Maybe you answered your own question. You might need to force
yourself. Obviously, you have the ability to be confident in social
situations with family & friends. Since you already know these
people, that's probably why you feel more confident since you are
comfortable with one another & not afraid they will judge or reject
you.

It's perfectly natural to be nervous around people you don't know &
even more so for those of us with various degrees of social anxiety.
So I can completely relate to what you're experiencing. But if you
can try not to focus on your anxiety/lack of confidence & realize
they stem from irrational thoughts, you can very likely get past it.

If you want to get to know new people, it does require that you step
outside your comfort zone to some degree & be willing to take a
little risk (no pain, no gain). You will have to actually force
yourself to be a bit more outgoing/extroverted than you may normally
be around people you don't know.

Express interest in other people & ask questions about them, what
they think about something, etc. & try to make them feel
comfortable. But at the same time you should be willing to share a
little about yourself, ofer an opinion, etc. Basically, when getting
to know new people, small talk is usually the 1st step before moving
on to anything more meaningful.

The good news is -- and I can say this from my own experience -- as
you continue to push yourself to be more proactive about interacting
with new people/socializing, etc., it will become a lot easier & less
intimidating. You will continue to build confidence the more you
practice & are successful at it & after a while it will become 2nd
nature & something you can enjoy rather than dread. You can chip
away at your anxiety pretty quickly by simply not letting it get
the best of you & pushing yourself to move forward.

If you try & are not successful, you must still give yourself credit
for trying & remember not to get down on yourself since that will
only hinder you. You need to be good to yourself at all costs & like
yourself because if you don't, that will come across to others & no
one else will like you if you don't like yourself.

You might also want to check out socialanxietyinstitute.org, which is
where a lot of these ideas have come from (I can't take credit for
them myself, but I can tell you they work if you want them to).

Good luck & best wishes

--- In SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com, "tvccdave" <tvccdave@y...>
wrote:
>
> A problem that I often find myself having is that I am confident
> around family and friends, but not around people I want to get to
> know. The main thing, though is that if I have to, I can do what it
> takes to get to know someone, but if I'm not forced, I lack the
> motivation and confidence neccesary. Any advice?