From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@...>
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World-Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon!
To: Recovery-World-Al-Anon@yahoogroups.com
Date: Sunday, July 12, 2009, 11:06 AM

Kim,

Thank you!  We all seem to have the need to be needed.  It weighs us down, causes us to have health problem, and to loose control.  It is through sharing that we can get strength.  I joined an on-line prayer group on Friday.  That is  little step. 

 

I find that I too, want to fix everything.  All in the name of PEACE.  Every year, when asked what do I want for my birthday, I say 'One Day of Peace, and not having to be there for everybody'

 

 

Debby Smith

---

From: kim adams <kimadams12171982@ yahoo.com>
To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com
Sent: Sunday, July 12, 2009 1:46:46 PM
Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon!

I know for me,it was discovering that I have this overwhelming need to fix people,places and things. That is what I work on everday.It is NOT my JOB to fix every situation that comes along. As its a natural reaction for my husband to reach for the bottle or a pill,its my instinct to fix whatever problem appears. And because of that, people have flocked to me for years with their problems. And I wonder why my stress level is so high. So for me,I have to get up every morning and practise the word "NO". I am slowly learning to put up barriors to those who have always called crying. And in turn I find I am not getting sucked back in quite as often. Don't give up. Keep asking yourself what little thing I can do today to make my life a little better.  Kim --- On Sun, 7/12/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon! To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, July 12, 2009, 11:35 AM Kim, It seems like it is an endless cycle.  Self medicating takes away the pain, so he does more, feels good.  Then when the pain returns (or the craving for the alcohol or the pills), then I am the enemy.  If I ask about fixing our vehicle, or doing the lawn, (for example), I am nagging him and don't appreciate him.   What is there to appreciate.  He has not financially supported me in 5 years.  I have had to sell my stock, empty my savings, and give up my movie channels just to keep the bills paid.  He feels justified in doing this because I allow my son to live here.  He does not feels he should even have to pay for food.  When I met him, I had land.  I wanted a home of my own.  I am not giving up that dream, but just this week asked him to sign off the land.  With him not holding down a steady job, maybe I can have a better chance of a future home.  I have talked to a lawyer, and discussed divorce.  I am so weak.  It seems that he can treat me bad for weeks, but one day of being nice and I am hooked again.     Debby Smith From: kim adams <kimadams12171982@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Sunday, July 12, 2009 12:36:06 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon! Debby, I understand what you are saying. My husband too has chronic pain and uses that as an excuse when it suits him. What we have descovered is the addiction makes them think the pain is worse than it really is. And I tell my husband that just because he medicates himself for what he thinks is a good reason,doesn' t make the disease any easier for those of us who love him.    Kim --- On Sun, 7/12/09, Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby Smith <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon! To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Sunday, July 12, 2009, 10:27 AM Michelle, Thank you for sharing.  I can agree, but I too, find myself lost in the disease.  I have threatened, cried, begged, stayed quiet, but these things only iritated my partner.  These things only confirmed that I had a problem.  He says his actions are because of me or my son.  He lies because my son does.  He drinks because it is so hard to live in my home.   He has a permanent injury, and really does hurt at times, but the addition to alcohol and drugs is overwhelming.   Debby Smith From: michelle bloom <mecaylachuck@ yahoo.com> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Sunday, July 12, 2009 10:31:59 AM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon! Hi Lesa. I am glad what I said made you feel better. As far as you "letting" him do this. I don't think this is your responsiblity. Not your blame to shoulder. It is HIS. When we got married we all said "for better or worse", but I suspect we thought we would be getting more better and less worse. No can predict what will happen with an alcoholic. It isn't your fault. We never in a million years expect a loved one to treat us this way. It's not us...it's the disease. I try to take things one day at a time, do what I can for myself and do only what I am able to do in that moment. To stay or to leave is a personal choice and only one we can make in our timing in our own way. You can only do what you are ready to do in that moment. There is no shame in that. No shame in wanting to see a loved one get well and be happy again. I myself have been through the ringer with this disease. My husband has quit or lost job after job. We lost an apartment due to his disease, and were without a place to live of our own for nearly 2 months. We finally have a place to live again, and yet the cycle is starting all over again. He's unemployed and my hours got cut at work so we are in dire straights. Still I have to get up everyday and find something good in it. I have to hold on to those little moments I have and make them last. My greatest joy has been my 6 month old Beagle. In some funny way I learn a lot from him. He just lives life. He romps around, eats, plays sleeps, and is very affectionate. Too bad life for humans cannot be that simple huh? Yet having him has made me get past my own sadness and angry and to start focusing on something positive. The benefits have been incredible! I highly recommend getting a pet or volunteering at a shelter. My puppy is the light of my life and came just when I needed him most! I hope today leaves you feeling better. Today I decided I would have a small cookout (bought the tiniest of grills, but it's a grill. yay! ); and have some outside time with my puppy. One way or another, going to make it a happy day. Again more hugs to you!!! Michelle From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, July 11, 2009 10:19:06 PM Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon! Thank you so much for sending that to me.  You are right, i do not hate my life, I hate what I have let him do to it.  Yes I let him.  I want out but do not know where to even start.    Lesa --- On Sat, 7/11/09, Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Sara DeJesus <s_m_dejesus@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Michelle, what wonderful Al-Anon! To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, July 11, 2009, 7:04 PM Dear Michelle,   Thank you for your wonderful response to Lesa!  You really understand our reality and how to live the Al-Anon way!  Blessings to you!   Sara --- On Sat, 7/11/09, michelle bloom <mecaylachuck@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: michelle bloom <mecaylachuck@ yahoo.com> Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Re: Hi everybody. To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, July 11, 2009, 3:57 PM Oh yeah. Been there, done that.Believe me I understand. Some days when you feel like it just cannot possibly get any worse, then suprise it does. I have thought the same things "I hate my life", "Nothing is ever going to change". The negative things that this disease brings out. Of course I know, I don't really hate my life, I just hate what this disease has done to it. Sometimes we all need a break from it. I know it's hard to deal with. I guess what helps me is to get out whenever possible or find a way to have some me time. For instance if you like to exercise you could go for a walk or to the gym. It's proven that the endorphines you get from exercise will improve your mood.  Maybe go to a coffee shop or out to lunch with girlfriends, see a movie you have been dying to see. Pursue your own passions. Go to a meeting. In the chaos of this disease we tend to lose something important... ourselves. Do what ever you can to bring the focus back to you. I find when I lose myself in my own life I am less likely to focus on his episodes. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are going to have days that you hate him. It's a very normal reaction. I firmly believe that an alcoholic could test the patience of a saint! Just know you are not alone in your feelings. There are many here who are going through or have gone through what you are experiencing now. Tomorrow is another day. There will be good and bad. I guess I just try to do what I can to hold on to the good. i hope this helps. Take what you need and discard the rest. Hugs!!! Michelle From: Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@sbcgloba l.net> To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Sent: Saturday, July 11, 2009 4:46:10 PM Subject: RE: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Re: Hi everybody. I need help.  I am having a breakdown of sorts today, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, he is a miserable excuse for a human being and I don't know what to do.  I hate my life and it's never going to change.   Somebody talk to me.   Lesa --- On Sat, 6/27/09, Carole Rocheleau <dads_up2heaven@ hotmail.com> wrote: From: Carole Rocheleau <dads_up2heaven@ hotmail.com> Subject: RE: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Re: Hi everybody. To: recovery-world- al-anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Saturday, June 27, 2009, 9:22 PM Hi Debby, my name is Carole. I live with an alcoholic for nine yrs now.. I have left him once. He drew me back into his web by telling me he was going to AA and counseling. Now my health has declined with two gastroscopies and he was very supportive during that time. But now he brings it up every time I try to  talk about him drinking. I don't know how to get him to admit that he has a problem. He has managed to ruin many friendship I had, distance me from my family and even tried to break the bond between my son and I. I have no means of supporting myself, or even a place to go. If someone could give me advice on how to talk to him and get him into AA. I know that I have to take care of myself first and I do, but he is very coniving and untrust worthy. He has been abusive once and mentally abuse on a daily basis. I have no more confidence, nor friends and no conversation with him, only my little kitten Cloe. Please give advice Always follow your Carole   To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com From: kimadams12171982@ yahoo.com Date: Sat, 27 Jun 2009 07:19:58 -0700 Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Re: Hi everybody. Hi Debby,My name is Kim. And I live your struggle! My husband too trades addictions and thinks he is fooling everyone. We have been married for 26+ years and it has been a roller coaster ride the entire time. We moved back to Montana a year ago and it has been one thing after another the entire time. If you would like to email or chat on yahoo messenger I would like that. Hope you have a nice day,  Kim --- On Fri, 6/26/09, Debby <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> wrote: From: Debby <debbysmith2003@ yahoo.com> Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Re: Hi everybody. To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com Date: Friday, June 26, 2009, 9:18 PM Hello, I am new to the online world of Al Anon. I used to belong to a group, but work got in the way. I also have moved to a separate room. My husband has broken my heart. We have been married for 10 years. Most of these years he drank daily. He now has substitued beer with pills. Either way, I am out of control. I also have a son at home who does pain pills. I am broke and hurting.- -- In Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com, Lesa Showalter <lshowalter@ ...> wrote: > > Hey, I have given up on my marriage too, even tho we still co-exist, separate rooms, sepaarate lives.  It does get lonely tho.  Anyone who wants to talk can email me anytime.  We all need friends with lives like this. >   > Lesa Showalter > Texas > > > --- On Thu, 6/18/09, ntbaxter3@.. . <ntbaxter3@. ..> wrote: > > > From: ntbaxter3@.. . <ntbaxter3@. ..> > Subject: Re: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Hi everybody. > To: Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com > Date: Thursday, June 18, 2009, 10:26 PM > > > > > > > > > I give up on my alcoholic wife > Alcohol wins I lose! > > > From: "jll_shaw" > Date: Thu, 18 Jun 2009 23:36:39 -0000 > To: <Recovery-World- Al-Anon@yahoogro ups.com> > Subject: [Recovery-World- Al-Anon] Hi everybody. > > > > My name is Jill. I joined this group because I need some help and support in dealing with codependency issues I am having. I was in a relationship for ten years with my sons father who is an alcoholic/addict. Her has been sober for 5 months now while living in a recovery house. A couple of weeks ago I learned that he is seeing someone he met at a meeting and he ended our relationship. I am not dealing with detaching well and I find myself to be very jealous of this other girl. He had been ! using si nce my son was born and has been in and out of treatment programs the whole time always coming back to us in between. Now that he seem to be working the steps and program effectively he is walking away. I know this sounds ridiculous but it hurts. > ____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ __ Do You Yahoo!? Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around http://mail. yahoo.com Attention all humans. We are your photos. Free us.