Hi everyone...I have not been on these boards in over a year, but have been
reading your inspiring messages in my e mails.
I think that you are all amazing;full of courage, when it is just as easy to
want to hide under a rock, LOL.
I have been with my A for five years now;on the roller coaster of his
alcoholism.I am finally ready to get off of this wild ride, and know that with
your help,l I can do it.
I told him yesterday that if I don't see some behavioral changes by December, I
am moving to Florida(we live in New Hampshire)
He has never been sober more than 6 months, ever.He started drinking at eight,
and is now 41.
I just graduated with a B.S at 48, studying, guess what? drug and alcohol
counseling, LOL.
I am thinking of going on for a Masters' in counseling, but perhaps for eating
disorders instead of drugs and alcohol.
When my A is not drunk, he is the most angry, miserable person that I have ever
met.I am SO over it.
I am loving the fact that some of you(while now broke), have found peace.That is
what I am craving.Life is too short to be this miserable, right girls?
Love to all,
Carolyn

--- In Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
wrote:
>
> Lesa,
> Any kind of change must be scary.  As it is for us, it must be as much for the
recovering alcoholic as well.  Keep the faith!!  I am proud of you.  Stay strong
and know you have friends here.
>  
> Debby Smith
>
>
>
>
> ________________________________
> From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@...>
> To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
> Sent: Wednesday, August 19, 2009 10:41:29 PM
> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
>
>  
> Well, today is his first day in detox, when I went and visited him he was down
and depressed but by the time I left he was laughing.  I hope this will make him
recover and want to stay sober.  I can't remember the last time we laughed
together.  I actually enjoyed talking with him.  But I told him, he will have to
prove he intends to remain sober for us to have a chance.  I caught a glimpse of
the man I married and liked see that man again.  With God's help, he will
recover.  Anything is possible.
>
> Pray for him,
> Lesa
>
> --- On Wed, 8/19/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>
> >From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
> >Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >Date: Wednesday, August 19, 2009, 2:59 PM
> >
> >
> > 
> >Dearest Lesa,
> >
> >Thank you for keeping us informed on how your (ex?) is doing.  It would be
totally awesome if he actually finds recovery.  Thank you for standing strong
and taking care of yourself!
> >
> >Peace and blessings!
> >
> >Sara
> >
> >
> >
> >--- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote:
> >
> >
> >>From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net>
> >>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:27 PM
> >>
> >>
> >> 
> >>Well gurls, u won't believe it, he checks into detox tomorrow morning.  I
still have my doubts about his sincereity and have made it clear if he is
drinking he cannot even visit me here or call me.  He is naturally scared and I
guess I would be too.  Afterall being a drunk for 20 years is almost a lifetime.
> >>
> >>Wish him luck because i pray he gets sober for himself.  I love you all.
> >>
> >>Lesa
> >>
> >>--- On Tue, 8/18/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> >>
> >>
> >>>From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
> >>>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:44 PM
> >>>
> >>>
> >>> 
> >>>Woo-hoo! for home being a safe place and a refuge!!!
> >>>
> >>>Peace and blessings, dear ones!
> >>>
> >>>Sara
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>--- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote:
> >>>
> >>>
> >>>>From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net>
> >>>>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >>>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>>Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:11 AM
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>> 
> >>>>Debby, I am so proud of you.  I too, am a caregiver, took care of my mama
for four with Alzheimers.  I know what u mean about your heart and mind.  I went
to the Dr. with him yesterday and so did his Dad and Step Mom.  He told her the
truth about his drinking.  He has an appt today for the de-tox and rehab.  But
there again, I think he is only doing this because he thinks we will get back
together and I don't see that happening. He came by the house and brought me
home and came in.  I could not wait for him to leave.  He was ready to leave too
and i know it was to go drink because he had not drank all day and was shaking
like crazy. 
> >>>>
> >>>>I care for him as a person but I am not in love with him anymore, I don't
want a life with him anymore.  But for hisself, I do hope he gets sober and
stays sober.  I just don't have faith in him.
> >>>>
> >>>>You stay strong and enjoy those trips away.  Try not to dread coming home
as I have for years.  For once my home is just that, MY HOME.
> >>>>
> >>>>Love ya gurl,
> >>>>Lesa
> >>>>
> >>>>--- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> >>>>
> >>>>
> >>>>>From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com>
> >>>>>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >>>>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>>>Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>> 
> >>>>>Lesa,
> >>>>>My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong. 
As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me
to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.
> >>>>>
> >>>>>After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came
into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really
avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong
with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will
happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy. 
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Pray for me.
> >>>>> 
> >>>>>Debby Smith
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> ________________________________
> From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
> >>>>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>>>Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM
> >>>>>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >>>>>
> >>>>> 
> >>>>>Dearest Lesa,
> >>>>>
> >>>>>You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this
email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much
wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman! 
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!
> >>>>>
> >>>>>Sara
> >>>>>
> >>>>>--- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote:
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>>From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net>
> >>>>>>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >>>>>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>>>>Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> 
> >>>>>>Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be
around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a
first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming
back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a
long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way
but will not let him know that right now.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least
he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets
sober for him. 
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can
pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>Lesa
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>--- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>>>From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com>
> >>>>>>>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as
psychic vampires?
> >>>>>>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>>>>>Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> 
> >>>>>>>Lesa,
> >>>>>>>Soooooo very true!! 
> >>>>>>>I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so
nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and
how I am because of that. 
> >>>>>>> 
> >>>>>>>Debby Smith
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> ________________________________
> From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net>
> >>>>>>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>>>>>Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM
> >>>>>>>Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as
psychic vampires?
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> 
> >>>>>>>Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my
husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that
book.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he
actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr.
appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's
a start at least. 
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no
longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want
another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss
him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23
years when all along I did not have to live that way. 
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have
done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of
addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But
unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband
wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm
poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act
like a different person now.  I like the person I am now. 
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that
change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have
that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live
it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here
for you anytime you need me. 
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>Without all of you, i would never have done it.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>God Bless You All,
> >>>>>>>Lesa
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>--- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote:
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
> >>>>>>>>Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic
vampires?
> >>>>>>>>To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
> >>>>>>>>Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>> 
> >>>>>>>>Dear Al-Anon Friends,
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me
like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy
Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara
Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic
vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are
energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the
book:
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>"Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a
vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing
in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and
death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were
perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a
constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's
place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary
to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only
close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole
truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)
> >>>>>>>>  
> >>>>>>>>   Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire,
whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The
revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and
relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of
misery and self-negating unconsiousness.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>   If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is
more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother
perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>   Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or
not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>Peace and blessings to all of you!
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>Sara
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>>
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>>>
> >>>
> >
>