From: michelle bloom <mecaylachuck@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Happy Monday!
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Monday, July 13, 2009, 12:49 PM

Hi Kim. I hope your monday and everyone else's is going well too. I also loved the conversations yesterday. Today I went out in search of another fulltime job. I am really crossing my fingers that I get a call today from one of the places I applied. It would really help my situation a lot. Here's hoping something comes of it. Have a great day everyone! Michelle

---

From: kimadams12171982 <kimadams12171982@ yahoo.com>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 12:50:06 PM
Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Happy Monday!

Good Morning Everyone! Hope Monday is starting out good for each and every one of you. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed all the dialog yesterday and I really appreciate each and every one of you. We all have such crazy lives.Days filled with frustration, anger and sometimes even hatred.It is so nice to be abled to connect with people who totally get it. As much as we don't understand it, we are where God wants us to be right now. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Just keep telling yourselves that you do matter and you are important to this world. Kim

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@...>
Subject: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM

 

Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 8:27 AM

 

Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM

 

Lesa,

Soooooo very true!! 

I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that. 
 

Debby Smith

---

From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?

 

Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM

 

Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM

 

Lesa,

My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.

 

After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy. 

 

Pray for me.
 

Debby Smith

---

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?

 

Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:11 AM

 

Debby, I am so proud of you.  I too, am a caregiver, took care of my mama for four with Alzheimers.  I know what u mean about your heart and mind.  I went to the Dr. with him yesterday and so did his Dad and Step Mom.  He told her the truth about his drinking.  He has an appt today for the de-tox and rehab.  But there again, I think he is only doing this because he thinks we will get back together and I don't see that happening. He came by the house and brought me home and came in.  I could not wait for him to leave.  He was ready to leave too and i know it was to go drink because he had not drank all day and was shaking like crazy.    I care for him as a person but I am not in love with him anymore, I don't want a life with him anymore.  But for hisself, I do hope he gets sober and stays sober.  I just don't have faith in him.   You stay strong and enjoy those trips away.  Try not to dread coming home as I have for years.  For once my home is just that, MY HOME.   Love ya gurl, Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM   Lesa, My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.   After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy.    Pray for me.   Debby Smith From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:44 PM

 

Woo-hoo! for home being a safe place and a refuge!!!   Peace and blessings, dear ones!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:11 AM   Debby, I am so proud of you.  I too, am a caregiver, took care of my mama for four with Alzheimers.  I know what u mean about your heart and mind.  I went to the Dr. with him yesterday and so did his Dad and Step Mom.  He told her the truth about his drinking.  He has an appt today for the de-tox and rehab.  But there again, I think he is only doing this because he thinks we will get back together and I don't see that happening. He came by the house and brought me home and came in.  I could not wait for him to leave.  He was ready to leave too and i know it was to go drink because he had not drank all day and was shaking like crazy.    I care for him as a person but I am not in love with him anymore, I don't want a life with him anymore.  But for hisself, I do hope he gets sober and stays sober.  I just don't have faith in him.   You stay strong and enjoy those trips away.  Try not to dread coming home as I have for years.  For once my home is just that, MY HOME.   Love ya gurl, Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM   Lesa, My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.   After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy.    Pray for me.   Debby Smith From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:27 PM

 

Well gurls, u won't believe it, he checks into detox tomorrow morning.  I still have my doubts about his sincereity and have made it clear if he is drinking he cannot even visit me here or call me.  He is naturally scared and I guess I would be too.  Afterall being a drunk for 20 years is almost a lifetime.   Wish him luck because i pray he gets sober for himself.  I love you all.   Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:44 PM   Woo-hoo! for home being a safe place and a refuge!!!   Peace and blessings, dear ones!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:11 AM   Debby, I am so proud of you.  I too, am a caregiver, took care of my mama for four with Alzheimers.  I know what u mean about your heart and mind.  I went to the Dr. with him yesterday and so did his Dad and Step Mom.  He told her the truth about his drinking.  He has an appt today for the de-tox and rehab.  But there again, I think he is only doing this because he thinks we will get back together and I don't see that happening. He came by the house and brought me home and came in.  I could not wait for him to leave.  He was ready to leave too and i know it was to go drink because he had not drank all day and was shaking like crazy.    I care for him as a person but I am not in love with him anymore, I don't want a life with him anymore.  But for hisself, I do hope he gets sober and stays sober.  I just don't have faith in him.   You stay strong and enjoy those trips away.  Try not to dread coming home as I have for years.  For once my home is just that, MY HOME.   Love ya gurl, Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM   Lesa, My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.   After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy.    Pray for me.   Debby Smith From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, August 19, 2009, 2:59 PM

 

Dearest Lesa,   Thank you for keeping us informed on how your (ex?) is doing.  It would be totally awesome if he actually finds recovery.  Thank you for standing strong and taking care of yourself!   Peace and blessings!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:27 PM   Well gurls, u won't believe it, he checks into detox tomorrow morning.  I still have my doubts about his sincereity and have made it clear if he is drinking he cannot even visit me here or call me.  He is naturally scared and I guess I would be too.  Afterall being a drunk for 20 years is almost a lifetime.   Wish him luck because i pray he gets sober for himself.  I love you all.   Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:44 PM   Woo-hoo! for home being a safe place and a refuge!!!   Peace and blessings, dear ones!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:11 AM   Debby, I am so proud of you.  I too, am a caregiver, took care of my mama for four with Alzheimers.  I know what u mean about your heart and mind.  I went to the Dr. with him yesterday and so did his Dad and Step Mom.  He told her the truth about his drinking.  He has an appt today for the de-tox and rehab.  But there again, I think he is only doing this because he thinks we will get back together and I don't see that happening. He came by the house and brought me home and came in.  I could not wait for him to leave.  He was ready to leave too and i know it was to go drink because he had not drank all day and was shaking like crazy.    I care for him as a person but I am not in love with him anymore, I don't want a life with him anymore.  But for hisself, I do hope he gets sober and stays sober.  I just don't have faith in him.   You stay strong and enjoy those trips away.  Try not to dread coming home as I have for years.  For once my home is just that, MY HOME.   Love ya gurl, Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM   Lesa, My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.   After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy.    Pray for me.   Debby Smith From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, August 19, 2009, 7:41 PM

 

Well, today is his first day in detox, when I went and visited him he was down and depressed but by the time I left he was laughing.  I hope this will make him recover and want to stay sober.  I can't remember the last time we laughed together.  I actually enjoyed talking with him.  But I told him, he will have to prove he intends to remain sober for us to have a chance.  I caught a glimpse of the man I married and liked see that man again.  With God's help, he will recover.  Anything is possible.   Pray for him, Lesa --- On Wed, 8/19/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Wednesday, August 19, 2009, 2:59 PM   Dearest Lesa,   Thank you for keeping us informed on how your (ex?) is doing.  It would be totally awesome if he actually finds recovery.  Thank you for standing strong and taking care of yourself!   Peace and blessings!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:27 PM   Well gurls, u won't believe it, he checks into detox tomorrow morning.  I still have my doubts about his sincereity and have made it clear if he is drinking he cannot even visit me here or call me.  He is naturally scared and I guess I would be too.  Afterall being a drunk for 20 years is almost a lifetime.   Wish him luck because i pray he gets sober for himself.  I love you all.   Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:44 PM   Woo-hoo! for home being a safe place and a refuge!!!   Peace and blessings, dear ones!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:11 AM   Debby, I am so proud of you.  I too, am a caregiver, took care of my mama for four with Alzheimers.  I know what u mean about your heart and mind.  I went to the Dr. with him yesterday and so did his Dad and Step Mom.  He told her the truth about his drinking.  He has an appt today for the de-tox and rehab.  But there again, I think he is only doing this because he thinks we will get back together and I don't see that happening. He came by the house and brought me home and came in.  I could not wait for him to leave.  He was ready to leave too and i know it was to go drink because he had not drank all day and was shaking like crazy.    I care for him as a person but I am not in love with him anymore, I don't want a life with him anymore.  But for hisself, I do hope he gets sober and stays sober.  I just don't have faith in him.   You stay strong and enjoy those trips away.  Try not to dread coming home as I have for years.  For once my home is just that, MY HOME.   Love ya gurl, Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM   Lesa, My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.   After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy.    Pray for me.   Debby Smith From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:48 AM

 

Lesa,

My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strength from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.

 

After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy. 

 

Pray for me.
 

Debby Smith

---

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?

 

Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, August 19, 2009, 6:05 AM

 

Sara,

You sound so wise.  This message really made me feel good.  I wish my brain worked different, but it does not and so I have to deal with this.  But...with help from this group and my desire to break free from this 'hell' maybe I can take little baby steps. 

 

I will reread this on my lunch.  I am in Ohio and am starting working now.
 

Debby Smith

---

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Tuesday, August 18, 2009 6:42:40 PM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?

 

Dearest Debby,   I just had a thought, and if it doesn't work for you, please just "delete."   You asked what is wrong with you and said that the caregiver in you is your worst enemy.  I think that what is wrong with all of us when we get "stuck" in abusive relationships is that somewhere along the line we have developed the belief that the little scraps of kindness and affection our abusers toss to us are all we are ever going to get.  I think it is like the "Stockholm Syndrome."    The "Stockholm Syndrome," as far as I understand it, was coined to explain the way stewardesses became emotionally attached to, even almost seeming to fall in love with, the hijackers who had hijacked their plane.  Being captive and totally dependent on the hijackers for anything and everything, even the smallest concession or kindness was such a big deal, the hijackers became almost heroes to the captives, even though the the hijackers were the source of all the misery.  The stewardesses had been emotionally and mentally beaten down so that the only reality they could see anymore was the captivity they were experiencing, and this caused everything good to seem much more significant that it really was.    Some of us are raised in homes that instill this type of understanding of reality and some of us get sucked in by the addict's/alcoholic' s initial charm and promises.  But however we get suckered in, it usually takes outside help to get us free.  To which we usually react with shame.    So shame also keeps us stuck.  Shame due to believing that somehow the rotten situation is our fault - that if we had just done things different, things would be different - and that some how, some way, we will figure out what we did wrong, fix it, and things will be the way we thought they were going to be.  And the addictalcoholic LOVES to help us believe this!    Or shame that we got ourselves in such a situation and self-blame makes us feel like we deserve what we got, or feeling like we have to fix it before we get out, to somehow prove we weren't as gulible or "stupid" as we have now labled ourselves.  The self-blame keeps us stuck, and miserable afterwards for a long time if we don't get help - you are so right saying that we can do with each other's support what we could never do alone!    The Three C's of Al-Anon are so important - we didn't Cause it, we can't Cure it, and can't control it.   Dear one, there is nothing wrong with being a caretaker - kindness and loving behavior is what makes this world worth living in.  It just needs to be balanced, to be used with wisdom.  That is a skill we learn as we go - again, like you said, supported by and learning from each other.   Well, those were my thoughts.  If they have any value I am glad.  I pray they have not been offensive to anyone.   Peace and blessings to you, dear one!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:48 AM   Lesa, My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strength from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.   After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy.    Pray for me.   Debby Smith From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 5:09 PM

 

Lesa,

Soooooo very true!! 

I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that. 
 

Debby Smith

---

From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?

 

Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Monday, August 17, 2009, 12:49 PM

 

Sara,

That trip is yet to come.  I went to visit my other sister here is Ohio.  What a wonderful weekend.  I am looking forward to my next trip.  I made arrangements to go to New York with my sister's church group.

I have never been to New York City before.  It is in September too.
 

Debby Smith

---

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:29:43 PM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?

 

Wo-hoo!  Debby!  Hooray for you for getting away and enjoying yourself!  I am glad your trip to California was such a good one!  And here are my best wishes for many, many more chances to just be good to Debby (((WISH!!!)) )   and (((hugs)))   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 5:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara

From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Job hunt
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Received: Tuesday, July 14, 2009, 1:54 PM

Michelle and Sara,

I have to agree that God sometimes leads us (if we let him).  I was in distress about a year ago regarding insurance and stability.  I had my own taxi service and was making half way decent money, but I had to work a lot of hours though. 

 

It would have worked, but my husband starting taking money out of the account to support his habit.  Then my son starting stealing things from our home.  I was not home, and sometimes would not know for weeks.  I would go to ride my bike and it was gone.  Wanted to have a barbecue and it was gone.  Scrap was high, and so anything that was of any value or weight was sold.  I had to get a job, my own back account, and hide anything of any value.

 

Anyway, back to my reason for writing.  I prayed about this, and out of the blue, one of my old clients (a church) called me to work for them.  This is one of my miracle stories.  Sunday of that week, I was going through some old papers from my old job, and I came across this lady's business card.  I started to throw this away, and had a second thought.  I would call her and find out what they liked about me being their consultant, so I could look for work.  I had had no contact with this church for 2 1/2 years, but something made this lady think that maybe I may be interested in working.  Anyway, the next day, I got a call.  My son thought it was the church calling for money and almost did not give me the message.  Well, the job seems to fit me.  I have been here a year.  The pay is significantly less than I made taxi driving, but my insurance is paid and I have job stability.  I know that God had a hand in this. 

 

I wish I could tell you that my problems with money disappeared.  I wish I could tell you that my son quit stealing.  He has pawned my lap top while I was at work.  My husband has called me to transfer money for his habits.  (always promises to pay me back, but never does), knowing I will do it because I am at work and cannot take the time to argue with him.    These things still go on, but I am taking baby steps in getting control of my life.  Pray for me!
 

Debby Smith

---

From: michelle bloom <mecaylachuck@...>
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 6:32:03 PM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Job hunt

Thanks Sarah!

---

From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 4:20:24 PM
Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Job hunt

Dear Michelle,   My prayers are with you on your job hunt.  May God lead you straight to a good job where you can really enjoy working and will take care of you financially.  <3   Love, Sara     --- On Mon, 7/13/09, michelle bloom <mecaylachuck@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: michelle bloom <mecaylachuck@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Happy Monday! To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Monday, July 13, 2009, 12:49 PM Hi Kim. I hope your monday and everyone else's is going well too. I also loved the conversations yesterday. Today I went out in search of another fulltime job. I am really crossing my fingers that I get a call today from one of the places I applied. It would really help my situation a lot. Here's hoping something comes of it. Have a great day everyone! Michelle From: kimadams12171982 <kimadams12171982@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, July 13, 2009 12:50:06 PM Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Happy Monday! Good Morning Everyone! Hope Monday is starting out good for each and every one of you. I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed all the dialog yesterday and I really appreciate each and every one of you. We all have such crazy lives.Days filled with frustration, anger and sometimes even hatred.It is so nice to be abled to connect with people who totally get it. As much as we don't understand it, we are where God wants us to be right now. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. Just keep telling yourselves that you do matter and you are important to this world. Kim