--- Annette _ <laprofessore@...> wrote:

> Ray,
>
> There is a book called Shyness: A Bold New
> Approach" by Bernardo Carducci (in paperback, see
> Amazon) that addresses your question and gives many
> good suggestions on how to get engaged in
> conversation when you're not sure what to say or how
> to start. There are also books on conversational
> skills; Larry King wrote one with a title something
> similar to, "How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime,
> Anywhere about Practically Anything." They are easy
> to find on Amazon.
>
> I found Carducci's book particularly helpful. He
> gives suggestions on how to focus your attention on
> other people and draw them out that are presented in
> a way that quiet people can use comfortably. He
> also explains how shy people just need more time to
> warm up than non-shy people do, and how they can
> understand and cope with that. And that there's
> nothing wrong with being a more quiet person. Not
> everybody needs to be a live wire; you can imagine
> what a social group would be like in which everyone
> is trying to compete to be the center of attention!
>
> I agree that there is something about quietness that
> makes extroverted people uncomfortable. They can't
> seem to accept that some people are quiet but are
> observing and just taking their time to be
> comfortable; instead, they seem to assume we are
> judging them. And the most unhelpful thing they can
> do is ask you why are you so quiet. It is really
> more about their own discomfort than about you.
>
> Good luck,
> Annette
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: avetice
> To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Wednesday, July 20, 2005 10:17 AM
> Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] not really afraid of
> social environments...
>
>
> Hey, names Ray. I'm starting to get annoyed with
> my lack of
> conversational skills. I've been called shy,
> quiet, all that fun
> stuff. However I'm not really afraid of social
> gatherings or any of
> that. I love hanging out with my friends and
> family. The thing is I
> just dont talk much. If I knew what to talk to
> people about I wouldnt
> appear to be so shy I think. It's when everyone
> wants to get together
> to just sit around a campfire or something and
> talk, thats when I stop
> enjoying myself because everyone is talking, and I
> can never think of
> anything to talk about. There is always at least
> one person, during
> these kind of gatherings that will say "whats a
> matter Ray, is
> something wrong? your so quiet?". The only thing
> that really gets me
> through these sort of things is that I just start
> observing everything
> and taking mental visual notes, because I am an
> illustrator. Never
> took a date to a resteraunt before because I dont
> want to bore them to
> death with my lack of conversation. I don't even
> find silence awkward,
> i don't understand why people feel so awkward when
> a silent moment
> comes around.
>
>
>
>
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