hello everyone. i am brand new to the group after reading some of your emails, i know i'm in the right place.  here's my story. which i am sure is very similar to yours.  i am married now for 17 years. i have a 14 and 11 year old. boy and girl.  my husband had a very good paying job. until one day shortly after my dad died and he got very burned out on working 15 hour days.  i really fewel stupid about this)  he started staying up all night. he lost alot of weight. black circles under his eyes and just very strung out.  i thoughtit was work related. ha ha :(.  then one night he o.d.ed  i thought he was asleep. i called my neighbor and they thought the same thing.  until many hours later the kids got up and woke me because he was making an awful girgling sound.  he had o.d'ed.  he took about 20 methodone and smoked crack.  he's very lucky he's not dead.  he quit his job and rlapsed and went to treatment for 2 weeks. determined he can do this on his own and without meetings.  (big mistake)  another relapse  and another and this time i kicked him out.  this was a couple of days before thanksgiving. i didn't tell him that he had to go to treatment. i just told him he could not live in our house with our kids and use drugs. so he went and partied it up for a week. then he decided to go to rehab.  he did good for about a month and then he has relapsed.  this one was different, in the fact that i didn't bust him. he told me and the treatment center. he had to sleep in a tent outside for 3 days. and study the book of Jonah.  he was actually sorry this time.  i still don't trust him. and as i have conveyed to him. i don't believe anything he says. i don't trust him. and he is selfish.  i really don't know why i haven't left. maybe its because of my faith, and since i have been a single mom now.  i do see how hard it is. (hats off to single moms.)  i have so many conflicting thoughts that run thru my head.  therapist some times refer to drug addiction to a love affair.  i can see that.  you feel betrade..you don't trust them.  ect........  how can you have a relationship with someone under these conditions.  how do you work on it.  he says he feels like we are drifting apart.  we are, and on top of that he has more time to think about what he has done.  i have to be the mom, dad, full time worker, house hold worker, keep the kids in order and ok.  and ME ok.  this is my delemma...  sorry for such a long story but now you know mine.  i am anxious to hear from ya'll and your experiences and advise.

 

kathy