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Shy1,
If you want a web site, check out http://www.shynesscom/shyness-institute.html and read all their downloadable documents. They are a clinic based in California that originated the social fitness approach to conquering shyness.
If you want books, it depends on what depth you are comfortable with. In order of simplicity, some people on this list have liked Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Another I saw recently that looked very good is Larry King (the TV host) & Bill Gilbert, How to Talk to Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere: The Secrets of Good Communication. A bit more psychological is Bernardo Carducci, Shyness: A Bold New Approach, which I personally found very helpful. Carducci also has a brief guide based on his book called The Pocket Guide to Making Successful Small Talk. All are on Amazon.com.
At the risk of making a complex problem sound simple, in a nutshell what is working for me now is not to try to be a different kind of person, but to be my quiet self and take more of an interest in getting to know other people. E.g. think about what you like about your internet friends, what more you'd like to know about them, what you have in common that you can build on. Smile, be friendly; people will always respond to someone who welcomes them. They're coming to meet you because they liked you on line and want to know more, so you are already starting on a positive level. Let your enthusiasm show when you talk about the things you care about. And it's OK to be nervous and not to be perfect. By now I am learning to accept living with some anxiety in order to learn whatever I have to learn about this in order to grow.
Good luck,
Annette
----- Original Message -----From: mycheng12Sent: Tuesday, July 06, 2004 4:09 AMSubject: [SocialFitnessForum] HiHi guys,
I was surfing the net and checking out sites on shyness. And found
this forum. I am a VERY shy person who has little to no friends and
hates to do anything social. I was wondering if there are any good
sites out there that might help me.
I am really in need of advise. I have made 2 internet friends and
have plans on meeting them in a month. They know I am shy but I am
wanting to go meet them and try to be more outgoing. I don't want to
sit back and be quiet I want to be part of something and I want them
to like me. I can chat with them online cause I am not physicaly
talking to them. But I am afraid when I meet them face to face I'll
be to quiet and then things will go badly.
btw...this is a meeting of friends not a dating situation.
If that was the case I wouldn't even dream of going to meet them.
Cause dating is a whole new and even more sad story.
Thanks in advance
Shy1
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