From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Date: Wednesday, August 19, 2009, 2:59 PM

 

Dearest Lesa,   Thank you for keeping us informed on how your (ex?) is doing.  It would be totally awesome if he actually finds recovery.  Thank you for standing strong and taking care of yourself!   Peace and blessings!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:27 PM   Well gurls, u won't believe it, he checks into detox tomorrow morning.  I still have my doubts about his sincereity and have made it clear if he is drinking he cannot even visit me here or call me.  He is naturally scared and I guess I would be too.  Afterall being a drunk for 20 years is almost a lifetime.   Wish him luck because i pray he gets sober for himself.  I love you all.   Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 5:44 PM   Woo-hoo! for home being a safe place and a refuge!!!   Peace and blessings, dear ones!   Sara   --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 8:11 AM   Debby, I am so proud of you.  I too, am a caregiver, took care of my mama for four with Alzheimers.  I know what u mean about your heart and mind.  I went to the Dr. with him yesterday and so did his Dad and Step Mom.  He told her the truth about his drinking.  He has an appt today for the de-tox and rehab.  But there again, I think he is only doing this because he thinks we will get back together and I don't see that happening. He came by the house and brought me home and came in.  I could not wait for him to leave.  He was ready to leave too and i know it was to go drink because he had not drank all day and was shaking like crazy.    I care for him as a person but I am not in love with him anymore, I don't want a life with him anymore.  But for hisself, I do hope he gets sober and stays sober.  I just don't have faith in him.   You stay strong and enjoy those trips away.  Try not to dread coming home as I have for years.  For once my home is just that, MY HOME.   Love ya gurl, Lesa --- On Tue, 8/18/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Tuesday, August 18, 2009, 7:48 AM   Lesa, My heart goes out to you.  I am so proud of you!  You must stay strong.  As a unity, we can all draw strenghth from each other.  It would be hard for me to stay strong if my spouse called me all the time.   After my weekend, my spouse was so very nice to me yesterday.  He came into my computer room and gave me a hug.  For the last few months, he has really avoided being around me.  My heart melts, but my mind is cold.  What is wrong with me!!  I really did not miss him while I was gone.  I worry about what will happen to him.  The caregiver in me is really my worst enemy.    Pray for me.   Debby Smith From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Monday, August 17, 2009 3:38:15 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Dearest Lesa,   You just royally blessed my socks of with the things you shared in this email!!!!  You are handling things beautifully and you are showing so much wisdom and serenity!  You are an Al-Anon poster woman!    Best wishes, and peace and blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> wrote: From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 8:13 PM   Good for you Debby.....isn' t it wonderful knowing you don't have to be around them?  Mine is going to the dr. tomorrow and go to rehab.  This is a first.  He has called me 18 times today.  I told him not to think he's coming back home even if he gets sober.  That IF that ever happened, it would take a long time to prove he sticks with it.  I don't really want him back either way but will not let him know that right now.   I think for the first time, he really has hit rock bottom.  But at least he is taking the first step which he has NEVER done.  I pray he goes and gets sober for him.    As for me, I am content and happy.  Poor, very poor but at least i can pay my bills.  As long as I can do that I am ok.   Lesa --- On Sun, 8/16/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, August 16, 2009, 7:09 PM   Lesa, Soooooo very true!!  I went away for the weekend and really, really enjoyed it.  It was so nice.  I also, did not miss my husband.  I do not miss what he has become and how I am because of that.    Debby Smith From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, August 15, 2009 11:27:42 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires?   Sara, that is the absolute truth.  I had been a zombie for years to my husband and that description absolutely was my life.  I am going to buy that book.   It's been three weeks today and I am doing so good.  I believe he actually realizes that it's over for us and has accepted it.  He did make a dr. appt for Monday to see what he needs to do to withdraw from alcohol.  So that's a start at least.    I have never been happier.  I am loving living life for me.  I am no longer his zombie.  I will never go back to a life like that.  I don't want another man ever.  It's too good just living with me and my dogs.  I don't miss him at all and that is sad.  That i let myself live in misery and dread for 23 years when all along I did not have to live that way.    Without meeting you all thru Al-Anon I don't think I would ever have done it.  There are so many out there living a life of misery because of addicts.  We know it is a disease and real and it is hard to give it up.  But unless they want to be sober, it will never happen.  I don't believe my husband wants to be sober.  But my decision to have a sober life is wonderful.  I'm poor, but my daughter helps me out.  She is so glad he is gone and says I act like a different person now.  I like the person I am now.    Hang in there gurls, you will know when you are ready to make that change.  And when you feel it, do it and never look back.  I'm 55 and don't have that many years left here and i chose to be happy for once in my life and live it the way I want and I do not regret it at all.  I love you all and I am here for you anytime you need me.    Without all of you, i would never have done it.   God Bless You All, Lesa --- On Sat, 8/15/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] alcoholics and addicts as psychic vampires? To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, August 15, 2009, 5:28 AM   Dear Al-Anon Friends,   I don't know if this will mean anything to anyone else, but it hit me like a bucket of ice water in the face.  I have been reading a book Unholy Hungers: Encountering the Psychic Vampire in Ourselves and Others by Barbara Holt.  Ms. Holt is a Jungian psychoanalyst and the concept of the psychic vampire is something Jung himself came up with to explain those people were are energy drainers and all around leeches.  The following is an excerpt from the book:   "Revenants are victims whom the vampire has not transformed into a vampire themselves.  Instead, they function as servants to a vampire, existing in a statae that the vampire maintains at the perfect balance between life and death ... The servant pledges his will to his lord and acts as if he were perpetually hypnotized ... keeping curious visitors ... at bay and providing a constant supply of ... fresh blood, barring all doors and access to the master's place of rest, and making sure that when away from home, the conditons necessary to the life of his master are maintained.  This servant has probably the only close relationship with the vampire, for he is permitted to witness the whole truth of his master's life.  (Maschetti 1992, 96)       Thus the revenant serves as mesmerized accomplice to the vampire, whom he or she resembles and supports, but does not imitate in predation.  The revenant recalls the original motion of codependency, in which friends and relatives enable adn abusive behavior, while abandoning themselves to a state of misery and self-negating unconsiousness.      If psychic vampire = alcoholic/addict (or their disease, which is more accurate I think) and revenant = co-dependent, this fits my mother perfectly - and, unfortunately, me for many years.      Anyway, whether anyone else sees this as an accurate similie or not, it sure is a wake-up call to me and what my disease of Al-Anonism is.   Peace and blessings to all of you!   Sara