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I always heard it's how 'bout them yankees' : ). Well anyway, I am in the same boat. I don't know, it's weird. I want to be social, but it seems pointless to me. Whenever the opportunity arises that I get to be around people, i dont say anything. I went to visit my friend(my only friend) at boston University. I barely said anything while I was there. The only time i'd talk is if someone asked a question. But with me being shy, nerves set in and it gets hard to concentrate on what I am trying to respond. The reason I don't really say anything is because I have no idea what to talk about, how to make small talk... stuff like that. Never had a girlfriend either, or friends that are girls. For mostly the same reason. It makes me feel awkward just to talk to a girl just for trying to get a date. It seems rude to me.
That's basically my shmiz.. That book mentioned looks excellent. I once tried to read a book by Dale carnige, but it was basically a public speaking book, not personal though, mostly business talk...
Hey Ray,
Wow, I feel exactly the same way about everything you said. That's totally how I am, it's so annoying how people think that it's awkward when there's silence. I went on this date once and the guy kept saying "how bout them dodgers" when there was a silent moment, and I was like "what?" and he said that's how he fills pauses in conversation. I was like ok we don't have to be talking every single moment in time and I swear, if I hear someone say how bout them dodgers one more time I might just go completely mad. Anyway, I totally have the same problem with not knowing what to say, I don't get how people can just talk about random stuff. Well, I don't really have any advice for you, I just thought I'd let you know you're not alone, I was excited to see that I wasn't. I think I'll try the books Annette suggested. Well good luck!
Emma
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---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: avetice <avetice@...>
To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wed, 20 Jul 2005 14:17:16 +0000
Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] not really afraid of social environments...
Hey, names Ray. I'm starting to get annoyed with my lack of
conversational skills. I've been called shy, quiet, all that fun
stuff. However I'm not really afraid of social gatherings or any of
that. I love hanging out with my friends and family. The thing is I
just dont talk much. If I knew what to talk to people about I wouldnt
appear to be so shy I think. It's when everyone wants to get together
to just sit around a campfire or something and talk, thats when I stop
enjoying myself because everyone is talking, and I can never think of
anything to talk about. There is always at least one person, during
these kind of gatherings that will say "whats a matter Ray, is
something wrong? your so quiet?". The only thing that really gets me
through these sort of things is that I just start observing everything
and taking mental visual notes, because I am an illustrator. Never
took a date to a resteraunt before because I dont want to bore them to
death with my lack of conversation. I don't even find silence awkward,
i don't understand why people feel so awkward when a silent moment
comes around.
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