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Well similar in the sense that, like you, I'm very successful intellectually and I enjoy and am good at public speaking and lectures. I've always thought this was because, if I had that position there on the stage, or at the head of the class, then people must agree I have a right to be there and want to hear what I have to say, so I relax.
However, I'm also pretty relaxed at individual conversation, perhaps a bit nervous with strangers. What is really hard for me are groups of people,large or small, where I'm supposed to mix as an equal. I very easily start to perceive scorn and dislike (which is not there until sometimes my reticence provokes it) from other people. I end up alone most of the time, because I avoid such groups and that of course is how you meet people.
Like you, I enjoy my own company. However, when I do have some real companionship, it makes me very happy, and that tells me that I am really lonely. I suspect this may be true for you also. And you might want to look back at your childhood and ask yourself where this anxiety about one-on-one conversations comes from. Who don't you want to maintain eye contact with?
I know where all mine comes from, from my childhood. And I know the way around it is to become involved with groups that interest me where I have a function. The times in my life when I've had a social life, that's what did it.
Foxx
-----Original Message-----
From: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com [mailto:SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of binace1
Sent: Thursday, April 06, 2006 9:46 PM
To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] Hello.
From: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com [mailto:SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of binace1
Sent: Thursday, April 06, 2006 9:46 PM
To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] Hello.
Hello.
This is my first time as a member of a group like this. I've
looked at some of the other posts and saw that other people have
some of the same problems that I do. My situation seems a bit
different, though. I'm a thirty-year-old PhD scientist with a
wonderful job and a fantastic salary. I routinely give talks to
large audiences (> 100 people) without any difficulty whatsoever.
In fact, I even enjoy this type of activity. On the other hand, if
someone button-holes me in the hallway for a few minutes of idle
chit-chat, my heart starts racing, beads of sweat pop out on my
forehead, and I have no idea what to say. I find it almost
impossible to maintain eye contact for longer than a few seconds and
these conversations often end in awkward silences. Afterwards, I
replay the scene continuously in my mind, trying to think of how I
could have responded at different junctures in the conversation. I
imagine my co-workers find me to be an aloof prick, but that's
probably not accurate at all. What the hell is my problem?
I don't have any friends, but that doesn't really bother me.
I'm most comfortable and happy when I'm by myself. I wouldn't in
any way characterize myself as lonely. Unfortunately, the world we
occupy demands some socialization and I seem to be incapable of any
normal casual interpersonal interaction. It's been liberating just
to write this and I'm wondering if anyone else is in a similar
situation to mine.
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