----- Original Message -----

From: Stuart Goldman

To: SocialFitnessForum@yahoogroups.com

Sent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 9:45 PM

Subject: Re: [SocialFitnessForum] Shyness at times, not enough at others?

Excellent advice, Annette.  Right on the money and
well said.

Stuart


--- Annette _ <laprofessore@...> wrote:

> Here are some tips from Carducci's books to get you
> started.
>
> 1.  Say "Hi, my name is ---."
> 2.  Do one of the following:
>     a.  Ask a question
>     b.  Pay a compliment (e.g. on something the
> person is wearing)
>     c.  Offer to help (e.g., "Can I get you
> something from the buffet table?")
>
> You can start with a comment about the situation
> you're in together, which is better than the
> weather.  Then you can ask a question to get to know
> something about the person, why they're at the
> event, whether they're enjoying it, etc.  These are
> non-intrusive and easy to answer.  Open-ended
> questions are better for conversation than yes/no
> questions.  Ask followup questions, offer
> nonpersonal tidbits about yourself related to the
> common situation that help the person get to know
> you.  Try to focus on what you'd like to know about
> the other person rather than on yourself and you
> will get more ideas.  Remember to smile.
>
> Don't worry about being awkward at first.  It's OK
> to have to practice and learn.  Most people are so
> preoccupied with their own awkwardness that they
> don't much notice yours anyway.
>
> There's more in the books, but this is the basic
> direction.  Gradually you will warm up and the
> conversation will get easier.
>
> Hope this helps.  I've been practicing for a few
> years now and while the pre-conversation anxiety
> never fully goes away, it does get easier and I've
> had some nice conversations.  It's not a magic
> bullet, it's a skill you develop gradually.
>
> Annette