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Hi everyone, I'm new to this group and am also glad to have found it, as well as the Shyness Clinic web site and materials.
Infp, I wonder if you could tell more about your discomfort. Is it about wanting to talk and not knowing what to say, about preferring to be left to do your work without being judged negatively, or something else? Depending on how you define it, the approach that works for you might be different.
For me, it's helping a lot to understand better how small talk is a way that people warm up to each other and create an opening. That helps me to focus less on how I look and sound, which is relieving a lot of anxiety. It doesn't really matter what you say as long as you signal that you're approachable. The commonality of the work setting may give you ideas to start a conversation; but if you can't think of words you can just say hello, smile, and listen attentively (e.g. the office party where it's hard to join a group). It's also a good way to observe, listen, and learn about the people you work with!
Also, if you have an "off" or awkward day, tomorrow is another day.
If you're new on a job, it's also important to remember that it takes time for a group to get used to and let in a new member. That is not a reflection on you and will be temporary, as long as you are patient with it and don't react by withdrawing defensively.
I no longer work in the traditional office setting, but when I did I felt I had to clarify for myself what times and situations I felt comfortable talking in, and when I needed to retire and do my work. As long as I had some balance I felt it was OK not to always want to make chitchat with coworkers. It also depends on the norms and personalities of the place you work in, and feeling your way in it until you find your own comfort level.
Infp, does your handle have anything to do with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? If so, they may have tips about styles and preferences that would help you to find your comfort level in a group.
Annette
----- Original Message -----From: infp1234Sent: Thursday, February 28, 2002 2:01 PMSubject: [SocialFitnessForum] Trouble "chatting" with coworkers.Hi everyone, this is my first time posting here. I am really glad to
have found this forum.
Here is what I'm dealing with: I'm reasonably comfortable and
successful at job interviews. My problem lies in the conversation
to be made with coworkers during the work day. Many days it
wears me out trying to chat with others. I have such a problem
worrying if other people think that I am "too quiet" that I
sometimes find it hard to concentrate on my job.
Does anyone have advice? It would be much appreciated.
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