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Bora,
I'm glad to be of help. What has helped me most about Carducci's book has been understanding the self-preoccupation and seeing how I was projecting my self-criticisms onto others. I could see that people were giving me more of a chance than I had thought. Then I could try his suggestions for making conversation with more attention on the other person rather than on myself.
I forgot to mention some experiences which I now realize really helped me. After reading Carducci's book a few years ago, I took a three-session class on "The Art of Socializing," given in a continuing education program in NYC by an actor who had learned to overcome his own shyness. We shared our experiences as shy people and did some simple role-playing, e.g. pretending to be at a party and making conversation. I learned two valuable lessons: that I was far from the only one who felt the way I did, and that I could go along with the role-playing exercises and not feel that there was just one "right" thing to say. Those two realizations showed me that the grip of shyness is mental--its power is mainly in your *belief* that it controls you--and helped relieve a lot of pressure.
After that, I took a class in improvisational acting with the same teacher. That was scary, but because I felt such empathy from the teacher I was willing to try it. It showed me I could just get up in front of others and say things and not worry if I sounded idiotic. I was just happy I could think of things to say! If you have a problem with public speaking, there are classes and groups for that as well (e.g. Toastmasters), and they can do a lot to build confidence. These groups can provide a lot of the benefits of the therapy support groups, if you are ready to take the plunge and don't need as much support and direction as the therapy groups would provide. (BTW, if you do go for therapy, cognitive-behavioral is reputed to be far more effective for shyness than anything analytical.)
Then, as I said, we just have to keep practicing so we don't slip back into old habits. For me, it is a continuing path, not a destination.
Best of luck to you. I'm sure you will make it!
Annette
----- Original Message -----
From: BoraSent: Monday, June 07, 2004 3:33 PMSubject: Re: [SocialFitnessForum] ShynessAnnette,I think that I will continue to read books about shyness and go back and re-read Carducci. In the last several days, I've indeed taken to heart what you wrote about the process being ongoing and I find that I've been opening up myself more and people respond positively. I think if I don't sort it out in my own mind, then all the therapy in world won't help me. I think your forum and other online sites has also helped by making me feel that I'm not alone in my situation. Thanks ever so much for your help and support.Love,Bora
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