Hi Annette, thank you for your reply.

I do believe the therapist that I have now has a much better
understanding of shyness. When she mentioned that it sounds like I
could have social anxiety on top of being very shy I was stunned.
Then I felt bit of relief that it wasn't something that was just easy
to get over like I had been told. My therapist also told me that it
is ok to be shy, but if I wanted to be feel comfortable with myself
and other people that I could change my thought patterns and
behaviors if I chose to. That's sounds really good, but it isn't very
easy. Before I was always told I that I needed to not be shy, it was
wrong to be shy. My parents didn't keep me away from socail
situations, they forced me into to them. I remember getting sick to
my stomach at a fair when I was made to tap dance on stage with a
couple of little girls. I have a few other similar memories. My
therapist recomened the book 'Shynes: What it is and What to do about
it'. I have only read the 'What it is' part so far. The book you
mentioned sounds very imformative, thank you for telling me about it.

My son goes to preschool again this year. He goes 3 hrs. a day M-F.
He went last year too, but his shyness did not ease up at all the
whole year. As a matter of fact he was sick and had to stay home for
3 weeks, and then he had a really hard time going back. I was really
thinking about keeping him home then, but his teacher talked me out
of it and was able to help some and things got a little better. I'm
glad that I didn't keep him home because, it would have probably been
worse now. Just yesterday though, when I went to pick him up I saw
him playing a kind of tag game with three other boys. It was the
first time I had ever seen him play with anyone. Usually he just
stands there, or occasionaly rides a tricycle. He is far from being
shy at home, he really makes up the diffence when he is at home. I
have always been shy, but I've also been a quiet person even at home.
Which you probably can't tell from my long rambling posts. LOL

Thanks again, Ronda

--- In SocialFitnessForum@y..., "Annette _" <laprofessore@h...> wrote:
> Hi Ronda,
>
> Having had similar experiences myself, I understand a bit of what
you are going through. I can't give a prescription because each
person is different, but it sounds to me like your new therapist has
a better grasp of your situation than the first one did. My
experience with therapy is that it is more likely to be effective if
the therapist has an understanding of the shy person and if the
therapy has specific behavioral goals, rather than if it is
nondirective. You might discuss with your therapist your concerns
about the group and whether it seems likely to meet your goals.
>
> Regarding your child, I don't have children myself but remember
being a shy child. The best reference I've ever seen on shyness,
which includes a very good section on helping a shy child, is
Bernardo Carducci's book _Shyness: A Bold New Approach_ (in
paperback, available on Amazon and in many bookstores). He really
understands the mentality of the shy person and has many good
suggestions. Regarding children, he has suggestions on how to help a
shy child feel safe enough to gradually enter social situations. He
says it is better to give a child encouraging support to participate
than to reward shyness by keeping a child home, which only reinforces
the avoidance. Unfortunately my shy parents allowed me to avoid
situations and that only made it harder for me to confront them as an
adult. The book is both helpful and optimistic about how to work
with a shy child and with a shy self.
>
> For me, the key has been to understand the underlying thought
process and then to gradually enter more social situations and
practice, beginning with things that were relatively low risk. It is
a lifelong process.
>
> Good luck,
> Annette
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Ronda
> To: SocialFitnessForum@y...
> Sent: Friday, November 15, 2002 11:17 PM
> Subject: [SocialFitnessForum] Hi I'm a newbie here
>
>
> It's hard for me to know where to start. Well, I've been seeing a
> therapist. I started going to see her for my depression, and
because
> I'm taking a fairly high does of an anti-depressent, (it helps
but I
> don't want to have so much meds. in my system) but after getting
into
> it more I found out that I really need to work on my self-esteem
and
> my social anxiety. I went to a therapist 10 years ago for another
> issue. I had mentioned then that I had such a hard time doing
things
> like going shopping. She only asked me what was I afraid of. I
didn't
> know so I just dropped the issue. With the therapsit I have now
it
> only took two meetings until SHE brought it up. She has taught me
a
> lot already. She is trying to help me change my though patterens.
The
> problem is that I have been so depressed and lonely feeling that
I
> have been having scary/disturbing thoughts. My therapist has
> recommended me to a out patient mental program. I'm very nervous
> about this, I will have to meet a lot of new people, and one hour
3 x
> a week is in a group therapy session. I get so shy with groups of
> people I just want to disapear. But also I want to get over this,
I
> want to be normal, and I want to fit in. So I think I'm at the
point
> that I will do about anything.
>
> Another thing to is I don't know if this shyness is heritary,
just in
> personality, or if it is something children learn, but my 5 yr.
old
> son is painfully shy. We kept him out of kindergarten eventhough
he
> is more than capable of doing the school work, because he is just
so
> shy that he would just freeze up. My older son is nothing like
this
> he is a social butterfly. He gets into trouble for talking too
much
> in class. =) It's hard to understand how two brothers can be so
> different.
>
> I'm sorry for my rambling on, but I thank anyone who reads my
story,
> and I would be thankfull for any comments. R
>
>
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