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Yes, they go together. As a shy person, I tend to be very perfectionistic and hard on myself if I do anything wrong. Because of this, I would second-guess myself all the time and not take any risks.
I think the only way out is to learn to accept that one will make mistakes and that it is part of the process, but that one will survive them, learn and improve. Also, Carducci's suggestions in his book "Shyness: A Bold New Approach" on learning to be less self-preoccupied and to pay more attention to others. Often when I am preoccupied with my own fears, I ask myself how the other person might be feeling and how I can help them. That really helps to pull me out of my self-focused anxiety. Then you find that others don't focus on you as much as you think, and that actually much of what you condemn yourself for isn't even that terrible to them--because of their own self-preoccupation! And people like someone who is attentive to them.
Annette
----- Original Message -----From: Tony R.Sent: Tuesday, October 05, 2004 10:00 PMSubject: [SocialFitnessForum] fear of failure from lack of skills cause shyness?
Does an intense fear of failure - due to lack of skills - cause one
to give up and not take appropriate actions in social situations?
One thing I know for sure, if my social skills were better
I wouldn't be so afraid to begin conversations with strangers!
Why? Because if I knew how, I'd do it.
And then I wouldn't be labelled as being a shy person.
I know I can only get those skills by trying. But I'm afraid to try
and fail. How do I know if I'm shy of just afraid of failure? Or are
they both the same?
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