exactly. There is no reason. Which is the dilemma. If there was something wrong with me I could fix it, but since there isn't there seems no solution, or if there is a solution it involves sacrificing everything I value about myself and becoming something that I hate in order to please people. Which contradicts the whole be yourself and people will like you concept. I resent it. I like who I am. I love who I am. I can be arrogant and annoying and difficult, but most of that is caused by the resentment and rejection. I have no friends, and my last girlfriend was a three year relationship that resulted in my being emotionally destroyed by her psychotic family, a son I never see and had to leave under their evil influence, and making me lose complete faith in the world in general. I don't think of myself as a nerd or outcast, I'm hardly a virgin, I'm cute enough to fall under the beautiful people category with only minor effort, and I'm still treated like some kind of loser geek. It pisses me off, disgusts me, and might alienate me into being a violent criminal if I had those tendencies. As it is it's brought me to the point where I'll be homeless in two days, the very idea of working for a living makes me exhausted and sick, and the only part of dropping dead that bothers me is the discomfort on the way. I'm not just depressed, if that's what it is. I'm self-righteously indignant. People with personalities far worse than I even could be have friends, girlfriends, wives. I'm venting, I suppose. I originally wrote this forum out of desperation, a long shot hope I might find some insight or direction, but whatever answers I need apparently aren't here. That's not the fault of anyone here, and I don't mean to judge or criticize, but most people here seem to suffer from their own doing or lack of doing. They aren't facing something where the external world is rejecting them, but feel themselves incapable of doing. But doing is just doing. I'm a writer, and a lot of it involves a lot of philosophy or soul searching. One of my little sayings is this. Courage is just tricking yourself into running into danger instead running from it. I envy you, to be honest. If you want to do something do it. Don't expect perfection. There's no such thing, and if you found it you'd have no goal to strive for. Just do it, not to sound trite or anything. And, not to offend this forum, but if being who you are isn't good enough for who you find them fuck them. Hopefully you won't get to the point I'm at, where that's a universal curse and you don't even bother anymore

Sam Rau <sam.rau@...> wrote:

I'm kind of curious about this message.  It sounds as if you're experience has been that people are unwilling to accept you dispite all your efforts, yet you still put forth the effort to write in to the list.  I'm just wondering if you feel that we will not be willing to accept you; as far as I can tell, there's nothing "unacceptable" about your message, and I see no reason (both for myself and for anyone else) to not accept what you have to offer.  I often feel that people don't accept what I have to say and, rather than ask people about it or try to figure out what's not working in my life, I go silent and withdraw away from people (something which doesn't do me or anyone else much good).  I really appreciate your honesty, because it makes me feel that I can do the same and that, if I and everyone can accept you, then perhaps people just might accept me as well.  :-)  Kep up the good work, and don't stop progressing (which, in my humble oppinion, you are).

 

PS: Sorry for the spelling mistakes and such; I hope you all can accept this for what it is. :-)

----- Original Message -----

From: Allan Witham

To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Saturday, July 01, 2006 10:29 PM

Subject: Re: [SocialFitnessForum] Any progress?

unfortunately the problem I'm confronting isn't shyness, or my unwillingness or inability to face people, but their insistent determination not to accept me in spite of any and all effort. Since I see no way that the world will change or can be changed it doesn't seem that progress is really a possibility. So to answer your question, no.

tryingtomakesenseofitall <cashsilver@...> wrote:

I was just wondering if anyone was making any progress!! I hope so!!

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