i have been in counselling for a little while, recently... but have
had much over the years of living with the addict...
am currently on the path of divorce, and I too have issues with
closing the doors. I live on my own, have for almost 2 years, and am
much happier as the stress is gone. One thing I have learned is that
staying only enables... my husband has quit again for the (lost
count), and he is having to deal with his issues/addiction, without
my being there to be his blame focus...
I am very much in tune to the feeling of afraid to let him go...
despite the divorce is filed, and are just waiting for the papers to
come back for affidavits to be submitted... I have a feeling I will
continue with this divorce, as I realize that I have a "security" in
him... with the irony that there is none... not in a relationship
like that... my health deteriorated to the point I was having more
seizures from the stress, and stress has to be eliminated for my
health...
you can love again, you can live again, you did it before him.. and
can do it without... it is your decision...
here is a web site i visited that I found helpful... if you can get
to the point you are able to answer these questions with a yes, then
it is time to move on...
it helped me a lot..
my internal conflict... ended up being guilt... i felt guilty he had
to take me in when i was 15 and care for me... he was the only one
that loved me... and i attached myself to that guilt for 24 years...
still today, i feel it, however... he also made the choice to take me
in, and it is not all my fault.... he knew just as i did, and now 24
years, 3 kids, and a divorce... guilt is not enough to hold on to
something I don't want...
there is life beyond the box in which we live... it is up to you, to
decide how you will shape it... as opportunity is there if you take
it... it will not be handed to you, it is hard work looking inside of
yourself, and is emotionally draining. Healing is that way... takes
time, and self examination to the situation, as to what is the
healthy approach to the wounds...
good luck...



--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "col19991"
<col1999@...> wrote:
>
> Hey, altered, I'm wondering where you are now. I just joined this
> group today (1/9/08) and I'm in the same position you were when you
> posted. Years ago, my husband was drinking a lot, went to AA & got
> sober, but is now drinking again. We've been together 17+ years --
he
> was (and is) my first love. I don't want to stay with him and go
> through this again, but I don't want to be alone/on my own either.
>
> What did you end up doing?
>
> --- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, "altered001"
> <bandpage@> wrote:
> >
> > Hello, were do I start. Never ever have I been in a chat room to
seek
> > help. I dont even know were to start. I could write a book.
Husband
> of
> > 21 years is an alcoholic. Im scared, confused and very lonley. I
> sound
> > like a wimp, I know. But I have been through this before with him
17
> > years ago. I dont think I want to go down that road again, but I
am
> > afraid to divorce him. Ok, I'll be honest. I'm afraid to be on my
> own.
> > I'm afraid to be alone. I do still love him, but he seems to
love
> his
> > addictions. Just need to talk to someone.
> >
>