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Here are some tips from Carducci's books to get you started.
1. Say "Hi, my name is ---."
2. Do one of the following:
a. Ask a question
b. Pay a compliment (e.g. on something the person is wearing)
c. Offer to help (e.g., "Can I get you something from the buffet table?")
You can start with a comment about the situation you're in together, which is better than the weather. Then you can ask a question to get to know something about the person, why they're at the event, whether they're enjoying it, etc. These are non-intrusive and easy to answer. Open-ended questions are better for conversation than yes/no questions. Ask followup questions, offer nonpersonal tidbits about yourself related to the common situation that help the person get to know you. Try to focus on what you'd like to know about the other person rather than on yourself and you will get more ideas. Remember to smile.
Don't worry about being awkward at first. It's OK to have to practice and learn. Most people are so preoccupied with their own awkwardness that they don't much notice yours anyway.
There's more in the books, but this is the basic direction. Gradually you will warm up and the conversation will get easier.
Hope this helps. I've been practicing for a few years now and while the pre-conversation anxiety never fully goes away, it does get easier and I've had some nice conversations. It's not a magic bullet, it's a skill you develop gradually.
Annette
----- Original Message -----From: Stuart GoldmanSent: Tuesday, December 14, 2004 8:48 PMSubject: Re: [SocialFitnessForum] Shyness at times, not enough at others?
--- Tony Roy <ttony_at@...> wrote:
> Can anyone else offer some advice in how to begin a
> conversation?
Good question, Tony. I don't think there's a magic
bullet, but try using common sense and taking a risk.
Common sense: You are near a person at a social
gathering for a reason. Something has drawn you both
to this spot. Whatever the reason, there's a
conversation starter in there somewhere. Then there's
the weather - outside or inside. There must be
something weather-like going on around you that you
can talk about for at least one sentence. After that
one sentence, fight like heck to come up with another,
then another. If all else fails, introduce yourself
to somebody. Pretend you are outgoing even if you
feel like a total clod. Fake it until you make it.
Risk: Yes, go out on a limb and don't be afraid to
fall off. Jump into the cold, shark-infested waters
and try to swim. If you can get a little momentum
going, you might make it. At the end of the day (or
night), you'll feel better about yourself for having
tried than if you stood around wondering what to do
the whole time.
Work on this thing - read books, listen to tapes,
practice speaking to the mirror, write ideas in your
journal - and deep within you, your subconscious will
respond and help you along when the going gets tough.
Good luck!
Stuart
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