--- fern163590@... wrote:
> mystwyngz@... writes:
>
> I  don't know what to do.
>
>
> There's nothing you can do, it's not up to you.
> Just pray for  him.

What about confronting him?  What about talking to
your mom about leaving him?  What about getting proof
that he is drinking?  What about talking to a
counsellor or someone that you know that is in AA
about what to do?  I'm just brainstorming, and agree
that praying is a good plan, I just think that you
probably need to do something so that you feel better
about the whole thing.




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I think that my stepdad is drinking again cause my mom found a half
empty bottle of Scope in his car.I'm scared that he's going to do
something stupid.I don't know what to do.

When I think of other people being my mirrors I can see the progress I
have made.  I can see how I used to be, how I am today and then
qualities that I would like to develope. The other part that hit home
is when I have a hard time coping with another persons choices, it
usally has history to it. I have made unhealthy choices or just passive
aggressive choices.

does anyone know chat rooms in australia that I can go online to.
sometimes i feel i waould like answers or someone to talk to straight
away when i'm feeling down in the dumps. the one i have now is US
based and due to time difference its not easy to always find someone
on line.

thanks 4 this

Thank you, I too believe in a power higher than you or I. However I
am
not very strong in my faith. I know many of you may try to enlighten
me. I just need someone to talk to who is going through the same
thing.
How do I move on when my husband cant see past the alcohol? I would
love to move on with him. Not much success.

--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "altered001"
<bandpage@...> wrote:
>
> Hello, were do I start. Never ever have I been in a chat room to
seek
> help. I dont even know were to start. I could write a book. Husband
of
> 21 years is an alcoholic. Im scared, confused and very lonley. I
sound
> like a wimp, I know. But I have been through this before with him
17
> years ago. I dont think I want to go down that road again, but I am
> afraid to divorce him. Ok, I'll be honest. I'm afraid to be on my
own.
> I'm afraid to be alone. I do still love him, but he seems to love
his
> addictions. Just need to talk to someone.
>

Thank you, I too believe in a power higher than you or I. However I
am
not very strong in my faith. I know many of you may try to enlighten
me. I just need someone to talk to who is going through the same
thing.
How do I move on when my husband cant see past the alcohol? I would
love to move on with him. Not much success.

--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "altered001"
<bandpage@...> wrote:
>
> Hello, were do I start. Never ever have I been in a chat room to
seek
> help. I dont even know were to start. I could write a book. Husband
of
> 21 years is an alcoholic. Im scared, confused and very lonley. I
sound
> like a wimp, I know. But I have been through this before with him
17
> years ago. I dont think I want to go down that road again, but I am
> afraid to divorce him. Ok, I'll be honest. I'm afraid to be on my
own.
> I'm afraid to be alone.  I do still love him, but he seems to love
his
> addictions. Just need to talk to someone.
>

Hello, were do I start. Never ever have I been in a chat room to seek
help. I dont even know were to start. I could write a book. Husband of
21 years is an alcoholic. Im scared, confused and very lonley. I sound
like a wimp, I know. But I have been through this before with him 17
years ago. I dont think I want to go down that road again, but I am
afraid to divorce him. Ok, I'll be honest. I'm afraid to be on my own.
I'm afraid to be alone. I do still love him, but he seems to love his
addictions. Just need to talk to someone.

Hello, were do I start. Never ever have I been in a chat room to seek
help. I dont even know were to start. I could write a book. Husband of
21 years is an alcoholic. Im scared, confused and very lonley. I sound
like a wimp, I know. But I have been through this before with him 17
years ago. I dont think I want to go down that road again, but I am
afraid to divorce him. Ok, I'll be honest. I'm afraid to be on my own.
I'm afraid to be alone.  I do still love him, but he seems to love his
addictions. Just need to talk to someone.

Hi Maggie,

I'm also new to this group.  I was a little concerned when I first
looked through the posts on here, and so many of them seem to be about
people's husbands/wives.  It's a very different situation when it's
your family.

My mom has been an alcoholic for 11 years, and in that time, she has
gone from being a very afluent health professional to jobless,
pennyless and living in a friends trailor which is falling apart.

I know how you feel - every time the phone rings, your heart stops and
your stomach twists into knots... but you just can't stop yourself
from picking up the phone.  I've said to my husband so many times, it
would be so much easier if my mom didn't show me any love or
attention, because then I could walk away.  She provides just enough
love to keep me hanging onto this toxic situation.

My mom has been telling me that she is going to die this year and
begging me to promise that I will spread her ashes in a certain
place... I just try not to feed into her hysteria, by distracting her
or changing the subject if possible.

I'm sure, like you, I thought if I removed myself from her (I moved to
England with my husband) that it would be easier - it is in a way, but
its surprising how much an alcoholic can hurt you, even at a distance.
  Now I'm spending a small fortune returning her frantic phone calls
(she can't call me because she can't afford to - she just calls me at
all hours, even the middle of the night, and begs me to call her back,
or lies and says its an emergency).  I don't know if you feel like
your wasting half your life on the phone when they just keep going
over and over the same issues without listening or making any progress
forward.  Its very frustrating and upsetting.



--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "mystwyngz"
<mystwyngz@...> wrote:
>
> My name is Maggie Dailey and this is my first post here.My stepdad is
> an alchoholic and he recently moved out.He was becoming verbally
> abusive towards me and it really hurts me to know that the man that I
> called dad for so many years is doing something so stupid.Even though
> he has moved out,he is calling and threatening to kill himself.I am so
> scared that one day the phone will ring and it will be the coroner
> telling me that he killed himself.I know that I don't have any control
> over his drinking.I live with my mother and my younger sister in
> Lafayette Louisiana and am unable to get to meetings because I cannot
> drive.
>

I told my husband of 5 years, that by the time I got home from work
the day he told me everything he had been doing, he had to be out of
the house.  I would NOT tolerate the lies, the stealing (in a way)
and the shooting coke.  I knew when I married him that he was a
recovering addict and alcoholic.  He had been clean for 16 yrs.  Then
all of a sudden, this little old man of 53yrs decided to go back to
that crap.  That was almost 3 months ago.  He still isn't back home
but he comes over every day to see me and the dogs (our children!)
He is staying at his sponsers house and he goes to AA/NA meetings 2-3
times a week.  Right now is his busiest time at work, he is a heating
and air guy, so he has little time to do anything but work, go to
meetings, and see me for an hour or so a day.  But he is working on
his problem.  Big time.  So that shows me that he really wanted the
help as well as keeping our family together.  I live in an area where
there are no meetings for us (spouses) to go to.  I read these
postings as well as others in other groups every day.  They get me
through all of this.  It let me know that I was not alone even though
I felt like it.  If you ever need a shoulder, there are so many here
for you to lean on.  Me included!  I lean too at times.  Believe this
or not, this is the first time I think I have ever posted in this
group!  But I felt your pain.  I felt your heartbreak.  I felt your
fear.  Be strong.  You know what is the best for you. No one can tell
you what that is.  If he is asking for help, help him find it.  He
sounds like a good man with a bad habit.  You can support him as well
as standing strong for what's right.  We are all here for you, dear.

garbage.  I don't know how I am suppose to feel or act or be.  I do
know that I truly love this man, well...the man I married, not this
lying, 2faced, thieving, do things behind my back piece of crap!  Did
I mention LYING?????  That is the part I just don't understand.  How
can someone who is suppose to love you, look you right in the eye and
lie?  He never missed work.  He kept everything away from me so I
didn't see it.  He always gave me money for the bills till maybe the
last month or so.  And even then, he gave me some just not alot.
Told me work was slow.  He came clean to me about 2 weeks ago and he
told me over the phone while I was on my way home from work.  I
didn't hesitate at all.  I immediately told him that I wanted him out
of the house by the time I got home.  He then started going to AA/NA
meetings and moved in with his sponsor who happens to live about 4
blocks down my street.  His sponsor told me he is doing real good.
He still comes to see me every day and still gives me a little money
for the bills but I won't let him come back home.  Not yet.  He isn't
ready.  Hell, I don't even know when he will be ready but I do know
that he is working hard to beat this demon.  He kicked it for 16yrs.
So I know he can do it again.  He knows I love him but he also knows
that I am NOT putting up with that crap.  Am I doing the right
thing?  Am I being to easy on him by letting him come to the house to
see me and the dogs?  I mean, this is his home too.  But I don't want
to make it easy on him where he thinks he can get by with this.  This
has really messed me up.  I can't sleep or eat right.  I either sleep
for days or not at all.  I either eat everything I come in contact
with or not at all.
I tried to find a local meeting for me around here and the nearest
one I found is like almost an hour away.  I live in a small town
between Cincinnati and Dayton, Ohio.  If anyone is aware of any
meetings near my area, please let me know.  Until then, I have you
guys now.
Vicki

--- louisecfourie <louisef@...> wrote:

> > I think it will be the biggest mistake of your
> life,  you should
> only let him back in your life after he got himself
> sober.  You will
> lose everything you've worked so hard for just
> because you feel it is
> your responsibility to help.

Actually, we've talked about it and he no longer wants
me to move or start over, now that he understands what
that means.

> but I've made a
> decision to get out until it can get a healthy
> relationship again.

Let us know when you get out.

Jody

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--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, Miss Floor
<missfloor@...> wrote:
>
> Phil called this morning to tell me that he wants to
> quit drinking.  The catch here is that he wants me to
> move back to St. Louis to help him.  It's a trap to
> me, even though that's not how he intends it.  I have
> a relatively successful business here in Columbia.
> Starting over would be devestating.  I also have a
> better attitude and am almost out of bad debt because
> of my situation here.  How do I help him understand
> that?  Can I get him to move here?  Is it even wise
> for me to help him?
>
> Jody
>
> __________________________________________________
> I think it will be the biggest mistake of your life,  you should
only let him back in your life after he got himself sober.  You will
lose everything you've worked so hard for just because you feel it is
your responsibility to help.  It is not. He must help himself, become
a healed, healthy individual, and only then, can you continue to have
  a healthy relationship with him again.  I'm no one to talk, as I'm in
one of those very UN-healthy relationships currently, but I've made a
decision to get out until it can get a healthy relationship again.  I
hope you will make the same decision

Kamikaze

--- mystwyngz <mystwyngz@...> wrote:

> My name is Maggie Dailey and this is my first post
> here.

Welcome.

My stepdad is
> an alchoholic and he recently moved out.

Good.

I am so
> scared that one day the phone will ring and it will
> be the coroner
> telling me that he killed himself.

Hopefully you'll be long gone by now, or your number
will be changed.

> I live with my mother and my
> younger sister and am unable to get to meetings
> because I cannot drive.

Can the three of you get to counseling together?
There is a book called Adult Children of Alcoholics
that may help too.  Whatever else happens, I'm more
than willing to listen.  I'm not sure what else I can
do to help.

In my case it is my fiance with a drinking problem.  I
am very fortunate because he's a happy drunk.  We also
don't live in the same place.

Jody

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My name is Maggie Dailey and this is my first post here.My stepdad is
an alchoholic and he recently moved out.He was becoming verbally
abusive towards me and it really hurts me to know that the man that I
called dad for so many years is doing something so stupid.Even though
he has moved out,he is calling and threatening to kill himself.I am so
scared that one day the phone will ring and it will be the coroner
telling me that he killed himself.I know that I don't have any control
over his drinking.I live with my mother and my younger sister in
Lafayette Louisiana and am unable to get to meetings because I cannot
drive.

My name is Deidre and I am a sober, happy and very grateful
alcoholic!

I picked up my first drink at the age of 14 and I drank heavily
right up until I was 40 years old.  Tried to give up drinking on my
own on many occasions and failed miserably and went back to drinking
every time.   I tried numerous rehabilitation centres and also
failed.  I tried to go to A.A. meetings on a regular basis, but
still drank in between.  I sought psychiatric help to no avail.  In
the end I got that depressed because of my drinking I wanted to end
my life.  I was recommended by my doctor to investigate the Fresh
Start program.  So I thought to myself "I have got nothing to lose,
why not give it a try".  I subsequently joined the Fresh Start
program and had the surgical implant put into the lower part of my
abdomen, which was a minor and painless operation.  This implant
instantly took away the cravings of alcohol, which in turn stopped
me from thinking about alcohol.  18 months later I am still alcohol
free!  I have not picked up a drink since.  The desire to drink has
ceased physically and mentally.  As a result I am back with my
husband and 2 boys, and life couldn't be better!  I am now
experiencing life sober beyond my wildest dreams.

If you or a friend or a family member have an alcohol problem that
you can't control, please visit the Fresh Start Private website –
www.freshstartprivate.com, I guarantee you won't regret it!

Phil called this morning to tell me that he wants to
quit drinking.  The catch here is that he wants me to
move back to St. Louis to help him.  It's a trap to
me, even though that's not how he intends it.  I have
a relatively successful business here in Columbia.
Starting over would be devestating.  I also have a
better attitude and am almost out of bad debt because
of my situation here.  How do I help him understand
that?  Can I get him to move here?  Is it even wise
for me to help him?

Jody

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Don't have kids, but I wouldn't leave them if you can
take them.

Can you tell us more?

--- goodwitchwalking <goodwitchwalking@...>
wrote:

> Not sure who's who here.
> Wondering if there is anyone out there that can
> direct me in helping
> my 4 children (14-7) cope w/ their father. I'm
> divorcing him finally
> but I feel like I've left the kids to bear what he
> can no longer dish
> out onto me.
>
>
>
>


__________________________________________________
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Not sure who's who here.
Wondering if there is anyone out there that can direct me in helping
my 4 children (14-7) cope w/ their father. I'm divorcing him finally
but I feel like I've left the kids to bear what he can no longer dish
out onto me.

Thanks Miranda.

I should update you all.  Phil told me that he loves
me when he was sober.  I really don't need anything
else for Christmas.  I also recently told him that I
can't live with him when he's drinking.

Jody

--- Miranda <mirandaluvseric@...> wrote:

> I just wanted to introduce myself I am Miranda I am
> a recovering
> addict/alcoholic
> and my whole family are alcholics who refuse to do
> anything about
> it, lol.  Today I am learning that is not for me to
> judge though
> (whether or not they are alcoholics)that is their
> journey and for
> them to figure out. Today I need to figure out why I
> can not stay
> out of relationships with alcholics what is it
> within me that feels
> the need to have relationships with alcholics.  I
> mean there are
> plenty of people out there to date or be in a
> relationship with so
> why do I cling to the sick and suffering.  That is
> why I am working
> the twelve steps found in this program.  Today I am
> looking at me
> rather than looking at them.....  God grant me the
> serenity to
> accept the things I can not change (other people,
> places and things)
> the courage to change the things I can (my attitude
> and reactions to
> these people, places and things) and the wisdom to
> know the
> difference.  I am here for both of you and completly
> understand what
> you are going through if you ever want to chat my
> email is
> mirandaluvseric@....  Thank you both so much
> for sharing and
> for being a part of this group.  Keep coming back :)
>  Glad to have
> you both here......
> Just for Today
> Miranda C.
>
>
>
>


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I just wanted to introduce myself I am Miranda I am a recovering
addict/alcoholic
and my whole family are alcholics who refuse to do anything about
it, lol.  Today I am learning that is not for me to judge though
(whether or not they are alcoholics)that is their journey and for
them to figure out. Today I need to figure out why I can not stay
out of relationships with alcholics what is it within me that feels
the need to have relationships with alcholics.  I mean there are
plenty of people out there to date or be in a relationship with so
why do I cling to the sick and suffering.  That is why I am working
the twelve steps found in this program.  Today I am looking at me
rather than looking at them.....  God grant me the serenity to
accept the things I can not change (other people, places and things)
the courage to change the things I can (my attitude and reactions to
these people, places and things) and the wisdom to know the
difference.  I am here for both of you and completly understand what
you are going through if you ever want to chat my email is
mirandaluvseric@....  Thank you both so much for sharing and
for being a part of this group.  Keep coming back :)  Glad to have
you both here......
Just for Today
Miranda C.

--- Robert Armstrong <robert7111a@...> wrote:
> My name is Robert and my partner is an alcoholic who
> refuses to do
> anything about it

You're not dating my boyfriend, are you?

> I have nobody to turn to for support and wondered if
> this group could
> help?

I'm in a similar situation, obviously.  I'm hoping
that maybe we can help each other.  The thing is that
I'm not sure how, since I've never done this before.

Jody



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Hello

My name is Robert and my partner is an alcoholic who refuses to do
anything about it

I have nobody to turn to for support and wondered if this group could
help?

Many thanks

Robert

--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "recoveryworldinfo"
<recoveryworldinfo@y...> wrote:
>
> We are rather new and would appreciate any volunteers to chair
meetings
> and moderate forums and chat rooms.  Thanks, John
>

Seeing as I've never been a part of a recovery group before, I don't
feel like I should volunteer to lead anything.  I will give you a
little background though, and maybe you can give me some advice.

My mom's wanted me to do something like this for like 15 years.  My
father isn't/wasn't an alcoholic, but he played all the mind games
and manipulative games that go along with it.

Now I'm in love with an alcoholic.  I know that it is very
unhealthy.  That is one reason that I continue to live 2 hours away
from him.  I know I can change him, and that it could be a very long
time before he hits bottom or decides to quit.

I don't know what else to write right now.  I'm really tired, but
wanted to try to find someone that can understand tonight.

Jody

We are rather new and would appreciate any volunteers to chair meetings
and moderate forums and chat rooms.  Thanks, John