You are quite welcome.
I'd suggest he develop his own list of difficult activites. You
can try to motivate him, but everybody's list is different. Here's
an example:
-------------Joe's-Fear-Hierachy------2/13/2003------
Level
of
Difficulty Activity
---------------------------------------------------
1 watch TV
10 shop for groceries
20 say "how's your day been" to grocery store clerk
30 ask clerk "do you like your job?"
40 exchange a few sentences with clerk about what it is like
working at that store
50 ask clerk if the store has any job openings
60 visit a career or employment center or advisor
70 give resume to somebody and describe my talents
80 participate in a phone interview
90 participate in a phone interview, and proactively promote
myself
100 participate in an in-person interview
---------------------------------------------------
Hope this gives you an idea. The typical thing is that stuff at
the low end, say 30 or less, can be accomplished. Once this
is done a lot, say several weeks, it is time to bump up a notch.
By this time some of the higher things may get a small amount easier
and be within reach, while other ones will be at the same level as
before. In that case, it is time to prepare a new list with things
in the new order. It helps to save the old lists so you can look back
on them, as it is easy to forget that progress has been made.
You can also expect backtracking: two steps forward and one step back.
And of course the list has to be the person's own, as everybody is
different. However, many people have trouble seeing an intermediate
step between two steps, one of which is easy and the other impossible.
In that case, it helps to ask people, like this group, for suggestions.
I believe there is always an intermediate step.
The best thing you could do for your son is to describe this sort
of method, and see if he is motivated to try it. If so, he could
join this group. If he isn't motivated to try it, I don't think it
can be forced upon somebody externally. I'd suggest therapy, or
perhaps drugs like Paxil (if he likes that approach). Drugs will
probably make a big difference, but in my view are best used as
an aid to get the whole desensitization process going (as that is the
real goal).
If he doesn't like the idea of a list of interview-related activities,
perhaps he is motivated to work on something else, like getting dates.
All these things seem to be related, so progress in one area can lead
to some amount of progress in another.
The Social Fitness Center in Palo Alto, CA, likes to compare the
desensitization process to a gym workout. You wouldn't
expect to go in and bench press 100 pounds. But it does work to press
15 pounds for a few weeks, then 18, etc. .
--Bob
--- "jonmic1 <
jonmic1@...>" <
jonmic1@...> wrote:
<HR>
<html><body>
<tt>
I want to once again Carrie and Bob for replying to my post of what
<BR>
we parents can do. My heart goes out to each of you and I hope you <BR>
both find the happiness which you both deserve. Bob you said you <BR>
could give me some suggestions for some activities. I would certainly
<BR>
be grateful. My Son lives in Portland, Or. and I live in Los Angeles,
<BR>
but he has everything paid for from rent to toilet paper. I did not
<BR>
want the move to take place but I was overruled by his mother(as we
<BR>
husbands usally are haha)he wanted to move up there. I said fine but
<BR>
he should meet us half way, for instance I would pay everything if he
<BR>
would start therapy or would start a job, or school, but just to pay
<BR>
for him to remain closed up in a small apt. is not my idea of making
<BR>
him well. They say that with therapy this (social phobia) is <BR>
treatable, what do you guys think? <BR>
I find this message board fasinating. It's alot better for me to talk
<BR>
to people who are suffering from this condition rather than to read
<BR>
from alot of talking heads. I feel I get the real scoop here.Take <BR>
care and be well. Thanks Again<BR>
<BR>
</tt>
<br>
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