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Hi tarzankev,
I am a very shy person who became a college professor. I was so terrified of speaking publicly that I rarely participated in class all through my school years, yet now I routinely teach groups of up to 80 students at a time. I will try to describe what I did to learn my skills in the hope that some of it will help you.
First, let me say that in the U.S. we have adult education programs at many universities with non-credit classes in job-finding techniques with practice for interviewing, presenting oneself, and confidence-building. There are also support groups for people who want to overcome phobias about public speaking. You will have to do some role-playing but it is a supportive environment where you ease into it very slowly and you are among others who have the same feelings. Perhaps you can find a similar class or group where you are.
To get back to my story: I first had to make a group presentation while in college. For me, being well prepared and rehearsed helped manage my anxiety. I wrote out my notes in large print, then practiced speaking into a tape recorder. I was self-conscious, but it was safe because nobody had to hear how bad I sounded. When I listened to the playback, I picked out the roughest spots and went over them many times. Hearing myself improve helped build my confidence. By the time I had to do the presentation, people told me I looked very loose, and I sounded very fluent even though I felt anything but relaxed.
I kept using that technique and eventually I didn't need the tape recorder, but could just talk to an empty room, imagining people I was talking to, and listen to myself and fix the rough spots. It also helped a lot to imagine people interested in what I had to say, and to focus on my message and what I wanted to communicate to them. If you believe in what you are saying and really want to reach people, your enthusiasm about your message will help relieve your preoccupation with yourself. It will take you beyond yourself to a larger purpose. Also, don't try to pretend to be some image, but be yourself in your own style and with what you believe in.
When I do presentations, I try to make eye contact with individuals in the audience and pay particular attention to the ones who look attentive and interested. You don't need to reach everyone, just concentrate on finding a few individuals you can connect with. I also try to think positively--rather than dwell on thoughts that people will notice how nervous or inept I am, I concentrate on the idea that I have something valuable to give them. I believe that most people will be willing to give me a chance, and those who don't were probably not going to be receptive to anyone, so it isn't personal.
When I first began teaching I was so nervous it was like an out-of-body experience. I'm sure I was stiff and didn't connect well with the students. I had to be very scripted and unspontaneous. I kept trying because I really wanted to be a good teacher, and eventually I managed to get better with lots of practice. I tried not to dwell too much on what went wrong, but to focus on what was going right and to get better at it.
For job interviews, I took one of those courses. The most valuable thing I learned was to prepare answers to common questions in advance, especially the ones like "Tell me about yourself" that make us feel like we're under a microscope. My job counselor had us write a "two-minute pitch," a brief description of what our best skills and capabilities were and what we had accomplished. I found that when you keep practicing this, you begin to believe what you are saying! It really increased my self-confidence.
I also began with information interviewing rather than high-stakes job application interviewing. In information interviewing you make an appointment with someone in a field you want to work in and ask them exactly what they do in a day, how they got to be doing it, and what advice they can offer to someone who wants to enter their field. I was terrified of calling them (I made myself make two calls a day and was tremendously relieved each day I finished my quota). To my great surprise, almost everyone I called was willing to see me and loved talking about themselves. This also gave me practice, and in one case it directly led to a teaching job, as it turned out the interviewee knew of an opening elsewhere that I hadn't heard about and was willing to recommend me for it.
Now I have been teaching for 25 years and I am still amazed that I can get up in front of a group of 80 without a script (though I still prepare) and even make jokes. (It helps to have a sense of humor about your own foibles as well, and to realize everyone is imperfect and is winging it.) It took a long time and I am still improving but if I could do it, I believe others can, too. Especially if you have good social skills in informal settings, you can find a way to build on these skills. People are still people, just more of them in the room at the same time, and you can reach them in essentially the same ways, by wanting to share with them and make a human connection.
Best of luck to you,
Annette
----- Original Message -----From: tarzankevSent: Monday, September 29, 2003 9:22 AMSubject: [SocialFitnessForum] Presentations/interviewsHey everyone,
23.M.UK
Sorry this is quite long, I have been a member reading your entries for a w=
hile now but this is my first
time posting a message and have quite a bit that I want to get out in the o=
pen. So here goes….
I was interested to read a lot of what has been said by the various people =
that have posted their
messages because I have been suffering because of my shyness too. It is co=
mforting in some ways to
know that there are a lot of other people who feel the same kind of anxiety=
as I do but everyone has
levels of shyness and therefore different problems to overcome.
I don't know if I am the same as anyone else out there but my shyness is al=
most entirely situation
specific. By which I mean most of the time I am very comfortable being wit=
h groups, meeting new
people or being the centre of attention in informal environments, it has re=
latively no effect on me.
However the problem occurs when it comes to giving any kind of formal speec=
h… by which I am
talking about presentations to a class or a job interview as main examples.=
I began university after a year travelling and knew that I wasn't confident=
in presentation situations
after a few minor ones at high school which i struggled through (it was ter=
rifying!). I was determined
that I would start a fresh, not knowing these people that I was going into =
my new classes with I was
going to pretend that I had always been confident in these situations. Tha=
t was all very well in theory
but when it came up to our first class critique I sat watching the others h=
andle it so well. I got hot and
stressed I knew I was going to mess it up…. I chickened out and fled the ro=
om.
Having found out that the course was going to involve a lot of these types =
of presentations/critiques I
changed course as soon as possible! My parents wanted to know the reason an=
d I let them in on my
secret and they were very supportive. I had to drop out of university in my=
final year because it came
too much and the councillors, therapists and hypnotists my parents had paid=
for me to see were very
unsure of what they could do to aid me and in the end couldn't do anything =
beneficial.
Since then I have been working on a construction site. I got the job becaus=
e of my sisters fiancé….
Meaning no interview!
Now I have moved away from that area with my girlfriend (who knows my situa=
tion) and I am
currently unemployed because I am dreading going through the interview proc=
ess. I had applied for
the police force and got through the entrance exam easily but then found ou=
t that the next stage was a
role-play scenario and I didn't go to it because i knew that I would not be=
able to past that test.
I have now found a career in the medical industry I am keen to pursue but I=
am worried about the
training that I may encounter and whether this will involve a presentations=
! I feel that I will never get
the job I know I can do or deserve because this childish embarrassment is h=
olding my back.
The only advice I have been given is to try and progress by gradually build=
ing up the situations level
by level to become accustomed to it. But having moved to a new area I canno=
t find the opportunities to
do this and even if the opportunity was there I cannot see myself wanting t=
o actually trying it out.
Most of my friends have no idea about this phobia/shyness because of my usu=
al confidence so have
no advice from them; therefore I am depending on you guys to give me some k=
ind knowledge of a
miracle cure!
Thanks for your time
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