Hey --

 

I wanted to share some tips I've learned through cognitive therapy for social anxiety that are relevant to a few recent posts here.

 

One thing I've noticed in a some of these posts that I disagree w/is that we're not in control of our feelings.  There was a time in my life when I believed this, too, but the fact is that our feelings occur as a result of our thoughts, which we most definitely have control over.

 

Feelings may seem uncontrollable because they are so powerful & deeply rooted in emotion & seemingly automatic.  But if you make a conscious effort to steer your thoughts to positive & rational beliefs, your feelings will soon follow, counter-intuitive though it may seem.

 

Along the same lines, another counter-intuitive fact is that actions precede feelings & not the opposite.  In other words, if you wait until you feel like doing something (being more active, more outgoing, taking charge of some part of your life you're wanting to change), you will be waiting forever as it probably won't happen.  If you simply set about to take action & do something, your feelings will follow. 

 

If you give yourself credit for what you do (i.e. choose to interpret the results positively), you will feel good & better about yourself.  You have to be good to yourself, however & give yourself that pat on the back.  Realize you are successful simply for taking action to attempt to do whatever it is you set out to do (whether you were "successful" at the attempt itself or not). 

 

While it may cause you anxiety to do certain things, if it's a relatively small amount, you can talk back to or stand up to your automatic negative beliefs & do it anyway & gradually your anxiety will lessen & you can begin to see some positive changes in yourself that will be surprising yet very welcome -- I can attest to this from personal experience.

 

Anyway, that's my two cents for whatever it's worth.  Hope it makes sense & helps, more importantly.