I am glad that you came to this group for some advice; I think that, in
general, this is a positive step in overcoming shyness. Whenever I make a
decision to set a goal to change something in my life, I find it helpful to
first clearly identify what it is exactly that I want to change. I may want
to start being more productive, for example, and at first this might seem
like it should be quite an easy goal to accomplish; on the contrary, at the
end of the week when I still feel as if I haven't "become productive" I
start to wonder where I went wrong? However, when I really start to look
back at my week and realize all of the little things that I could have done
better, I realize that my not being productive was actually a combination of
things which, by them selves, are quite easy to accomplish but together seem
like quite a task (which, unless broken down, often is nearly impossible to
accomplish). I think that if we break most other things in our lives down
into smaller pieces which are easier to figure out we can then more easily
decide how each one of these pieces, once "figured out", fits into the whole
picture. When talking about shyness, I think we're actually talking about a
combination of feelings, thoughts, and actions which form together to make
this thing we call shyness; maybe sit down and try to write down what
shyness means to you (this may sound kind of like pop psychology, but bear
with me)? For example, when you are in a situation which you notice
yourself acting shy in, what feeling are you having? You say that "I am not
so out going as I used to be (what do you think changed within yourself to
cause this change in outgoingness), but can still hold my own in a
conversation except with him." What is different about the situation with
him than situations with, say, people on this forum, that causes you to act
shy (notice I don't say feel because, while we aren't in control of our
feelings, I do believe that we are in at least some control of shyness etc)?
And, just as a side note, when you say "I hate myself for what I am doing
and don't usually struggle talking to people" what do you feel that you are
doing; it sounds as if maybe you feel like you're doing this on purpose, or
if only you were (fill in the blank) enough that you could figure it out.
I'm just curious because if so you're not alone in that; as I've felt this
way before and have also felt that I am the only one who feels this way, I
can totally understand what you're going through. I just hope that this
post has helped, and that I (or hopefully we?) can continue to help each
other through any struggles which we may have. Thanks again for writing in
to all of us, and thanks for listening.
----- Original Message -----
From: "sharonfnd" <s.found@...>
To: <SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, March 26, 2006 8:03 AM
Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] New member


> Hi
>
> I have just joined this forum with a hope that someone can give me some
> tips to overcome my shyness. I split with the love of my life two
> years ago and have only just found someone who i might be interested
> in. But the trouble is when i see him at work i just clam up. I hate
> myself for what i am doing and dont usually struggle talking to
> people. I am not so out going as i used to be, but can still hold my
> own in a conversation except with him. What can i do to sort this
> out??? please help.
>
> Thanks
>
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> Yahoo! Groups Links
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