is: How do does a person improve his or her social skills?
> People always tell me, "Oh just talk." As if just saying anything
> would be enough and that I'd get better with practice. Well, when I
> try that approach, most people don't like talking to me. For example,
> when I started at a restaurant job in college, I was determined not to
> be known as the "quiet girl." I spoke up, and people just flat out
> dismissed me. Not one person at that job liked me.
>
> Also, I have a hard time creating meaningful conversations and finding
> connections with new people. I'll make small talk, but nothing
> progresses from there--the conversation ends with an awkward silence
> and that's it. On the other hand, when I listen to my friends when
> they meet a new person, they'll chitchat for a few seconds and then
> come up with some brilliant observation or shared interest that will
> jump start an interesting conversation. The other thing is--my
> friends even make their small talk sound interesting!
>
> I feel like maybe in the past I've been trying to take huge leaps of
> improvement before I was ready--like I'm missing some pieces of the
> puzzle. Thank you for reading this looong post, and any advice you
> have is greatly appreciated.
>
--
Glen
pringle31@...

--
http://www.fastmail.fm - I mean, what is it about a decent email service?