Hi Will,

IMO, you should not settle for a non-social life.
There are many things you have yet to learn or try.
Check out Debra Fine and Susan Roane. Both have books
and tapes on how to make small talk. Debra Fine has
some new material, but I just bought one of her
earlier tapes called The Fine Art of Small Talk. I
find it very entertaining and chalk full of good
ideas. I listen to it while driving to work and it
motivates me to be more social and educates me on how
to go about it. To paraphrase John Lennon, there's no
problems, only solutions.

Stuart


--- Will <moonrulez@...> wrote:

> Hey! I feel the same way. I don't mind speaking to
> groups of people.
> I used to read the epistle at church and that was
> alright. I just
> can't make small talk or hold a conversation. I've
> been in college
> for 2 years and havent made one friend. Currently i
> have no friends.
> never had a girlfriend.
>
> THat's currently what i am struggling with right
> now. I want a gf,
> but dont know how to go about doing so. I was in
> Target today to look
> for a birthday present for a family member, and i
> seen a few girls i
> liked. But, what's it going to look like with some
> stranger walking
> up and saying hi? I feel really awkward going up to
> a girl because
> the only reason is because i want to be with her so
> to speak. it
> feels selfish.
>
> this thinking is severly affecting my schoolwork.
> knowing I'll be
> alone all my life, why strive for a good job? It's
> not like I'll have
> anyone to take of other than myself. And I myself
> am content with
> living a frugal life. So why work my ass off?
> THere is also counter
> thinking that kicks in too. I can still live
> frugally, but its good
> to have more money for health issues... or heck,
> even donation.
>
> I dont really feel lonely but i force myself to feel
> that way. It's
> just something i believe in. My purpose, my
> aspiration is being
> social. Yet I can't acccomnplish this. And it
> hurts.
>
> sorry, just had to let that out. I wish i can offer
> any advice to
> help you but we are sorta in a similar boat. Good
> luck with
> everything!
> On 4/6/06, binace1 <binace1@...> wrote:
> > Hello.
> >
> > This is my first time as a member of a group
> like this. I've
> > looked at some of the other posts and saw that
> other people have
> > some of the same problems that I do. My
> situation seems a bit
> > different, though. I'm a thirty-year-old PhD
> scientist with a
> > wonderful job and a fantastic salary. I
> routinely give talks to
> > large audiences (> 100 people) without any
> difficulty whatsoever.
> > In fact, I even enjoy this type of activity. On
> the other hand, if
> > someone button-holes me in the hallway for a few
> minutes of idle
> > chit-chat, my heart starts racing, beads of sweat
> pop out on my
> > forehead, and I have no idea what to say. I find
> it almost
> > impossible to maintain eye contact for longer
> than a few seconds and
> > these conversations often end in awkward
> silences. Afterwards, I
> > replay the scene continuously in my mind, trying
> to think of how I
> > could have responded at different junctures in
> the conversation. I
> > imagine my co-workers find me to be an aloof
> prick, but that's
> > probably not accurate at all. What the hell is
> my problem?
> > I don't have any friends, but that doesn't
> really bother me.
> > I'm most comfortable and happy when I'm by
> myself. I wouldn't in
> > any way characterize myself as lonely.
> Unfortunately, the world we
> > occupy demands some socialization and I seem to
> be incapable of any
> > normal casual interpersonal interaction. It's
> been liberating just
> > to write this and I'm wondering if anyone else is
> in a similar
> > situation to mine.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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