> From: "liquidsteves2000" <sdyoung@...>
> Subject: dancing, dating, fear of incompetence
>
> Hi,
>
> I'm new here. My name is Steve. I'm a shy undergrad with a tendency
>
> to bury myself in school work. I have all kinds of social phobias,
> but I think a lot of it comes down to fear of social incompetence
> and
> fear of not realizing that people don't like me.

On this, I need clarity.

>
> I have friends, but I wish I was closer to them, and I wish I had
> more of them. Frequently, on weekends, I'll sit in my room, instant
>
> messaging people to ask them if they're doing anything and if I can
>
> come along. If no one is available, I'll lie around feeling
> depressed.
>
> When I'm actually with people, I often have fun, so long as they're
>
> giving me positive feedback - talking to me, smiling, etc. If
> they're
> talking to someone else or not acting quite friendly enough, I'll
> agonize over whether I'm wanted or not and usually awkwardly leave
> the situation.
>
> My romantic life is essentially non-existant, and, every time I try
>
> to do something about it, I'm overwhelmed by this feeling that I
> have
> no idea how to go about doing whatever it is I need to do, be it
> flirting, dating, kissing, dancing, or anything else. I am very
> inexperienced, but I think I'm also prone to panicking. I'll tend
> to
> ask my friends for tons of advice about this stuff, but it doesn't
> actually help me very much.
>
> Does anyone have any thoughts? (And, by the way, does anyone have
> any
> advice on learning how to do club-style dancing? I'd really like to
>
> be able to use dancing as a way to socialize, but simply watching
> other people and asking for tips doesn't seem to be working.)

Steven, I have suffered similar symptoms. My self-esteem,
confidence and concept sustained major enemy fire during my youth. I
found a good psychologist while aggressively, and painfully, focusing
on self-help. It helps to ID the source of your negative attitude
and self-talk. I was merciless on myself. Over the years, I've
become the opposite. I assiduously give little mercy to my
negativity. Hope this helps.

=====
Be Well and Live Well,

"One who walks in another's tracks
leaves no footprints." Proverb

William Wright
WmHWright@... - 612.871.4616

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