I have major trust issues especially with women for good reason. I
played tennis last night, a competitive match, for the first time in
about 5 years. I know the zpoint was working, but did have some
trouble with this gal, who's on my team, I had played doubles against
in practice a few weeks ago and she was making snide remarks toward
me. People have thought me to be a snob by my appearance and
demeanor, which is actually TERROR and fear. I have been targeted
various times in my life for this reason and so I have built up
superdefenses and walls because of it.

Anyway, (I'm sort of venting) I am terrified of this gal and almost
didn't play because I didn't even want to be near her. I won my
match and couldn't wait to get home and away from all those mean
women. I hadn't cried in a long time and did on the way home;
thinking I will never be able to trust, be around, or have any women
friends. The friends I do have are all older women and I have one
really great male friend my age.

Also, during my drug w/d, I was in an Oxford (halfway house for
women) house, and they ended up kicking me out because I was so
depressed. I thought at that time, this was my chance to finally
bond and have "sisterly" love and support, which during my screening
they all convinced me. In hindsight, I know we were all sick and it
wasn't an appropriate place for me, but I was traumatized by the
experience of being kicked out with no where to go but the local
shelter.

So...after all that...am I just releasing this stuff????

Jenny