well, it seems I have done things backwards... lol... I joined this
group, and can't recall if I introduced myself... I did look to see
if I had posted anything, but didn't find anything.

I came here initially to find support from others in the same
addiction based dysfunction. My husband of 25 years and I are
divorcing, we have 3 children ages 20, 15, and 4. 2 boys, 1 girl in
the middle.
My story begins at the age of 15 when he and I moved in together, he
drank on weekends, and worked through the week. I had an abusive
past, and walked right into a different lifestyle with different
abuse.. However, patterns repeat themselves and after 25 years, and
watching him go from weekend drinking to every night, to as many as
18 beer in one night in under 2 hours...
He became a man I didn't know, and I realized I was his enabler. It
took a long time to see I enabled as I saw it as my duty to do it
all, as I had to in his absence. I was the reason that this failed,
or that, or the children weren't behaving the way he saw they ought,
and the list goes on... We seperated once for a year, and this was
when I realised I loved him so very much....He was my everything, my
best friend, my lover, my confidant... but not when he drank... I
just couldn't give up on the one I loved....
When returning to the relationship, it resumed to the way it were in
about 3 months time, and once again, I was feeling the same old ways,
from the same old abuse, and the same old rut...
I prayed and prayed, and it felt like God was not hearing me, and I
was so depressed, and full of anxiety. I began to read books on
marriage, the bible, and what were the terms of divorce anyways, as
there is a lot of stigma out there when you are a Christian, and the
church view on divorce. Because the Religions out there have such
diversity, I went to God....
My husband does not believe in Christ as I do, and biblically I can
leave him in an abusive situation, IF he does not want to reconcile.
Therefore, I had left on the basis of health reasons, as my daughter
and I were suffering health wise very poorly over the home life.
I told him that I just can't live under the same roof as he, as I
literally was dealing with too much already, from repressed memories,
seizures, the loss of my father, and his estate in court, as well as
the boundaries I had to place on my siblings and mother over the
repressed memories, and court issues...
So for the 2 years we have been apart, he never once asked for
reconciliation, despite he sought intimacy whenever he desired so...
Even when I asked him outright,"Do you see any other way, other than
divorce, that we can fix this?" His reply was no.... so the divorce
went forth....
He now is bitter, has began drinking after being dry now for 3
months, and comes to my home on his days to have the children, and
makes demands,and always has a negative verbal abusive statement to
leave with me....
I have been in counciling, and have become stronger, as I set
boundaries with him... We tried to be friends for the kids, and it
worked well until the divorce was becoming a reality...
Backing up to when I left, the night before my move he stalked me,
and literally said he was going to have me (intimately) ... I had to
lock the doors to keep him out, and I never called the police, which
I should have... He has never hit me, but I bet if I had stayed in
the relationship, it would have come...
He was so angry that evening, I watched him pick up a deepfreeze with
food in it, alone and move it out of the porch while it did not once
touch the ground.... I was so frightened I had a seizure, and that
was the last time I was under his roof....

Our divorce should be completed by the end of this month (Feb) and I
have come to see, that it is not my fault. He must accept
responsibility for his actions by his choice to bring alcohol into
our home, and the consequences that itself did to what we had at one
time... I am growing emotionally, and learning that I don't have to
react to him anymore. My only concern is my kids, how do I protect
them? I have only education to offer, and hate it when he claims he
does not have to go to AA... that he does not have a problem, in the
meantime, I watch my oldest boy (20) drinking to where he does not
recall the events of the night before, and my daughter, is ignored as
well as the oldest, whild daddy takes the 4 year old for 2 days a
week, and spoils him with new toys, etc, and the other 2 get
nothing...
well, am writing a book, sry about that... good therapy though...lol
would you all introduce yourselves to me, that I may establish who
you are and what brought you here?