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Hi Ronda,
Having had similar experiences myself, I understand a bit of what you are going through. I can't give a prescription because each person is different, but it sounds to me like your new therapist has a better grasp of your situation than the first one did. My experience with therapy is that it is more likely to be effective if the therapist has an understanding of the shy person and if the therapy has specific behavioral goals, rather than if it is nondirective. You might discuss with your therapist your concerns about the group and whether it seems likely to meet your goals.
Regarding your child, I don't have children myself but remember being a shy child. The best reference I've ever seen on shyness, which includes a very good section on helping a shy child, is Bernardo Carducci's book _Shyness: A Bold New Approach_ (in paperback, available on Amazon and in many bookstores). He really understands the mentality of the shy person and has many good suggestions. Regarding children, he has suggestions on how to help a shy child feel safe enough to gradually enter social situations. He says it is better to give a child encouraging support to participate than to reward shyness by keeping a child home, which only reinforces the avoidance. Unfortunately my shy parents allowed me to avoid situations and that only made it harder for me to confront them as an adult. The book is both helpful and optimistic about how to work with a shy child and with a shy self.
For me, the key has been to understand the underlying thought process and then to gradually enter more social situations and practice, beginning with things that were relatively low risk. It is a lifelong process.
Good luck,
Annette
----- Original Message -----From: RondaSent: Friday, November 15, 2002 11:17 PMSubject: [SocialFitnessForum] Hi I'm a newbie hereIt's hard for me to know where to start. Well, I've been seeing a
therapist. I started going to see her for my depression, and because
I'm taking a fairly high does of an anti-depressent, (it helps but I
don't want to have so much meds. in my system) but after getting into
it more I found out that I really need to work on my self-esteem and
my social anxiety. I went to a therapist 10 years ago for another
issue. I had mentioned then that I had such a hard time doing things
like going shopping. She only asked me what was I afraid of. I didn't
know so I just dropped the issue. With the therapsit I have now it
only took two meetings until SHE brought it up. She has taught me a
lot already. She is trying to help me change my though patterens. The
problem is that I have been so depressed and lonely feeling that I
have been having scary/disturbing thoughts. My therapist has
recommended me to a out patient mental program. I'm very nervous
about this, I will have to meet a lot of new people, and one hour 3 x
a week is in a group therapy session. I get so shy with groups of
people I just want to disapear. But also I want to get over this, I
want to be normal, and I want to fit in. So I think I'm at the point
that I will do about anything.
Another thing to is I don't know if this shyness is heritary, just in
personality, or if it is something children learn, but my 5 yr. old
son is painfully shy. We kept him out of kindergarten eventhough he
is more than capable of doing the school work, because he is just so
shy that he would just freeze up. My older son is nothing like this
he is a social butterfly. He gets into trouble for talking too much
in class. =) It's hard to understand how two brothers can be so
different.
I'm sorry for my rambling on, but I thank anyone who reads my story,
and I would be thankfull for any comments. R
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