primarily i feel that way because something like 90 to 95 percent of the things I like to do and make me happy require at least one other person. Setting aside the obvious, in terms of romantic (or what have you) I like having people to talk to, share opinions with, play games with, debate with, explore, share company, be creative, and the list goes on. I want and need quality time to myself, but even that would usually lead to something like an inspiration or just something stupid I thought of that I'd much rather share with someone else. In general I've always been happier with friends, and people in my life (my ex and her family are - or were - often an exception) Aside from sheer loneliness, and the logistical limitations of doing many things by myself, it's just a preference. Socializing, having friends, loving, for me improves the quality of my life. It doesn't improve me, but assuming they're the right people they can encourage, inspire, and appreciate me. Call it codependent, call it whatever you want. I feel I've been cursed with the need for people I can never have or find. If it's a disease I don't want to be cured, and I have little interest in being a hermit or living in isolation. It might also have something to do with my only real passions in life being things like writing, movies, and creative and artistic things that, to me, are much better when you have someone to share them with. Anyway, I'm rambling again but you asked. Good luck and take care.

binace1 <binace1@...> wrote:

Howdy, all.

     Thanks for sharing your opinions and experiences.  Although I
wouldn't wish it on anyone, it is a bit comforting to know that I'm
not the only social misfit out there.  I suppose misery loves
company, even if I don't.
     Glen, your description hit the nail right on the head.  I think
that talking about technical issues is easier for us because we can
usually anticipate the direction of the conversation.  On the other
hand, casual conversations usually veer towards subjects that are
completely foreign to us.  For example, if I'm in a group discussing
baseball or Stanley Kubrick movies, I can usually pull my own
weight.  If the conversation moves to children or travel, I'm at a
loss.  Do you have similar problems?  When subjects with which I'm
not familiar arise, I feel as though I can't even formulate an
intelligent question.
     I've always considered myself a religious person, but never
felt the need to regularly attend church.  Why I felt this way is an
entirely different can of worms, but I've recently joined a church. 
I don't expect that I will derive much spiritual benefit from this
experience, but I'm hoping that the chance to interact with people
who do not share my profession will help me to be more successful in
social situations.  I've been forcing myself to attend church
functions like card parties and such.  Even though I'm always panic-
stricken when I first walk in the door, it seems to be slowly
improving.  Church groups may one way to meet new people and improve
your social skills.
     I've also been doing volunteer work at a nursing home.  The
residents there are so happy to have anyone talk to them that a five-
minute conversation can be the highlight of their week.  You
mentioned that you've had some dating disasters.  Although I'm sure
(or at least I think) that you're not looking for a ninety-year-old
girlfriend, maybe socializing with people from whom you don't want
anything (a romantic realtionship, sex) in return might be a good
way to practice socialization.  At the very least, you can help make
some lonely senior citizens happy.
      Allan, your posting was also very insightful.  I doubt that
any person is significantly smarter than any other.  We probably
just have different aptitudes.  I'm a perfect example of this
concept.  I'm very capable when it comes to certain areas, like math
and science.  On the other hand, I have no musical or artistic
ability at all, and of course, my social skills are dreadful.  Would
you descirbe yourself similarly, with very prominent strengths and
weaknesses, or are your abilities more evenly distributed?
     You mentioned that you are alone and "hate it with a passion". 
Why do you feel this way?   Why do you think that having friends or
a romantic interest would make your life better?  I want to be able
to chit-chat at work so that I can perform more effectively.  That
is, if someone needs my particular expertise, they won't be hesitant
to ask because I'm the "quiet guy who never talks to anyone".  On
the other hand, I may need someone else's help and I don't want that
person to be unwilling to offer it because they believe me to be
unfriendly.    I take it that you are looking for more from your
social interactions.  This is the big question, then, at least from
my perspective and possibly yours, too.  What benefits can you gain
from a circle of friends?  I'm not convinced that extensive social
interaction for its own sake is a basic human need.  I think that
because extroverts are necessarily the most visible members of
society, we all feel pressure to be as extroverted as possible
because that's what we perceive as normal.
      Finally, I think you're dead-on about talking down to
people.  My field is one that is so esoteric that it is difficult to
even describe what I do.  So, I'm straddling the line between
spouting technical jargon and talking down to people.  It certainly
is a struggle.  I don't really believe that most people are
superficial or back-stabbers, at least no more than am I.  We're all
just human and everyone is ultimately only concerned with his own
well-being. 
        Anyway, what you've written has really sparked my interest
and I'm wondering if I'm missing something terrific by not being
interested in having a circle of friends.  Maybe I don't want to
know the answer to that question.  Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.

Thanks again for sharing and best of luck to you!

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