Hi y'all,

My god, I feel like all you guys are my brothers and sisters, I can
totally relate to all of you. The strange part is, I was completely
outgoing untill grade 8 and then I completely closed up inside, never
said a word to anybody, was always the silent kid. I would always
freeze up in social gatherings but for some reason I didn't mind
public speaking in front of the class, possibly because I commanded
their attention instead of me looking for their attention, which might
of made me more calm from less pressure. The other odd part is that I
can completely be outgoing when im smoking pot. It's like that part of
my brain that is self-concious gets turned off and I don't worry
anymore. I turn from the quite kid into the life of the party. By the
way, Im from Canada, so smoking pot isn't illegal here. It's very
therapeutic for overcoming social anxiety if you ask me. Another thing
I recommend is martial arts to anybody. This strengthens your
confidence and self-esteem, plus, it forces you to interact with
others. Any group activity does, but martial arts is a nice blend of
independant and group activity, kind of a nice transition to other
things(?).

I have a question to you all: What was everyones parents like??? For
example, were any of them plagued with social anxiety as well, or were
they very social? If it's too personal, you don't have to answer. Im
just curious.

Nice talking to you all.

Jeremy




















--- In SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com, "Glen" <pringle31@...> wrote:
>
> Thanks for you reply, yeah i do feel more comfortable if i have a level
> of control on the conversation i have with people i find it very easy to
> talk to people i work with about work matters because i guess i don't
> feel anxious around them. Put me in another situation where some of the
> variables changed and there are new people i tend to freeze up and go
> blank it can be frustrating. Social conversation can be a little hard at
> times it depends how comfortable i feel sometimes i do draw a blank if
> im not comfortable with the topic even if i have something to say i
> worry that im going to say something that will make people not like me.
> The reality is its really the opposite even if what you have to say is
> mundane or a little bit wrong i think people appreciate that you just
> connecting with them. Connections with other people always start at a
> shallow level talking about the weather, sport etc. And then friendships
> grow from there well that what I've been told and read about haven't had
> to much luck with it yet but i think persistence is the key. A church
> group sounds like a good idea its hard to find social groups that are
> open so this is something i may look into.
>
> Cheers
> Glen
>
>
>
> On Sun, 09 Apr 2006 19:48:18 -0000, "binace1" <binace1@...> said:
> >
> > Howdy, all.
> >      Thanks for sharing your opinions and experiences.  Although I
> > wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is a bit comforting to know that I'm
> > not the only social misfit out there.  I suppose misery loves
> > company, even if I don't.
> >      Glen, your description hit the nail right on the head.  I think
> > that talking about technical issues is easier for us because we can
> > usually anticipate the direction of the conversation.  On the other
> > hand, casual conversations usually veer towards subjects that are
> > completely foreign to us.  For example, if I'm in a group discussing
> > baseball or Stanley Kubrick movies, I can usually pull my own
> > weight.  If the conversation moves to children or travel, I'm at a
> > loss.  Do you have similar problems?  When subjects with which I'm
> > not familiar arise, I feel as though I can't even formulate an
> > intelligent question.
> >      I've always considered myself a religious person, but never
> > felt the need to regularly attend church.  Why I felt this way is an
> > entirely different can of worms, but I've recently joined a church.
> > I don't expect that I will derive much spiritual benefit from this
> > experience, but I'm hoping that the chance to interact with people
> > who do not share my profession will help me to be more successful in
> > social situations.  I've been forcing myself to attend church
> > functions like card parties and such.  Even though I'm always panic-
> > stricken when I first walk in the door, it seems to be slowly
> > improving.  Church groups may one way to meet new people and improve
> > your social skills.
> >      I've also been doing volunteer work at a nursing home.  The
> > residents there are so happy to have anyone talk to them that a five-
> > minute conversation can be the highlight of their week.  You
> > mentioned that you've had some dating disasters.  Although I'm sure
> > (or at least I think) that you're not looking for a ninety-year-old
> > girlfriend, maybe socializing with people from whom you don't want
> > anything (a romantic realtionship, sex) in return might be a good
> > way to practice socialization.  At the very least, you can help make
> > some lonely senior citizens happy.
> >       Allan, your posting was also very insightful.  I doubt that
> > any person is significantly smarter than any other.  We probably
> > just have different aptitudes.  I'm a perfect example of this
> > concept.  I'm very capable when it comes to certain areas, like math
> > and science.  On the other hand, I have no musical or artistic
> > ability at all, and of course, my social skills are dreadful.  Would
> > you descirbe yourself similarly, with very prominent strengths and
> > weaknesses, or are your abilities more evenly distributed?
> >      You mentioned that you are alone and "hate it with a passion".
> > Why do you feel this way?   Why do you think that having friends or
> > a romantic interest would make your life better?  I want to be able
> > to chit-chat at work so that I can perform more effectively.  That
> > is, if someone needs my particular expertise, they won't be hesitant
> > to ask because I'm the "quiet guy who never talks to anyone".  On
> > the other hand, I may need someone else's help and I don't want that
> > person to be unwilling to offer it because they believe me to be
> > unfriendly.    I take it that you are looking for more from your
> > social interactions.  This is the big question, then, at least from
> > my perspective and possibly yours, too.  What benefits can you gain
> > from a circle of friends?  I'm not convinced that extensive social
> > interaction for its own sake is a basic human need.  I think that
> > because extroverts are necessarily the most visible members of
> > society, we all feel pressure to be as extroverted as possible
> > because that's what we perceive as normal.
> >       Finally, I think you're dead-on about talking down to
> > people.  My field is one that is so esoteric that it is difficult to
> > even describe what I do.  So, I'm straddling the line between
> > spouting technical jargon and talking down to people.  It certainly
> > is a struggle.  I don't really believe that most people are
> > superficial or back-stabbers, at least no more than am I.  We're all
> > just human and everyone is ultimately only concerned with his own
> > well-being.
> >         Anyway, what you've written has really sparked my interest
> > and I'm wondering if I'm missing something terrific by not being
> > interested in having a circle of friends.  Maybe I don't want to
> > know the answer to that question.  Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.
> > Thanks again for sharing and best of luck to you!
> >   ____________________________________________________________
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> --
>   Glen
>   pringle31@...
>
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