Hello all,

I am no longer living with an alcoholic. I broke up with my boyfriend almost a month ago. I broke up because i had had enough of his being angry, depressed, and negative. At the end of every day he felt bad for his behavior and apologized, but day after day, there were many hours upon hours where i was not at peace.

i've been going through the transition of not being with him, wondering this and wondering that at times... and at other times just enjoying myself and appreciating (and being mindful of) the relief.

one of the things i wonder about is whether he really knew what i wanted or how i felt about him. He tended to feel more and more guilty after getting sober to the point where he felt guilty about accepting my love and support. Which is one thing that makes him depressed/angry/co-dependent. I find myself wondering, "if he could understand how much i cared, would it alleviate his guilt and distance from me?" Well, although i have the question in my head, i think i know the answer. and it's "No. Not now." I can't keep wondering about "if's". I need to evaluate my life based on what's in front of me. What's real right now. Not what's potential.

I also wrote a song based on how i'm feeling. The first 2 lines are:
"Sometimes I still want to believe in you.
Sometimes I wish I never had."

Well, both of those are certainly still there, but they're both fading. I've been re-evaluating my goals and dreams for my future... that's been a good, fun thing to think about. and that ache of hoping that he'll come through is less present in my mind. Similarly, I was feeling kind of resentful toward him for giving so much of myself to him (and him getting so much out of our relationship) and feeling like our 'gains' were very uneven. Our efforts weren't though. In fact, i'd say his efforts were higher than mine, just by counting the hours he put into his program. Plus, i can move on no matter where i am. Although i had such a difficult last year and a half... my life ahead of me is still my life, and i have a million choices.

good luck all,

Kira
Shanhua

Patrishat Taylor <patrisha-taylor@...> wrote:

Hi everyone, thanks for including me in your group. These messages are very serendipitous. I have an ex-boyfriend who is an alcoholic. We have not been together for 9 months and have spoken for the past three months. He called in the middle of the night a few days ago, drunk, wanting to have contact with me again. I told him to call me when he was sober. It's been a few days and my anxiety is better. It's hard to feel love and anxiety for him and myself at the same time. Thanks for letting me share.

 

-PT

jstracick@yahoo.com wrote:

Thanks so much for this group. I to am living with an Alcoholic and to say the least its exhausting. I am engaged and not sure about marriage and recently discovered I am expecting. I am a successful career women own my own home my own car etc and have managed to have some part of my life that has been so difficult to deal with.

Between the everyday struggles that we all encounter whether it be medical with family or yourself or just being stressed its difficult to want to come home to relax and be around your Alcoholic.

Alcohol is a disease so how do we determine when to stop helping our loved ones when they cant help their disease??

Anonymous
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

-----Original Message-----
From: Grace Kennedy

Date: Sun, 26 Aug 2007 14:23:30
To:Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Hello


Hi
I have just joined this group and thought i would say hello to everyone. I am married to an alcoholic and have recently joined my local Al Anon. Unfortunately my husband has started drinking again and I have asked him to leave the marital home. However i am finding it difficul to cope with the guilt I feel as i realise he is in great pain. However i know I must take care of me.
I hope to share and support everyone in the group and to be a valued member
 
Grace

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